Crooked Little Vein

“No chance. One-time thing. I’m not carrying my nuts around in a wheelbarrow for you.”

“And I thought you liked me. Didn’t you have to make a phone call?”

“Shit. So I did. Someone distracted me.”

“So it’s all my fault now?”

“Absolutely.” I kissed her hair. “I’ll call him later. He’ll still be awake.”

“Who do you need to talk to?”

“Bob Ajax. Guy I knew back in my Chicago days. He moved to San Antonio a few years ago. A little local knowledge might help.”

“You don’t look happy about it.”

“Oh, I like Bob fine. He’s a good guy. What bothers me is who we have to go and see.” I sighed, tried to relax. “Doesn’t matter. Not right now.”

“No. It doesn’t. You stay right here. How long since you last got laid?”

“Well, I remember saying, Mr. Lincoln, when am I going to meet a nice girl?”

“Seriously.”

“Since my girlfriend left me, pretty much. A few years.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish.”

“A few years? I would have died. It would have healed over.”

“If you check the condom, you’ll find a bunch of gray pebbles in the end.”

“Oh, that’s gross.”

“You bring out the best in me. I need a cigarette.”

Cold and sticky, wobbly knees, rooting around in my jacket, something occurred to me. Because I can’t just leave things alone.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why this.”

She coiled around onto her front, feet on the headboard, and considered me. “I think I want to meet your ex. And kill her for whatever she did to your brain.”

“No, really. Was it just because…?”

“Because what? Because your dick was full of brine? Because when I’m horny I just jump into bed with the first available live body?”

“No,” I lied, because when she put it like that I sounded like an asshole, and that couldn’t be right. “I just…You weren’t interested in me like…that.”

She stared. “Oh my God, Mike.”

“What? You came for the thesis and the job. I know that. That was the deal, I’m not pissed or anything.”

Her eyes were like saucers. “You. Are. Such. A. Retard.”

“What did I do now?”

“Mike. I wanted to kiss you the first time you made me laugh. But you’re always so…freaked out. By everything. Mike, you’re a really nice guy who made me laugh and you wanted me to go on an adventure with you. You think that happens to me, you know, ever? Do you have any idea when anyone last wanted to talk to me for what was in my head?”

I stood there like an idiot with the cigarettes in my hand, unable to think of anything worth saying.

“I’m not getting through to you, am I?” Trix smiled.

“…um.”

“Okay. Easy-reading version. I wanted to spend time with you and see what happened. I am kind of a big slut, but I don’t give it away for candy bars. I sleep with people I really like. I really like you. I am not here for the money or the thesis. I am here because I really like you, and because you took me on an adventure with you. How’s that?”

“…big slut?”

“Come here.”

I went back to the bed, forgetting the smokes. She reached up, grabbed me by my nipple, and pulled me down.

“Here’s what’s going to happen. We are going to continue our trip for as long as it lasts. We are going to learn about each other and be together. We are going to be friends. We will go back to New York and we will still be friends. And we are going to have sex, you know, a lot. Because that’s what I do with my very best friends because it makes us closer and because it is fun. You will agree now.”

“Yes.”