Bitten

'Uh-near the lake,' I said. 'South of Front Street.'

'And work?'

'Bay-Bloor district.'

It sounded like idle conversation, but I knew it wasn't. Behind Clay's eyes, his brain ticked, working out the geography and distances.

'Security?' he asked.

'Pretty good. The apartment building has a secured entrance. Nothing fancy. Just keys and a buzz-in system. Dead bolt and chain on my door.'

Clay snorted. If a mutt could get past the front door, all the locks in the world wouldn't keep him out of my apartment. I'd once mentioned a security system to Philip, but he thought the only reliable home protection was a good insurance policy. I couldn't tell him I was worried about being attacked. That hardly fit the persona of a woman who took solitary walks at 2 a.m.

'At work there's a first-floor security guard,' I said. 'You need an ID card to get into my office. Plus it's a busy place. If I stick to regular working hours, no one's going to target me there. I don't even have to go back to work, really…'

'Stick to regular routines, like Jeremy said.' Clay looked out the window. 'So who am I supposed to be?'

'My second cousin. In town looking for work.'

'Is that necessary?'

'It sounded good. If you're my cousin, then I'd be obligated to put you up-'

'I meant the looking for work part. I'm not going to be looking for work, Elena, and I don't want some elaborate script to follow. Say I'm in town doing work at the university-my normal work. I'll contact a few people there, stop by the department, maybe do a bit of research. Keep it real.'

'Sure, but it would seem easier just to say-'

'I'm not playing a role, Elena. Not any more than I have to.'

He faced the window and didn't say anything else for the rest of the flight.

***

No matter how much I'd brooded during the flight, the full impact of what we were doing didn't hit me until we were in the airport. We'd picked up our luggage and were heading to the taxi stand when I realized I was about to take Clay to the apartment I shared with Philip. My chest constricted, my heart pounded, and by the time we were at the entrance, I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack.

Clay was a full pace ahead of me. I reached forward and grabbed his arm.

'You don't have to do this,' I said.

He didn't look at me. 'It's what Jeremy wants.'

'But that doesn't mean you have to do it. He wants me safe, right? There's got to be another way.'

Clay kept his back to me. 'I said I'd stay with you. That's what I'm going to do.'

'You can do that without going to my apartment.'

He stopped and turned just enough so I could see his quarter profile. 'How am I supposed to do that? Sleep in the alley outside your building?'

'No, I mean we don't have to go to my apartment. We'll go someplace else. A hotel room or something.'

'And you'll go with me?'

'Sure. Of course.'

'And you'll stay with me?'

'Exactly. Whatever you want.'

I could hear the desperation in my voice and despised it, but I couldn't stop myself. My hands were shaking so badly that people around us were starting to stare.

'Whatever you want,' I repeated. 'Jeremy won't know. He said he won't contact us by phone, so he won't know whether we're staying at the apartment. I'll be safe and you'll be with me. That's what's important, right?'

For nearly a minute, Clay didn't move. Then he slowly turned toward me. As he did, I caught a glint of something like hope in his eyes, but it vanished as soon as he saw my expression. His jaw tightened and he locked my gaze.

'Fine,' he said. 'Anything I want?' He wheeled toward a bank of pay phones and grabbed the nearest receiver. 'Call him.'

'He said we can't call him. No phone contact.'

'Not Jeremy. This man. Call him and tell him it's over. The apartment's his. You'll pick up your stuff later.'

'That's not-'

'Not what you meant, right? I didn't think so. What's the plan then? You run back and forth between us until you've made up your mind?'

'I've made up my mind. Anything that happened at Stonehaven was a mistake, like it's always been a mistake. I never misled you. You knew there was someone else. It was the same damned thing that happens every time I go back to that place. I get caught up in it. I lose myself.'

'In what? The house? A pile of bricks and mortar?'

'In that place,' I said, gritting my teeth, 'That world and everything about it, including you. I don't want it, but when I'm there, I can't resist. It takes over.'

He gave a harsh laugh. 'Bullshit. There is nothing in this world or that world or any world that you couldn't fight, Elena. Do you know what magical spell 'that place' has you under? It makes you happy. But you won't admit that because, to you, the only acceptable happiness comes in the 'normal' world, with 'normal' friends and a 'normal' man. You're bound and determined to make yourself happy with that kind of life, even if it kills you.'

People were openly staring now. Alarm bells should have been going off in my head, telling me I was acting improperly for the human world. But they weren't. I didn't give a damn. I turned on my heel and glared at two elderly women tut-tutting behind me. They fell back, eyes widening. I strode toward the exit.

'When's the last time you called him?' Clay called after me.

I stopped.

Clay walked up behind me and lowered his voice so no one else could hear. 'Not counting this morning when you called to tell him we were coming. When did you last call?'

I said nothing.

'Sunday,' he said. 'Three days ago,'

'I've been busy,' I said.

'Bullshit. You forgot him. You think he makes you happy? You think this life makes you happy? Well, then here's your chance. Take me there. Show me how happy it makes you. Prove it.'

'Screw you,' I snarled and strode to the door.

Clay came after me, but he was too late. I was out of the airport and in a cab before he caught up. I slammed the cab door, narrowly missing Clay's fingers, then gave the driver my address. As we pulled away, I allowed myself the small satisfaction of looking in the side mirror and seeing Clay standing on the sidewalk.

Too bad I hadn't been more specific when I told him where I lived. 'Near' the lake covered a lot of real estate… with a lot of apartment buildings.

***

When I got to my building, I buzzed up to my apartment. Philip answered, sounding surprised when I announced myself. I hadn't lost my key. Don't ask why I buzzed to be let in. I only hoped Philip wouldn't ask either.

When I got upstairs, Philip was in the hall outside the elevator. He reached out and embraced me. I instinctively stiffened, then hugged him back.

'You should have called from the airport,' he said. 'I was waiting to pick you up.' He looked over my shoulder.