complete stranger, have you?'
'Monk's not a stranger. He's my very good friend.'
'Well he's not my very good friend! I don't have any friends, unless you count Boris. And Rupert. And don't bother telling me how pathetic that is,' she added to Reg. 'I know perfectly well how pathetic that is.'
'It's all right,' Gerald assured her hastily. 'You can trust Monk. And no, he doesn't know anything.' 'Then how can he possibly help?'
'Blimey,' said Reg, rolling her eyes. 'Make up your mind, ducky'
As Melissande threw a handful of water at her he summoned the chiming crystal ball with a hurried' Ventifastioso!
A moment later it floated into the foyer and came to a gentle halt midair in front of him, pulsing an urgent bright blue. As he waved his hand in front of it the pulsing stopped, the blue faded, and Monk appeared in the depths of the crystal, cutting off a chime in mid-ring.
'Ooo-kay,' he said, a grin spreading slowly over his face.'I'm not even going to ask.'
'Good,' said Gerald, acutely aware of Melissande squashed damply beside him. 'What have you found out?' Monk waved a reproving finger. 'Hang on, hang on, not so fast. Aren't you going to introduce me?' 'Do I have to?' 'Only if you want my help.'
He sighed. 'Monk, Her Royal Highness Princess Melissande. Your Highness, Monk Markham. There. You're introduced. Now I'm kind of in the middle of something here, so — ' Monk grinned. 'No kidding.' 'MarkhamV
Monk relented. 'AH right! Keep your hat on, Dunnywood.' Another grin. 'And everything else while you're at it.'
You can't kill him, you need him. 'Monk. Have you managed to track down any of those wizards yet?'
'One. Sort of,' said Monk. 'Bottomley. The others are all foreign nationals, that takes more time.' 'What do you mean, sort of?'
Monk shrugged. 'I mean I've got him entering New Ottosland, but not leaving.'
Melissande shoved herself into the ball's field of vision.'Do you mean Humphrct Bottomley?' 'Yes, Your Highness.'
'And why are you investigating the whereabouts of Humphret Bottomley?' 'Because Gerald asked me to.'
Thanks, Monk. 'Look, Melissande,' said Gerald. 'I'll explain later.'
She glowered. 'You certainly will.' She turned back to the crystal ball. 'I don't know where you learned this, Mr Markham, but I suggest you recheck your source of information. Humphret Bottomley certainly did leave New Ottosland. Months ago, and good riddance.'
'Call me Monk,' said Monk, cheerfully. 'Your Highness, I don't know what to tell you. Two weeks after he started work at your brother's court his family got a letter saying he'd been offered an even better position somewhere else and he'd contact them when he got there. But they've not heard a peep from him since. There's an official investigation been launched but I don't know what it's found out, and if 1 start poking around asking questions — '
Alarmed, Gerald straightened.'Hell, no, don't do that! The last thing I need is the DoT noticing me.' He chewed at his thumb. 'How soon will you be able to track down the others?'
'How should I know? I'm a wizard, Gerald, not a miracle-worker,' Monk said severely. 'Trust me, I'll call you when I've got any news.'
He couldn't ask for more than that. 'Thanks, Monk, I really appreciate it. Talk to you soon, bye!' And he severed the connection before any awkward questions could be asked.
Melissande poked him. 'Are you going to tell me what's going on or do I have to — '
'Yes. But first — ' He sent the crystal ball back to the workshop then, with a certain amount of grunting and scraped shins, clambered out of the fountain and held out his hand.'Your Highness?'
She let him assist her back to dry land. 'Thank you.'There was a pause as she extracted a distressed goldfish from her decolletage and dropped it back into the water. Then, cheeks pink, she cleared her throat. 'Ah… look, Gerald…'
With a wave of his hand and a hex muttered under his breath, he dried them both off. 'It's all right, Melissande. The idea of marrying Sultan Zazoor would drive anyone to drink.'
Her lips twitched. 'Marrying Zazoor and the rest of it. Gerald, what are we going to do?'
