Defending His Own

of her waist. She looked into his warm hazel eyes, seeing plainly the care and concern he felt.

'Let's go to the back of the room and sit. Please. I have something to tell you. Something to explain.'

'What is it, honey?' The pleading tone of her voice unnerved him. He sensed her withdrawal from him even though they were still physically connected. The emotional fear he noted on her face scared the hell out of him. 'Deborah?'

She took his hand and led him to chairs in the back of the small chapel. They sat side by side. She wanted to continue holding his hand, to keep the physical contact unbroken, but she wasn't sure she could even look at him when she told him the truth.

Her heartbeat grew louder and louder; she was surprised he couldn't hear its wild thumping. Bracing her back against the chair, she took a deep breath.

'Deborah, are you all right?' She had turned pale, her eyes darkening with what he sensed was fear.

'This isn't easy for me, so please bear with me. Let me tell you what I must without your questioning me. Not until I've said it all. All right?'

Ashe reached for her. Shuddering, she cringed, holding both hands before her in a warning not to touch her. 'Deborah, what's going on? I'm totally confused.'

'Please remember that I didn't know what Daddy did to you eleven years ago.' She took another deep breath. 'I thought you'd left town on your own, that you washed your hands of me and…'

'We've been over this already,' Ashe said. 'I don't see any need to rehash it.'

Under different circumstances, there would be no need. If she hadn't gotten pregnant the night they'd made love eleven years ago. If she hadn't given birth to his son. If she hadn't kept Allen's identity a secret.

Dear God, did she have the courage to tell him? Could she make him understand? Ashe McLaughlin was a possessive, protective male, one who would proclaim his fatherhood to the world. If she had ever doubted the deep, primeval urges within him, she knew now, only too well, that the man she loved was a man to be reckoned with, a man whose strength was feared and respected by others.

If only she knew how he truly felt about her. If he loved her, if…

'Please, Ashe, listen to me. A couple of months after that night … our one night together … I—I…'

A tight knot of fear twisted in his gut. 'You what?'

'I discovered that I was—' she died a little inside '—pregnant.'

God, no! No! He did not want to hear this. He couldn't handle the truth. He didn't want to know that Deborah had lied to him. The one woman on earth he'd thought he could trust.

'What did you do when you found out you were pregnant?' he asked, a deadly numb spreading through his body.

Already his voice had grown cold. How distant would he become when he'd heard the complete truth? 'I went to Mother. That's the reason she told Daddy. After you left town, Daddy said that I was better off without you, that he and Mother would take care of me and the baby.'

'Your father ran me out of town, knowing you were carrying my child?' Nausea rose in Ashe's throat. Hot, boiling anger churned inside him.

'Daddy arranged for Mother to announce that she was pregnant, but due to her age, she was having problems. He told everyone that Mother needed to be under a specialist's care.' Twining her fingers together, Deborah alternated rubbing her thumbs up one palm and then the other. 'When I was six months pregnant, we went away, then returned to Sheffield several weeks after Allen was born.'

Anger, confusion and hurt swirled inside Ashe's mind and body. The truth had been there all along, staring him in the face. Even Roarke had tried to tell him. But he'd been too blind to see, too sure Deborah wouldn't lie to him, too afraid to accept the possibility that Allen could be his son. He hadn't wanted to admit that he was partially responsible for not having been a part of the boy's life for the past ten years.

'Allen.' Ashe spoke the one word.

Allen Vaughn was his son. His and Deborah's. Their one passion-filled sexual encounter eleven years ago had created a child. Why had he never considered the possibility? Despite his rather promiscuous teen years, Ashe had been fairly cautious, using a condom most of the time. But he hadn't taken any precautions that night. He'd been so out of his head, needing and wanting Deborah, that he'd been careless—careless with an innocent girl who had deserved far better treatment.

Deborah looked at Ashe then and saw the mixed emotions bombarding him. 'Daddy gave me two choices. I could give my child up for adoption or I could allow him to be raised as my brother.'

You could have come to me! he wanted to shout. She should have come to him and told him. He would have taken care of her and their child. 'You had a third choice,' Ashe said.

'No, I didn't. You left town. You never called or wrote. You didn't give a damn what happened to me. You never asked yourself whether or not you might have gotten me pregnant.'

Ashe grabbed her by the shoulders, jerking her up out of her chair as he stood. 'Maybe you didn't feel that you could come to me when you first discovered you were pregnant. I guess I halfway understand your reasoning. But later… Mama Mattie always knew how to get in touch with me. All you had to do was ask her for my phone number, my address. Ten years, Deborah. Ten years!'

'I didn't know how you'd feel about being a father, about our child. You didn't love me. You'd made that perfectly clear.' She sucked in her cheeks in an effort not to cry, not to fall apart in his arms. Somehow she knew he was in no frame of mind to comfort her. Not now. Not when he was in so much pain himself.

He shook her once, twice, then stopped abruptly and dropped his hands from her shoulders. Glaring at her, he knotted his hands into fists. God, how he wanted to smash his fist against the wall. He wanted to shout his anger, vent his rage.

'Is that why you kept Allen a secret from me?' He ached with the bitterness building inside him. 'You were trying to punish me because I'd told you I didn't love you?'

'Of course not!' Seeing the hatred and distrust in his eyes, Deborah knew her worst fears were coming true. 'Allen has a good life, surrounded by people who love him.'

'Allen's life is a lie,' Ashe said, his eyes wild with the hot fury burning inside him. 'He thinks Miss Carol is his mother. Hell, he thinks Wallace Vaughn was his father.'

'I did what I thought was best.' Deborah wanted to touch Ashe, to lay her hand on his chest, to plead for his understanding. But she didn't dare. 'I was seventeen years old. My father gave me two choices. Telling you wasn't an option. If I'd thought it was, then I might have—'

'What about later? After your father died? I know Miss Carol wouldn't have tried to prevent you from contacting me.'

'After Daddy died, bringing you back into my life was not a consideration. I had to take over my father's business. I had to support Mother and Allen. Besides, you were halfway around the world most of the time.'

'Miss Carol wanted me to know, didn't she? Allen was one of the reasons she hired me to protect you.'

'Mother has the foolish idea that you once actually cared about me and that if she could get you back into our lives, you wouldn't leave us this time.'

Ashe lifted his clenched fists into the air, willing himself to control his rage. He glared at Deborah, at the one woman he thought he could trust. Suddenly, he grabbed her again, barely suppressing the desire to shake her. 'I did not leave you eleven years ago. Your father ran me out of town. Do you honestly think that anything or anyone could have forced me to leave you if I'd known you were pregnant?'

'Are you saying that you'd have married me for the baby's sake?' Deborah pulled away from him, tears swelling in her eyes. 'I didn't want you under those conditions then and I don't want you under those conditions now. I wanted you to love me. Me!' She slapped her hand against her chest. 'I wanted you to want me, not marry me because of Allen.'

'You've kept my son away from me all his life because of what you wanted? Didn't you ever think about what Allen might want or need? Or even what I wanted or needed?'

Ashe clenched his fists so tightly that his nails bit into the palms of his hands. Pain shot through his head. He couldn't think straight. He needed to escape, to get away from Deborah before he said or did something he would regret. But he couldn't leave her. He was her bodyguard.

'You mustn't tell Allen,' she said. 'Not now. He's not old enough to understand. That's one of the reasons— the main reason—I haven't told you the truth before now. I was afraid you'd want Allen to know you're his father. I just don't think he could handle the truth as young as he is.'