Something Happened

'Maybe you should decide to take it.'

'I don't want to talk about it now.'

'I'm talking about the job.'

'I don't want to talk about that, either. No, you're not. You're not talking about the job. You lie a lot about yourself.'

'We have to talk about it sometime. We're going to have to decide. Stop a minute, will you? You can't keep ducking away forever.'

'I can till I die.'

'Don't joke about it.'

'And leave you with him?'

'Don't joke about that, either.'

'And her. And him too. Won't you be busy.'

'None of that's funny.'

'Don't you want me to die?'

'You know I can't stand talking about things like that.'

'He's still too small. I don't want to talk about him now. When the kids might hear.'

'Should I lock the door?'

'You're just as bad,' I remind her. 'If I say yes, you say no. When I say send him away, you say we can't.'

'It's for his own good.'

'No, it's not.'

'Maybe we should send them all away,' she observes hopelessly.

'What do you mean by that?'

'I don't know what I mean,' she retracts. 'The kids are embarrassed by him. Ashamed. Maybe we should send them both away and keep him.'

'How would it help to send them away?'

'I didn't mean it. You know that. I'm just feeling bad. They don't like to have their friends come to the house and have to see him. Neither do we.'

'Talk about yourself. I'm more comfortable about him than you are.'

'No, you're not. You just pretend. You put on an act. He makes everyone uncomfortable. He makes everyone who comes here put on an act.'

'Fire the old cunt.'

'How would that help?'

'It would help us. She's rude to everyone.'

'Don't use that word. You know I don't like it.'

'That's why I use it. You ought to get used to it by now. I am. In fact, I'm starting to get very used to it right now.'

'It's easy for you.'

'Sure.'

'I know you. You'll probably be out of town the day I tell this one she has to go and the day the new one comes.'

'You bet.'

'You can laugh about it. You don't even want to interview them.'

'I don't know what to ask.'

'And then you're disappointed. You're never satisfied with the one I get.'

'I'm just glad you can get anybody at all.'

'Until you get used to them. Until you can't stand them and then want me to fire them.'

'Get a young one, can't you? Can't you get a psychology major or something?'

'We need someone full tune. She has to do everything for him. He can't do anything. You never like to face anything unpleasant.'

'Do you?'

'Don't you ever feel guilty doing this while we're talking about the children, or even Derek?'

'No. Why?'

'Even the day my grandmother died you wanted to make me do it.'

'I wanted to make you do it the day your father died too.'

'Don't say that. You know how I felt.'

'What does one thing have to do with another?'

'I do. I don't feel right about it.'

'Why should I?'

'It doesn't seem right.'

'Do you want me to stop? I will if you want me to.'

'It seems all wrong now. It seems dirty again. I don't know. I don't feel right.'

'Don't you like feeling dirty?'

'No. You do.'

'You feel fine.'

'Am I coarse? Am I ever common?'

'Now I do. Yeah, I guess I do feel guilty. You did that. You do that a lot. We don't do it that often when we're talking about the kids or something serious.'

'I feel dirty.'

'Then I will stop. It's no fun for me. Do you want me to?'

'Lying here talking about sending him away.'

'You were doing that. I wasn't. Is that what's making you feel dirty? Or me?'

'Do you love me?'

'I'm trying to. My hardest. Feel how hard I'm trying to love you.'

'Don't do that.'

'This?'

'You know what I mean.'

'This?'

'Fuck you again.'

'Lock the door.'

'You lock the door, since you're feeling so peppy.'

'Fire the old cunt.'

'Christ, you're vulgar,' she says, and means it.

'You're profane,' I answer. 'Suppose your new minister could hear you now. I bet he'd like to see you now. Aren't you glad I'm vulgar?'

'No feelings.'

'Feelings,' I maintain. 'Plenty of feelings. Feel my feelings.'

'No, I'm not glad.'

'What do you want?'

'I don't know. I'm ready.'

'I'll lock the door.'

'I'll start looking around.'

'I think he's getting much better, isn't he?'

'No.'

'Don't you?'

'He isn't. You always say that.'

'If I don't, you do.'

'I know,' she admits.

'I think he listens more. He understands now. He keeps himself cleaner.'