Grandad, Thereэ's head on the beach

less.'

'You would make a lovely couple.'

'You and I would stand more chance.'

'That hopeless? I'll break the news to her gently. Let's go and see her. They're all waiting for you.'

I took him along the beach. We'd rented a large plastic awning on legs from PI Meng just in case it rained. We'd set it up near the forty-five-degree latrine. There were ropes anchored on the beach running down into the bowels of the toilet block. We called it extreme peeing. Of course, at night, few people bothered to use the facilities.

There was a standing ovation for Chom when we joined the group. Our almost complete band of heroes was there sitting around one large table: Sissi, Arny, Gaew, Grandad Jah, Ex-Police Captain Waew, Ed, and PI Meng. Sissi was in her countryside casual, baggy chinos, tight spaghetti-strap top, hair in a ponytail. Lots of make-up. It was remarkable-after her Howard Hughes year of solitude-that she would allow herself to be here on show. Yet she was relaxed, making fun of the local dialect, hitting shamelessly on Ed. Apart from that last part, I loved having her here. Before he sat down, Chompu leaned over and gave her a real kiss on the cheek. She feigned a faint. There was a silent pause followed by a loud 'Oooo' from the crowd. I wondered how many sitting there understood that my sister and the lieutenant had just officially become girlfriends.

'What's in the box?' Chompu asked me.

At the center of the table-actually a lot of small tables joined together and covered in plastic-was a small wooden chest. I'd considered leaving it open but decided that wasn't such a tasteful idea. The chest was just big enough to fit a foam box, which in turn contained ice, which in turn…

'I went to the Rescue Foundation yesterday,' I told him. 'It was under lock and key, but another foundation had won the bidding war to take over its stock. One item of that stock was the head we found on the beach, which started all this. Nobody had claimed him and I thought it would be fitting…'

'He's in the box?'

'I've arranged a ceremony for tomorrow. I thought he should have one more night out before his trip.'

'You're a most peculiar child.'

'I know.'

Once drinks were replenished, the debriefing began.

'Shouldn't we wait for Bigman Beung and Captain Kow?' Ed asked.

'No,' said Grandad. 'Get on with it.'

We discussed the things we might have done better and gloated over the parts that had gone well. I was a little concerned that I had edged so close to being killed merely for the sake of a musical end to the evening.

'OK, Ed,' I said. 'When was it exactly that you knew you had thirty little boats joining us?'

He looked sensational. His hair greased back. A white cotton shirt with no collar contrasting with his tan. He and my sister were getting along a little too well for my liking. It was time to put him in his place.

'I think it was all Captain Kow's doing,' said Ed. 'He was in touch with the little boats all the time. I think what sold them was the idea it was all being broadcast to the world on the Internet. They gave up fishing for the night. Nothing like an audience to bring out the showman in a man. So once they caught up with us, Kow and I directed them into a circle, and the rest you know.'

'I know I almost died,' I told him.

'No, you didn't. I was watching through the binoculars. You were safe.'

'And you didn't think 'Dancing Queen' might be inappropriate for the situation?'

'It's the only one in English they've got on the checklist. They've got it written down phonetically.'

'They didn't have any idea what it meant,' said PI Meng.

I had more complaints to level at Ed, but Mair arrived just then with a tray of squid and a red glow. I knew she'd been tippling. She too received a standing ovation, to which she curtseyed, and half the squid dropped onto the table.

'Is he still in there?' she asked, referring to our head in the box.

'I didn't see him leave,' said Grandad Jah, which was as near to a joke as we'd heard from him for a long time. He got a laugh from the heroes.

'How about a toast to head,' I said. 'If it wasn't for him, a lot more of his brothers and sisters would probably be dead by now.'

'To head,' said Sissi.

'To head,' said everyone else.

We downed our drinks and refilled our glasses just in time for the next standing ovation.

'You all just go ahead and start without me' came a voice.

We turned to see Bigman Beung dressed in a pure white naval dress uniform. We turned away from the glare.

'Where's your wife?' I asked.

'Which one?' he replied. 'I have so many of them, major and minor.'

'What are you tonight, brother?' asked Ed.

'British navy,' he boasted. 'Gunner. First class. Found it in a locker when they gave tours around the Queen Elizabeth II before they turned her into a hotel. It's a bit big, but it really gets the girls damp.'

'Let's give him a welcome before he says anything else inappropriate,' I said.

We all stood and saluted the headman.

'I have experience with British sailors,' said Mair.

'Not now, girl,' said Grandad.

'I'd like to hear it,' said Gaew, who hadn't left my brother's arm all evening.

Again we were rescued by an arrival, this time of Captain Kow who'd been parking the headman's truck for him. He looked dashing in a button-collar shirt and jeans with a leather belt.

'Ah, a real hero,' said Waew.

Grandad muttered something under his breath.

We all stood.

'Captain Kow,' I said. 'I thank you. The head thanks you. We all thank you.'

'Cbaiyo,' we all said, which was much more rousing than 'cheers.' We drank to the captain and retained our seats. All, that is, apart from Sissi, who remained standing. It occurred to me she hadn't yet met our brave fisherman.

'This is Captain Kow,' I told her. 'He's the one who followed the ferry out to the slavers and organized the karaoke attack. This is my brother, Somkiet,' I said. 'Although most of us call him Sissi.'

There was an odd, uncomfortable moment when Sissi just stood there, staring at the captain with an astounded expression on her face. The captain smiled, almost apologetically.

'How are you, Dad?' Sissi said at last.

'Fine, son. You?'