for the box, but she tried not to think about what Octavion would think-or see. She wasn’t, however, expecting his hand to wander from the arm of the chair and graze her thigh. She jumped back and squealed, dropping the box into his lap. The lid popped open, spilling the contents.
He didn’t complain, simply picked up the comb and handed it to her then turned over the box and placed the items back in their place.
“I’m sorry, you startled me.”
“It was my fault. Perhaps you should go back to drying your hair.” His jaw muscles tightened.
She pushed his legs aside and sat on the ottoman. “Were all these things your mother’s?”
“Most are, yes.”
“I’m sorry, Octavion. I should have been more careful. May I see them?”
He picked up the last item, put it in the box and handed it to her. Most of the items were things she would use to fix her hair. There were several decorative combs, a few ribbons and a long, peculiar looking pin. But the things that caught Kira’s attention were two broken pink crystals. She picked up the pieces, held them together and saw they were once part of one whole. One end connected to a silver loop that must have hung on a necklace. It would have been beautiful.
“Was this your mother’s too? How did it break?”
“No.” He took it from Kira and put it back into the box then closed the lid. “I broke it.”
She sensed his reluctance to share the circumstances behind what happened, but her curiosity got the better of her. She put her hand on his. “Octavion, why won’t you talk to me? Did I do something wrong?”
He raised his eyes from the box and sighed. “This is not a conversation you want to have right now. Trust me.”
“Tell me. No secrets, remember?”
He searched her eyes for a moment. “It was to be Serena’s engagement present. I held it in my hand the night my father entered Lydia’s chambers. . and told me Serena had died.”
“Oh.”
Neither said anything more. All she could think about was the stone he’d picked out for her the day before. Had he intended it to be an engagement present for her? She wasn’t sure she wanted to know-it would cheapen it somehow. She stepped to the fire to dry her hair while Octavion returned the box to its place on the shelf, sat back in the chair and closed his eyes.
It had been dark for a while when her hair had finally dried. She slipped under the covers on the bed and tried to sleep.
A few minutes passed when Octavion stood and came to sit next to her. “Kira.” He gently brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. “I am sorry.”
“Will you hold me?” she asked, desperate to feel his arms around her.
He looked at the empty space beside her and then focused on her face. “Not tonight.” He smiled, but it didn’t seem genuine to her. He kissed her on the forehead, pulled the covers up and went to lie on the animal pelt in front of the fire.
With one clumsy move she’d managed to bring back painful memories of both the mother he never knew and the woman he loved and lost. Now he wanted nothing to do with her. In response to his rejection, Kira rolled over toward the wall and curled into a ball. Her shell was a good place to be tonight.
Chapter Thirty Three
For several minutes Kira numbly stared at the dark cobblestone wall, trying to figure out how she’d turned what began as a perfect day into a nightmare. At some point she found sleep, but it didn’t last. When she woke she heard Octavion put another log on the fire. She slowly turned to find him sitting on the rug with his back to her, one knee drawn up with his arm draped over it. She watched as the flames from the hot coals found life in the added chunk of wood. The hot sap caused the fire to snap, sending sparks into the air and up the chimney. The renewed flames licked the air, stealing the coolness from around the room.
She found herself thinking about what it would be like to lay in his arms. Not like before, but with no restraints or conditions. She wanted him. She needed him more than ever before. The reasons she’d conjured up for prolonging their intimacy seemed lost in her memories-a memory of violence and abuse. She no longer felt like the innocent girl he fell in love with near the falls, but a barren shell of a woman who had very little left to give. She had no reason to save something that served no purpose.
Before she could silence her thoughts, she stood behind him, waiting for him to take notice of her presence.
“Not tonight,” he said. His voice had a deep and throaty sound to it.
She remained standing behind him, not willing to accept his words. In one fluid motion, he stood and turned to face her. His eyes wandered down the full length of her body and then back up to meet her eyes-to gaze into her soul. She didn’t dare look away.
She took his hand and placed it over her heart, slipping his fingers between his shirt and her skin, letting him touch the skin just below her collar bone. His eyes shifted down to watch as she made his fingertips trace the base of her neck, feeling her racing pulse. She continued to guide them up her jaw and brush across her lower lip. She kissed the tip of his fingers and when his eyes found hers again they were threaded with tiny threads of gold.
“Make love to me,” she pleaded.
His eyes were uncertain. He shook his head, barely moving it from side to side. “No,” he finally said.
“But I want you to. I don’t want to wait anymore.”
He looked intently into her eyes. “Are you certain, Kira? This is what you want?”
She nodded.
He ran his hand through her auburn hair, stopping at the nape of her neck to pull her closer. He pressed his lips to hers, not holding back the passion she was sure he’d been suppressing for months. She melted into him as he gently lowered her body to the animal pelt. Propped up on one elbow, he leaned over to kiss her neck and take in her scent. One hand still held her head while the other slowly made its way up her thigh.
Her whole body pulsed with heat. She didn’t know how to react to these new feelings surging through her. She wanted this, she did. She felt sure she did. She closed her eyes and tried to relax by taking a deep breath, but it caught. Octavion tensed, pulling away from her and finding her eyes again.
“Are you crying?” he asked.
“No,” she lied.
“Kira, if you are not ready, we should wait.”
“I am ready. I’m just. .” She couldn’t find the words so she turned away to avoid his eyes. She didn’t want him to see the fear in them. She didn’t want him to see the real reason she needed him to be near her. She wasn’t even sure what that reason was until that very moment-she didn’t want to lose him. If he made love to her, he wouldn’t leave her for Serena. She knew it in her heart. But it was too late. Right before she averted her eyes she caught the reaction in his face. She’d faltered for a split second and he’d seen it in her soul. She wasn’t ready.
He helped her to sit then turned back to face the fire. “You should go back to the bed, Kira.”
She took his words as another rejection and began to cry, this time not hiding her emotions. A massive lump in her throat threatened to choke her as she sobbed. “I’m sorry,” she said as she drew her knees up under his shirt and wrapped her arms around them. “I’m so. . sorry.”
He slowly turned to question her, his voice tender. “Why did you change your mind? Why now?”
“I didn’t. You were the one that. . stopped.”
He wiped the tears from her cheeks and gently held her face between his hands. “No, you told me you wanted to wait, to save yourself. Why did you change your mind? I need to know.”
There were so many emotions racing through her at once, she didn’t know where to start. How could she tell him she feared losing him? How could she question the love and sacrifice he’d shown her? Hadn’t he proven himself time and time again? But that was all before he knew Serena lived, before Kira had everything she held sacred taken from her. Before, when their love felt pure and simple-when