Blood Loss

None to one. ‘Seven.’

‘And what about eating?’ said Dr Lone.

And the correct answer is: ‘I’m eating well … regularly.’

‘And your caffeine intake?’ said Dr Lone.

Beautifully, wonderfully excessive. ‘Maybe a little more than usual, but we’re on an intense case.’

‘So everything is fine,’ said Dr Lone.

It actually is, people! ‘Absolutely.’

‘Yet, you think I might have put you on medication …’

‘Just … psychiatrists like to medicate.’

‘Not all of them,’ said Dr Lone.

‘So, how else would you correct a chemical imbalance … if you felt there was one?’ said Ren.

‘Assuming a chemical imbalance is what lies behind mental illness …’ said Dr Lone.

‘But-’

‘No study has ever proven that depression, for example, is caused by a chemical imbalance …’ said Dr Lone.

‘But, serotonin,’ said Ren. ‘Dopamine …’

Dr Lone nodded. ‘No study has shown that depression is caused by a lack of dopamine or serotonin.’

‘But … I’ve spent my whole life thinking I had a chemical imbalance,’ said Ren.

‘I would venture,’ said Dr Lone, ‘that you spent a great part of your life not thinking there was anything wrong with you and being oblivious to the field of psychopharmacology … until a psychiatrist diagnosed you in your mid- twenties. And then when you read up on bipolar disorder, you were assaulted with very clever advertising campaigns that reinforced the chemical imbalance theory.’

‘But I’ve read studies … in medical journals …’ said Ren.

‘You may have read that antidepressants raise dopamine and serotonin levels, and yes, that’s true — they do,’ said Lone. ‘But perhaps what you may not have read is that low levels of dopamine and serotonin have never been shown to cause depression.’

What?!

He nodded. ‘One could argue that fevers are caused by too little aspirin …’

‘That’s insane,’ said Ren.

‘It’s easy for someone to feel that they haven’t been treated if they don’t leave a doctor’s office without a prescription. Desperate people want help,’ said Dr Lone. ‘Or at least hope. They like to think there’s a quick fix. And I think differently.’

‘What do you think?’

‘I think medication can work for some people, absolutely. But I think it’s over-prescribed. I think antidepressants can work in the short term to get people back on their feet, but that diet, exercise and talking are the key. The right diet and exercise can work as well, and, in some cases, better than antidepressants. It’s just very difficult to persuade people. Either way, I certainly wouldn’t be prescribing medication after the first consult. All my sessions are typically one-hour long, by the way, not just the first session. They are that length so that we have time to talk.’

Oh. Dear. God. No. How is work even paying for that? Because I’m not worth it. Gary is the one who should be here. He’s lost his mind.

‘For today, Ren, I’d like you to go through some of your history …’

Noo. ‘Normal childhood, happy home, trained with the FBI, went undercover, came out from under the cover, psychiatrist died, here I am.’ She glanced up at the clock behind him.

He noticed. He slid his chair back a little from the desk. ‘I’m afraid that our time has run out.’

Oh. ‘OK,’ said Ren. But … no, it hasn’t. And aren’t you even going to mention the skimming over of the background?

‘Shall I see you again next week, Ren?’ said Dr Lone. ‘What would you think about that?’

No. Way.

‘Two weeks?’ said Dr Lone. He smiled.

‘Yes, that would be great.’ Who said that?

‘Two weeks it is,’ said Dr Lone. ‘Can you please call Betty to confirm? She’s my right-hand woman.’

‘Yes,’ said Ren. ‘And … will it be for a whole hour?’

Dr Lone nodded. ‘Your boss has sanctioned that.’

Ren jogged down the stairs and out to her Jeep. She pulled out her phone when she got there. She texted Ben Rader.

Am in twn. Hav 2 go 2 my place 2 pck up clothes … 5 mins of ur time?

Ben texted right back:

U bet.

Who needs therapy?

25

Ren pulled out her cell phone and texted Matt.

Saw shrink: priestly (not Jason). Next contestant to the stage to perform! Or not …

Matt: There has to be a next! Hang in there!

Ren: Not teetering on cliff edge just yet …

Matt: It’s not the teetering. It’s the jumping off drunk and nekkid for fun

Ren didn’t reply. She leaned her head against the window and stared out at the snow.

Matt, you’re like a dark cloud of doom.

Ren got back to the office at six. Gary had forwarded her the email with Mark Whaley’s calendar. She opened it and started to go through it.

She called Gary. ‘Did Nolan Carr mention someone called Hillier?’

‘Yes,’ said Gary. ‘It’s not a person. It’s MeesterBrandt’s Contract Research Organization — the company that takes care of their clinical trials.’

‘MeesterBrandt don’t do that themselves?’ said Ren.

‘No,’ said Gary.

‘So, it’s pharma-ed out …’ said Ren.

Silence.

I deserve silence.

‘So, Hillier’s in Boston?’ said Ren.

‘Yes,’ said Gary.

‘So it would be standard practice for the CFO of a pharma company to visit with their Contract Research Organization …’

‘Yes,’ said Gary.

‘It’s here in his calendar that Mark Whaley had two appointments: Thursday afternoon/Friday morning. He stayed at The Lowry Hotel …’

‘And in terms of recent hotel stays — is that it?’ said Gary.

‘Yes,’ said Ren. ‘I’ll get in touch with The Lowry, see if there’s anything there …’

‘What are you thinking?’ said Gary.

‘Hotel room precedent,’ said Ren. ‘And I’m thinking affair. Was he meeting a lady friend? A man friend? A paid-for friend? A Fisherman’s Friend? I could go on all day.’

‘Hold up,’ said Gary. ‘Where are you right now?’

‘In the office. Why?’

‘Can you hear that?’ said Gary.

‘What?’ said Ren.