Defending His Own

'I won't do anything to hurt Allen.' My son. Allen Vaughn was his child. He'd looked at the boy and all he'd seen was Deborah. That blond hair, those blue eyes. But Roarke had seen what Ashe had been too blind to see.

'He's a wonderful boy,' Deborah said. 'The joy of my life.'

'Do you know me so little that you think I'd do anything to jeopardize Allen's happiness, his security? I thought you and I had something special between us years ago. I thought you were my best friend. But you didn't trust me enough to come to me and tell me you were pregnant. And now, when I thought we might have a future together, you still couldn't trust me enough to put Allen's life in my hands.'

'I do trust you, Ashe. I've put all our lives in your hands. I know I should have told you weeks ago, but … I was afraid.'

'How am I going to be able to face Allen and not want to pull him into my arms and tell him I'm his father? God, Deborah do you have any idea how I feel?'

Someone just outside the chapel door cleared their throat. Ashe and Deborah glanced toward the white uniformed young woman.

'Ms. Vaughn, I thought you'd want to know that your mother is out of surgery and the doctor is ready to speak to you.'

'How is Mother?'

'She's in recovery. She came through the surgery just fine, but I'm afraid that's all I can tell you,' the nurse said.

* * *

The next few hours seemed endless to Deborah. She alternated between the desire to scream and the desire to cry. Silent and brooding, Ashe stayed by her side. The barrier of tension between them grew stronger with each passing minute.

Now, when she needed him most, he was as remote, as far removed from her as if he were a million miles away. He would not leave her unguarded, his sense of honor would never allow him to desert her and put her life at risk. But he could not bring himself to look at her or speak to her.

Ashe was afraid of his feelings, of allowing the bitter anger free rein. More than anything, he needed to get away from Deborah, to go off by himself and think.

The doctor's news had been good. In his opinion, they had been lucky once again. They would have to wait a few days on the final test results, but the preliminary findings were positive, giving them every hope that Carol Vaughn would fully recover.

Neither Deborah nor Ashe had gone for lunch. They had paced around the waiting room, avoiding each other, not speaking, not even looking at each other. Their being together had become an agony for her and she had no doubt it had been as difficult for Ashe. She knew he wanted to get away from her, but he couldn't. He was bound by his honor to protect her.

When Miss Carol was returned to her private room, Ashe went in and said a brief hello. Not wanting to say or do anything that might upset Deborah's mother, he made a quick exit, telling Deborah he would remain outside in the hallway and that she should stay with her mother for as long as she wanted to.

'Did you tell him?' Carol Vaughn asked.

'Yes, Mother, I told him.'

'And?'

'And everything is going to be all right,' Deborah lied. 'He understands.'

Carol Vaughn smiled. 'I knew he would. He'll take good care of you and Allen.'

When her mother fell asleep shortly before five in the afternoon, Deborah kissed her pale cheek and walked out into the hallway.

Ashe stood, leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. 'Is she all right?' he asked.

'She's sleeping.' Deborah glanced at Ashe, but when she saw the coldness in his eyes, she looked away. 'I'd like to go home now.'

He escorted her downstairs to the parking lot, not touching her, not saying another word. The drive home was an exercise in torture. For Deborah. And for Ashe.

Suddenly her life seemed void of hope. Where she had felt the joy of being in love, the resurgence of dreams she'd thought long dead, now she felt only loss. Had she lost Ashe again? Or as in the past, had he never truly been hers?

Deborah glanced out the side window of Ashe's rental car, knowing that nothing she could say or do at this point would change the way he felt. When she heard him dialing his cellular phone, she glanced at him.

Quickly he returned his gaze to the road ahead. 'Roarke?'

'How's Miss Carol?' Roarke asked. 'Ever since Deborah called Allen with the good news, he's been wanting to talk to his mother.'

'Miss Carol is doing real good. We left her sleeping.' Ashe paused for a second. 'I'm bringing Deborah home, but something's come up and I need to go out. Alone.'

'No problem. Want to tell me what's wrong?'

'You were right about Allen.'

'How'd you find out?' Roarke asked.

'Deborah told me. Today. While Miss Carol was in surgery.'

'What are you going to do?'

'I don't know.' Ashe clutched the steering wheel. 'I can't see Allen right now. Keep him inside until I drop Deborah off. Okay?'

'Yeah, sure.'

Ashe closed his cellular phone and slipped it back into his coat pocket. 'Roarke will take care of you.'

'Where are you going?' Deborah wished he'd look at her, but he didn't.

'I need to get away by myself for a few hours and do some serious thinking.'

'Ashe, please… You may not believe this now, but … I love you.'

Without replying, he drove up Montgomery Avenue, turned into the Vaughn driveway and waited for Deborah to get out. She hesitated for just a moment, hoping he would say something. He didn't. She jumped out of the car, slammed the car door and rushed up on the front porch where Roarke stood waiting. Ashe roared away, leaving Deborah alone, uncertain and miserable.

Ashe McLaughlin was good at that, she thought. Leaving. Maybe she had made a mistake, eleven years ago and more recently, too. But everything wasn't her fault. Surely when his temper cooled and he had time to think reasonably, he would see that he wasn't the only injured party in this situation.

She wasn't sure exactly what she had expected when she told him the truth, but somewhere deep inside her, she had hoped he would understand, that he would forgive her.

'Are you all right?' Roarke asked.

'I've been better,' she said.

'Allen's helping Mazie set the table for dinner. He's going to want to know why Ashe isn't with you.'

'I gather you suspected that Allen was Ashe's son.'

'I saw the similarities. I knew your and Ashe's background. He told me about you, one night when we'd both had a little too much to drink.'

'Ashe told you about me?'

'That surprises you?' Roarke opened the front door, placed his hand in the small of Deborah's back and followed her into the entrance hall.

'Why would Ashe tell you about me, about our… Ashe didn't love me. I don't understand.'

'Maybe he didn't love you,' Roarke said. 'But he sure as hell never forgot you. He never got over the way he felt about you.'

'I was in love with him then, you know. I'm even more in love with him now.'

'Give him time to sort out his feelings.' Roarke laid his big hand on Deborah's shoulder. 'He has a son he never knew about and he's found out that a woman he'd just learned to trust again has kept a secret from him for eleven years.'

Allen ran into the entrance hall, Huckleberry loping behind him. 'How's Mother? When can I go see her?' Allen glanced around, then stared at the door. 'Where's Ashe? Parking the car?'