Kira thought about his question one more time, trying to find the right words to express how she really felt. She needed to be straightforward and tell him the truth-she owed him that much. She sat back, wiped the tears from her eyes and said the words that she’d felt swimming around in her heart for days.
“There’s nothing left of me. . to save.”
She could feel the numbness of her shell taking over her emotions as she pushed herself away from him and stood. She went back to the bed, slid under the covers and faced the wall again. The room fell eerily quiet. She could hear no movement coming from behind her. Her words still hung in the air as if held there by an invisible thread. As her body began to tremble, she closed her eyes and ordered herself not to cry.
She didn’t hear him get up off the floor, only felt his weight as he sat on the edge of the bed. When his hand touched her side, she tightened the shell around her and willed him to go away, but he didn’t listen.
“Kira,” he whispered. So soft. So gentle. “I have something I need to say, but I need you to see my face. I need you to see the truth in my eyes.”
She couldn’t move. She felt wrapped in a cocoon with no way of escaping.
“Please, Kira.” He pulled the covers back, drew her into his arms and held her there. The warmth of his embrace melted the imaginary silk threads that bound her body. She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his chest. She still trembled, so he yanked the blankets off the bed, wrapped them around her, then stroked her hair.
“I would give my life if it would take your pain away. I cannot even imagine what they-”
“Stop,” she begged. “I don’t want to think about it.”
He took her by the shoulders and pushed her back to sit on the bed, holding her so she couldn’t retreat to the other side. He looked into her eyes for the longest time before he finally spoke.
“I can make you forget, Kira. I can take all those memories and put them away so you never have to think about them again. You tell me it is what you want and I will do it for you.”
His words sent images of Serena and Narissa through Kira’s head and how they’d suffered at the mercy of magic that should never have been used. They’d lost not only the bad memories, but also the good ones. As much as Kira wanted to forget what had been done to her, she wanted even more to remember her recovery and the strength she had gained from getting her life back. She wanted to have all the good memories that were twisted and tangled in with the bad. How many women had been abused who would never have the option to have their memories erased? It wasn’t fair to them and it wasn’t fair to Altaria. She’d gone through everything alongside Kira. Erasing it all would be like letting Shandira and her men get away with what they’d done.
“No,” she finally said.
He looked away for a moment. “If you change your mind, will you tell me?” He found her eyes again for her answer.
She nodded.
“If I let go, will you sit here long enough for me to have my say?”
She nodded again, but when he released her, she scooted against the wall, drew her knees up and pulled the covers around her.
He sighed out of frustration-or anger, she couldn’t tell. “I made you a promise. .” He paused, obviously not happy with her current state of mind or position on the bed. He twisted around and slid closer so he sat cross legged in front of her. He put his finger under her chin and raised it so their eyes met. “I need you to look at me.”
“Okay,” she replied, her voice an even monotone.
“I made a promise to you that day near the falls and even if I have to build a wall between us, I intend to keep it. I will not take that from you.”
Kira heard his words and understood them, but what she felt inside was something totally different. “You don’t want me?”
His facial expression went from one emotion to another and back again so quickly, she couldn’t decipher them. He slid off the bed and paced between the bed and the door on the opposite wall, only stopping long enough to huff out a lung full of air and throw up his hands.
“Is that really what you think?” he finally asked.
“Yeah. You seem different here. I thought at first it was because of what Zerek did, that you were afraid of hurting me. Or maybe all my ugly scars, but now I can’t give you an heir and with Serena still alive. .” She didn’t want to say the next part. It hurt too much and it wasn’t the truth. “If you want to take me home, I’ll understand.”
He looked as if she’d shot him with one of her arrows-like she’d truly broken his heart. “Oh, Kira. You are wrong. You are so wrong.” He crossed the floor in two steps, but stopped before reaching the bed, like he feared getting too close.
“My hunger and thirst for blood is not the only desire stronger in this world. I haven’t become accustomed to it, yet. Every emotion, every appetite and craving is ten fold. It is all I can do to be in the same room with you. The scent of your hair as it catches a breeze through a window sends me almost to my knees. I tease you about gaining a resistance to your scent, but the truth is, I have no resistance. A simple touch of your hand or brush of your lips on the tip of my finger and it is all I can do to keep from. .” His body shook as he turned away. “And talking about it makes it worse.”
He sat on the bed, his back to her. “When I walked through that door tonight and saw you standing there in my shirt, I thought I was dreaming. You have no idea what you do to me. The part of me that is animal does not understand why I cannot have you now, why I must hold back.” He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “And the part of me that is a man loves you too much to let that happen.”
Kira needed to believe him now more than ever. She needed to trust his words-to know in her heart that he spoke the truth. But as much as she tried, she still felt alone and unsure of his feelings for her.
He turned to face her. “If I hold you, will you behave?” he asked with a smirk.
Kira smiled, despite the sadness in her heart. “I’ll try.” Then she moved to the other side of the bed and adjusted the covers so he could slide in next to her.
They stayed that way for most of the night-too afraid to move. When the fire had all but gone out, a small stream of sunlight crept in through the one section of window not covered with ivy. She ventured a kiss on Octavion’s exposed shoulder, but met with his rebuke. An instant later he reconsidered, allowing a moment of innocent intimacy as he pressed his lips to hers.
“Happy now?” he asked, flashing his dimples.
“I guess it will have to do,” she teased. She had to admit she felt better now that she’d slept in his arms.
He threw back the covers and stood, stretching and twisting out the kinks from sleeping in one place all night. She knew because she needed to do the same.
“Your gown should be dry now. While you dress I am going for a swim.” He stepped to the door and turned the latch, but before he opened it, he shot her a mischievous look. “The cold water will do me good.”
She giggled.
“Not funny, Kira,” he said over his shoulder as he left the cottage, closing the door behind him.
She quickly threw on her dress, but had more difficulty lacing the front than the day before. Most of her middle finger, her knuckle and part of her hand were purple and green and ached severely. Octavion was probably right about it being broken. What she wouldn’t give for her healing powers to return. Several times since Altaria returned to her body, Kira tried using the Crystor to heal or send her thoughts, but it still didn’t work. The only change she’d noticed was an occasional itch where it rubbed against her skin. Extremely frustrating, to say the least.
When Octavion returned from his swim, he took back his shirt and bandaged Kira’s hand. Then he adjusted the ribbon on the front of her dress and helped her put the combs back in her hair. His gentle hands put her at ease and solidified his words of affirmation from the night before. If what he’d said was true, he loved her. And the fact that Serena lived did nothing to change those feelings.
It was still early when he whisked her away to the castle and they saw only a few servants going about their business. Luka stood near the bottom of the staircase as they entered, a smirk planted firmly on his face.
“Well, well. Sneaking in early in the morning, eh?” he said as they passed.
Octavion grabbed the front of his cousin’s shirt and put his partially transformed face only inches from Luka’s.