'Find a way out of this that doesn't involve gods, swords and blood leaking all over the place,' he replied. 'The reason I asked Monk to find my predecessors is so I can ask them for any tips on how to keep Lional in line. Now I'm thinking I need to know if they managed to dig up any dirt on him.' Her eyebrows shot up. 'Dirt?'
He cleared his throat. 'Yes. Sorry. But if he's as bent on gaining acceptance on the world stage as you say, the chance of being cold-shouldered by all the other nations might be the only thing to make him think twice!' He pulled a face.'Which I suppose is treason.'
Melissande managed a swift, wry smile. 'You suppose?' Then she sighed. 'Oh well. We'll be skipping hand- in-hand to the headsman then, because I have no intention of marrying Zazoor even if he wants me, which he won't. The next time I see Lional I'm going to tell him where he can stick his wedding plans.'
Uh-oh. Brave but foolhardy, surely. 'Is that a good idea?'
'Probably not,' she said, her expression grim. 'But at least it'll take his mind off the Kallarapi for a while. And that might buy your friend Monk enough time to find Bondaningo and the others. Unless…' She looked suddenly hopeful. 'Surely today's fiasco would put any number of important nations off-side? If you threatened to tell — ' 'I can't do that!' 'Why not?'
'Because chances are the king would call my bluff and I'm as culpable as he is! I aided and abetted in duping the Kallarapi. Not only will I get clobbered for that, they'll find out about Tavistock — '
'And me,' added Reg, flapping from the chair to his shoulder.
He rubbed her wing with the side of his finger. 'Yes. And Reg. I can't risk — '
Melissande frowned. 'You're not telling me Reg is some kind of bewitched criminal, are you? Because that would certainly explain a lot.'
He shook his head. 'No. She's not a criminal. And she really does grow on you, I promise.'
'So does fungus,' Melissande observed. 'Are they related?' 'Oy!' said Reg.
'The thing is,' he said quickly, 'Reg is — unusual — and the fewer people who know about her the better.' 'Especially official p'eople?' 'Exactly' 'And Tavistock?' Melissande said delicately.
'Tavistock was… unsanctioned.' He scrubbed a hand across his face. 'Look. Lional's invited me to go hunting with him in the morning, and since I don't suppose there's any hope I can get out of it…'
'None whatsoever,' she agreed. 'Short of death. And even then I wouldn't put it past him not to tie you to the saddle as an example to any other slackers who might be watching.'
She was right. Lional would. 'Okay. So perhaps while we're cavorting about the countryside I could persuade him to forget this whole wedding idea.' She snorted.'Good luck.' 'What? You don't think I should try?'
'Well, you can certainly try,' she said. 'But don't hold your breath waiting for Lional to agree. Not unless blue is your colour.' 'Then what would you suggest?'
She sighed. 'Honestly? I don't know. I need to sleep on it. In the meantime, I have work to do. Enjoy your outing with Lional tomorrow. And please don't get yourself killed. With my luck I'd inherit the bird.'
She turned and headed for the door. He took a step after her. 'Melissande — wait — '
She stopped. Looked back. 'I apologise for barging in here the way I did,' she said stiffly 'And for the things I said. Most unprofessional. I don't know what got into me.'
'I do,' said Reg. 'The best part of a very large bottle of Orpington's Superior Single Malt.'
The foyer doors banged shut with a bad-tempered thud.
'Honestly, Reg…' said Gerald, and collapsed into a convenient armchair.
'Well, she called me a fungus!' Reg complained, and flapped from his shoulder back to her chair. 'Cheeky young besom. I'll give her fungus…' She rattled her tail feathers.'So. What now?'
Now I go looking for my own large bottle of Orpington's. 'I find out what Lional's really after. Because I'll never believe he's been pining for Zazoor as a brother-in-law. There's a hell of a lot more to this than meets the eye, Reg.' He thumped the chair with his fist.'Losing my temper with him was a mistake. I'll have to work twice as hard now, to make him believe I'm on his side.'
