Except it was all true, and Arnie knew it was—yes, some part of him did—and it had to be said now.
“Yes, I think you do love me,” she said slowly. She looked at him steadily. “But I won’t go anywhere with you again in that car. And if you really love me, you’ll get rid of it.” The expression of shock on his face was so large and so sudden that she might have struck him in the face.
“What—what are you talking about, Leigh?”
Was it shock that had caused that slapped expression? Or was some of it guilt?
“You heard what I said. I don’t think you’ll get rid of it—I don’t know if you even can anymore—but if you want to go someplace with me, Arnie, we go on the bus. Or thumb a ride. Or fly. But I’m never going to ride in your car again. It’s a death-trap.”
There. She had said it; it was out.
Now the shock on his face was turning to anger—the blind, obdurate sort of anger she had seen on his face so frequently lately. Not just over the big things, but over the little ones as well—a woman going through a traffic light on the yellow, a cop who held up traffic just before it was their turn to go—but it came to her now with all the force of a revelation that his anger, corrosive and so unlike the rest of Arnie’s personality, was always associated with the car. With Christine.
“'If you love me you’ll get rid of it,” he repeated. “You know who you sound like?”
“No, Arnie.”
“My mother, that’s who you sound like.”
“I’m sorry.” She would not allow herself to be drawn, neither would she defend herself with words or end it by just going into the house. She might have been able to if she didn’t feel anything for him, but she did. Her original impressions—that behind the quiet shyness Arnie Cunningham was good and decent and kind (and maybe sexy as well)—had not changed much. It was the car, that was all. That was the change. It was like watching a strong mind slowly give way under the influence of some evil, corroding, addictive drug.
Arnie ran his hands through his snow-dusted hair, a characteristic gesture of bewilderment and anger. “You had a bad choking spell in the car, okay, I can understand that you don’t feel great about it. But it was the hamburger, Leigh, that’s all. Or maybe not even that. Maybe you were trying to talk while you were chewing or inhaled at just the wrong second or something. You might as well blame Ronald McDonald. People choke on their food every now and then I that’s all. Sometimes they die. You didn’t. Thank God for that. But to blame my car —!”
Yes, it all sounded perfectly plausible. And was. Except that something was going on behind Arnie’s grey eyes. A frantic something that was not precisely a lie, but… rationalization? A wilful turning away from the truth?
“Arnie,” she said, “I’m tired and my chest hurts and I’ve got a headache and I think I’ve only got the strength to say this once. Will you listen?”
“If it’s about Christine, you’re wasting your breath, he said, and that stubborn, mulish look was on his face again. “It’s crazy to blame her and you know it is.”
“Yes, I know it’s crazy, and I know I’m wasting my breath,” Leigh said. “But I’m asking you to listen.”
“I’ll listen.”
She took a deep breath, ignoring the pull in her chest. She looked at Christine, idling a plume of white vapour into the thickly falling snow, then looked hastily away. Now it was the parking lights that looked like eyes: the yellow eyes of a lynx.
“When I choked… when I was choking… the instrument panel… the lights on it changed. They changed. They were… no, I won’t go that far, but they looked like eyes.”
He laughed, a short bark in the cold air. In the house a curtain was pulled aside, someone looked out, and then the curtain dropped back again.
“If that hitchhiker… that Gottfried fellow… if he hadn’t been there, I would have died, Arnie. I would have died.” She searched his eyes with her own and pushed ahead. Once, she told herself. I only have to say this once. “You told me that you worked in the cafeteria at LHS your first three years. I’ve seen the Heimlich Manoeuvre poster on the door to the kitchen. You must have seen it too. But you didn’t try that on me, Arnie. You were getting ready to clap me on the back. That doesn’t work. I had a job in a restaurant back in Massachusetts, and the first thing they teach you, even before they teach you the Heimlich Manoeuvre, is that clapping a choking victim on the back doesn’t work.”
“What are you saying?” he asked in a thin, out-of-breath voice.
She didn’t answer; only looked at him. He met her gaze for only a moment, and then his eyes—angry, confused, almost haunted—shifted away.
“Leigh, people forget things. You’re right, I should have used it. But if you had the course, you know you can use it on yourself.” Arnie laced his hands together into a fist with one thumb sticking up and pressed against his diaphragm to demonstrate. “It’s just that in the heat of the moment, people forget—”
“Yes, they do. And you seem to forget a lot of things in that car. Like how to be Arnie Cunningham.”
Arnie was shaking his head. “You need time to think this over, Leigh. You need—”
“That is just what I don’t need!” she said with a fierceness she wouldn’t have believed she still had left in her. “I never had a supernatural experience in my life—I never even believed in stuff like that—but now I wonder just what’s going on and what’s happening to you. They looked like eyes, Arnie. And later… afterward… there was a smell, A horrible, rotten smell.”
He recoiled.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
No. I don’t have the slightest idea.”
“You just jumped as if the devil had twisted your ear.”
“You’re imagining things,” Arnie said hotly. “A lot of things.”
“That smell was there. And there are other things as well. Sometimes your radio won’t get anything but that oldies station—”
Another flicker in his eyes, and a slight twitch at the left corner of his mouth.
“And sometimes when we’re making out it just stalls, as if it didn’t like it. As if the car didn’t like it, Arnie.”
“You’re upset,” he said with ominous flatness.
“Yes, I am upset I she said, beginning to cry. “Aren’t you?” The tears trickled slowly down her cheeks. I think this is the end of it for us, Arnie—I loved you, but I think it’s over. I really think it is, and that makes me feel so sad, and so sorry. “Your relationship with your parents has turned into a… an armed camp, you’re running God knows what into New York and Vermont for that fat pig Will Darnell, and that car… that car…”
She could not say anything more. Her voice dissolved. She dropped her packages and bent blindly to pick them up. Exhausted and weeping, she succeeded in doing little more than stirring them around. He bent to help her and she pushed at him roughly. “Leave them alone! I’ll get them!”
He stood up, his face pale and set. His expression was one of wooden fury, but his eyes… oh, to Leigh his eyes seemed lost.
“All right,” he said, and now his voice roughened with his own tears. “Good. Join up with the rest of them if you want. You just saddle up and ride right along with all those other shitters. Who gives a tin shit?” He drew in a shivering breath, and a single hurt sob escaped him before he could clap a gloved hand brutally over his mouth.
He began to walk backward toward the car; he reached out blindly behind himself for the Plymouth and Christine was there. “Just as long as you know you’re crazy. Right out of your mind! So go on and play you! I don’t need any of you!”
His voice rose to a thin scream, in devilish harmony with the wind:
“I don’t need you so fuck off!”
He rushed around to the driver’s side, his feet slid and he grabbed for Christine. She was there and he didn’t fall. He got in, the engine revved, the headlights came on in a huge white glare, and the Fury pulled out, rear tyres spinning up a fog of snow.
Now the tears came fast and hard as she stood watching, the tail-lights fade to round red periods and wink out as the car went around the corner. Her packages lay scattered at her feet.
And then, suddenly, her mother was there, absurdly clothed in an open raincoat, green rubber boots, and
