with his mother’s last name and found an address in Goteborg. For a while I lost track of him because he moved and the letters came back, but then I found him again. Living on Rosenhillsgatan. But I didn’t know that he had moved to Fjallbacka. I thought he was still in Goteborg, since the letters weren’t returned.’
Ragnar went back into Alice’s room to say goodbye, and then led the way along the corridor as Patrik told him about the man who had taken care of the letters for Christian. Then the three of them sat down in a big, bright room that functioned as both a dining room and cafeteria. It had an impersonal air, with big palm plants that were clearly lacking both water and attention, just like the plant in Alice’s room. They had the whole place to themselves.
‘She cried a lot,’ said Ragnar, stroking the pastel-coloured tablecloth. ‘Presumably due to colic. During her pregnancy, Irene had already lost interest in Christian, so when Alice was born and became so demanding, my wife had no time for the boy. And he was already in a fragile state because of what had happened to him before.’
‘What about you?’ said Patrik. When he saw Ragnar’s expression, he realized that he’d hit on a sensitive point.
‘Me?’ Ragnar stopped moving his hand on the table. ‘I closed my eyes and refused to see. Irene has always been the one who makes the decisions. And I’ve let her do it. It’s just been easier that way.’
‘Didn’t Christian like his little sister?’ asked Patrik.
‘He used to stand next to her cot and stare at her. I saw the dark expression on his face, but I never thought that… I just had to leave the room to open the door when the bell rang.’ Ragnar sounded distracted, and he was staring at a spot somewhere behind them. ‘I was only gone a few minutes.’
Paula opened her mouth to ask a question, but decided not to interrupt. He should be allowed to tell the story at his own pace. It was obvious that Ragnar was having a hard time formulating his words. His whole body was tensed, his shoulders hunched.
‘Irene had gone upstairs to take a nap, and for once I was put in charge of Alice. Otherwise Irene never let anyone else take care of her. She was such a sweet baby, even though she cried all the time. It was as if Irene suddenly had a new doll to play with. A doll that she refused to share with anyone else.’
Another pause, and Patrik had to make a real effort not to coax the man to get on with his story.
‘I was only gone a few minutes…’ Ragnar repeated. It was almost as if he’d got stuck. As if it was impossible for him to put the rest into words.
‘Where was Christian?’ asked Patrik calmly, wanting to help the man along a bit.
‘In the bathroom. With Alice. I was giving her a bath. We had one of those contraptions that you could put the baby in, and that way you’d have both hands free to wash her. I filled the tub with water and then put her in the baby seat. And that’s where Alice was sitting.’
Paula nodded. They had a similar device for her son Leo.
‘When I came back to the bathroom… Alice was… She wasn’t moving. Her head was all the way under the water. Her eyes were… open, wide open.’
Ragnar swayed a bit in his chair. It was obvious that he had to force himself to go on, to confront those awful memories and images.
‘Christian was just sitting there, leaning against the bathtub and looking down at her.’ Ragnar fixed his eyes on Paula and Patrik, as if he’d suddenly returned to the present. ‘He was sitting very still, and he was smiling.’
‘But you saved her, right?’ Patrik could feel the goose bumps on his arms.
‘Yes, I saved her. I got her breathing again. And then I saw…’ He cleared his throat. ‘I saw the disappointment in Christian’s eyes.’
‘Did you tell Irene what happened?’
‘No, that would never… No!’
‘Christian tried to drown his little sister, and you didn’t tell your wife?’ Paula looked at him in disbelief.
‘I felt like I owed him something, after everything he’d been through. If I had told Irene, she would have sent him away at once. And he wouldn’t have survived that. Besides, the damage was already done.’ He sounded as if he were pleading with them. ‘I didn’t know how serious it was at the time. But it didn’t really matter, because there was nothing I could do to change things. Sending Christian away wouldn’t have made it any better.’
‘So you pretended that nothing had happened?’ said Patrik.
Ragnar sighed, slumping forward even more. ‘Yes, I pretended that nothing had happened. But I never allowed him to be alone with her again. Never.’
‘Did he try anything else?’ Paula’s face was pale.
‘No, I don’t think so. Somehow he seemed satisfied. Alice stopped crying so much. She mostly just lay still and was not at all demanding.’
‘When did you and your wife notice that something was wrong?’ asked Patrik.
‘It gradually became obvious. She didn’t learn things at the same pace as other kids. When I finally got Irene to admit to it, and we had Alice examined… well, the doctors concluded that she was suffering from some sort of brain damage, which would most likely keep her at a child’s level, mentally speaking, for the rest of her life.’
‘Did Irene suspect anything?’ asked Paula.
‘No. The doctor even said that Alice had probably been that way since birth. It just wasn’t noticeable until after she started to develop.’
‘How did things go as the two children grew up?’
‘How much time do you have?’ said Ragnar, smiling. But it was a sad smile. ‘Irene cared only about Alice. She was the prettiest child I’ve ever seen, and I’m not just saying that because she’s mine. Well, you’ve seen what she looks like.’
Patrik thought about those enormous blue eyes.
‘Irene has always loved anything beautiful. She herself was very beautiful as a young woman, and I think that she saw Alice as an affirmation of her own beauty. She devoted all her attention to our daughter.’
‘And what about Christian?’ said Patrik.
‘Christian? It was as if he didn’t exist.’
‘That must have been terrible for him,’ said Paula.
‘Yes,’ said Ragnar. ‘But he staged his own little revolt. He loved to eat, and he put on weight very easily. He probably inherited that tendency from his mother. When he noticed that his eating habits annoyed Irene, he started eating even more and got even fatter, just to spite her. And it worked. The two of them waged a constant battle over food, but for once Christian was able to defeat her.’
‘So Christian was always overweight when he was growing up?’ asked Patrik. He tried to picture the slim, adult Christian that he knew as a plump little boy, but he couldn’t do it.
‘He wasn’t just chubby, he was fat. Really fat.’
‘How did Alice feel about Christian?’ asked Paula.
Ragnar smiled, and this time the smile was also evident in his eyes. ‘Alice loved Christian. She adored him. She was always following him around like a little puppy dog.’
‘And how did Christian react to that?’ Patrik asked.
Ragnar paused to think. ‘I don’t think he really minded. He mostly left her alone. But occasionally he looked a bit surprised by the love she showered on him. As if he didn’t understand why.’
‘Maybe he didn’t,’ said Paula. ‘Then what happened? How did Alice react when he moved away?’
A curtain seemed to fall over Ragnar’s face. ‘A lot happened all at once. Christian disappeared, and we couldn’t take care of Alice any more – not the way she needed.’
‘Why not? Why couldn’t she live at home any longer?’
‘She was practically grown up, and she needed more support and assistance than we could give her.’
Ragnar Lissander’s mood had suddenly changed, but Patrik didn’t know why.
‘Has she never learned to talk?’ he interjected. Alice hadn’t spoken a word while they were in her room.
‘She can talk, but she doesn’t want to,’ said Ragnar with the same closed expression on his face.
‘Is there any reason why she might hold a grudge against Christian? Would she be capable of harming him? Or anyone else close to him?’ In his mind Patrik again pictured her – the girl with the long dark hair, her hands moving over the white piece of paper, drawing pictures that might have been done by a five-year-old.
‘No, Alice wouldn’t hurt a fly,’ said Ragnar. ‘That’s why I wanted to bring you here, so you could meet her. She could never hurt anybody. And she loves… loved Christian.’
