storybook magic. That was the secret I wanted more than anything.
Spring thaw was well behind us and the troupe was riding through the forests and fields of the western Commonwealth. I was riding along, as per normal, in the front of Ben’s wagon. Summer was just deciding to make itself known again and everything was green and growing.
Things had been quiet for about an hour. Ben was drowsing with the reins held loosely in one hand when the wagon hit a stone and jarred us both out of our respective reveries.
Ben pulled himself more upright in his seat, and addressed me in a tone I had grown to think of as Have-I- Got-a-Puzzle-for-You. “How would you bring a kettle of water to a boil?”
Looking around I saw a large boulder by the side of the road. I pointed.
“That stone should be warm from sitting in the sun. I’d bind it to the water in the kettle, and use the heat in the stone to bring the water to boil.”
“Stone to water isn’t very efficient,” Ben chided me. “Only about one part in fifteen would end up warming the water.”
“It would work.”
“I’ll grant you that. But it’s sloppy. You can do better, E’lir.”
He then proceeded to shout at Alpha and Beta, a sign that he was in a genuine good mood. They took it as calmly as ever, in spite of the fact that he accused them of things I’m sure no donkey has ever willingly done, especially not Beta, who possessed impeccable moral character.
Stopping midtirade, he asked, “How would you bring down that bird?” He gestured to a hawk riding the air above a wheat field to the side of the road.
“I probably wouldn’t. It’s done nothing to me.”
“Hypothetically”
“I’m saying that, hypothetically, I wouldn’t do it.”
Ben chuckled. “Point made, E’lir. Precisely
“I’d get Teren to shoot it down.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “Good, good. However, it is a matter between you and the bird. That hawk,” he gestured indignantly, “has said something uncouth about your mother.”
“Ah. Then my honor demands I defend her good name myself.”
“Indeed it does.”
“Do I have a feather?”
“No.”
“Tehlu hold and—” I bit off the rest of what I was going to say at his disapproving look. “You never make it easy, do you?”
“It’s an annoying habit I picked up from a student who was too clever for his own good.” He smiled. “What could you do even if you had a feather?”
“I’d bind it to the bird and lather it with lye soap.”
Ben furrowed his brow, such as it was. “What kind of binding?”
“Chemical. Probably second catalytic.”
A thoughtful pause. “Second catalytic ...” He scratched at his chin. “To dissolve the oil that makes the feather smooth?”
I nodded.
He looked up at the bird. “I’ve never thought of that,” he said with a kind of quiet admiration. I took it as a compliment.
“Nevertheless,” he looked back to me, “you have no feather. How do you bring it down?”
I thought for several minutes, but couldn’t think of anything. I decided to try and turn this into a different sort of lesson.
“I would,” I said casually, “simply call the wind, and make it strike the bird from the sky.”
Ben gave me a calculating look that told me he knew exactly what I was up to. “And how would you do that, E’lir?”
I sensed he might be ready to finally tell me the secret he had been keeping all through the winter months. At the same time I was struck with an idea.
I drew in a deep breath and spoke the words to bind the air in my lungs to the air outside. I fixed the Alar firmly in my mind, put my thumb and forefinger in front of my pursed lips, and blew between them.
There was a light puff of wind at my back that tousled my hair and caused the tarpaulin covering the wagon to pull taut for a moment. It might have been nothing more than a coincidence, but nevertheless, I felt an exultant smile overflow my face. For a second I did nothing but grin like a maniac at Ben, his face dull with disbelief.
Then I felt something squeeze my chest, as if I was deep underwater.
I tried to draw a breath but couldn’t. Mildly confused, I kept trying. It felt as if I’d just fallen flat on my back and had the air driven from me.
All in a rush I realized what I had done. My body exploded into a cold sweat and I grabbed frantically at Ben’s shirt, pointing at my chest, my neck, my open mouth.
Ben’s face turned from shocked to ashen as he looked at me.
I realized how still everything was. Not a blade of grass was stirring. Even the sound of the wagon seemed muted, as if far off in the distance.
Terror screamed through my mind, drowning out any thought. I began to claw at my throat, ripping my shirt open. My heart thundered through the ringing in my ears. Pain stabbed through my straining chest as I gaped for air.
Moving more quickly than I had ever seen before, Ben grabbed me by the tatters of my shirt and sprang from the seat of the wagon. Landing in the grass by the side of the road, he dashed me to the ground with such a force that, if I’d had any air in my lungs, it would have been driven out of me.
Tears streaked my face as I thrashed blindly. I knew that I was going to die. My eyes felt hot and red. I raked madly at the earth with hands that were numb and cold as ice.
I was aware of someone shouting, but it seemed very far away. Ben kneeled above me, but the sky was getting dim behind him. He seemed almost distracted, as if he were listening to something I couldn’t hear.
Then he looked at me, all I remember were his eyes, they seemed far away and filled with a terrible power, dispassionate and cold.
He looked at me. His mouth moved. He called the wind.
A leaf in lightning, I shook. And the thunderclap was black.
The next thing I remember was Ben helping me to my feet. I was dimly aware of the other wagons stopping and curious faces peering at us. My mother came away from our wagon and Ben met her halfway, chuckling and saying something reassuring. I couldn’t make out the words as I was focused on breathing deep, in and out.
The other wagons trundled on, and I followed Ben mutely back to his wagon. He made a show of puttering around, checking the cords that held the tarpaulin tight. I collected my wits and was helping as best I could when the final wagon in the troupe passed us.
When I looked up, Ben’s eyes were furious. “What were you thinking?” he hissed. “Well? What? What were you thinking?” I’d never seen him like this before, his whole body drawn up into a tight knot of anger. He was shaking with it. He drew back his arm to strike me ... then stopped. After a moment his hand fell to his side.
Moving methodically he checked the last couple of ropes and climbed back onto the wagon. Not knowing what else to do, I followed him.
Ben twitched the reins and Alpha and Beta tugged the wagon into motion. We were last in line now. Ben stared straight ahead. I fingered the torn front of my shirt. It was tensely silent.
In hindsight, what I had done was glaringly stupid. When I bound my breath to the air outside, it made it impossible for me to breathe. My lungs weren’t strong enough to move that much air. I would have needed a chest like an iron bellows. I would have had as much luck trying to drink a river or lift a mountain.
We rode for about two hours in an uncomfortable silence. The sun was brushing the tops of the trees when Ben finally drew in a deep breath and let it out in an explosive sigh. He handed me the reins.
