Myth-Gotten Gains

and they hastily went back to their drinks. 'There aren't a lot of Pervects on Ori, and none I've seen with your dress sense. What are you doing here?'

'Trying to help a friend,' I said. 'What about you?'

'Oh,' Tananda said, running her finger through a few drops of liquor on the tabletop, 'I've got a little job.'

'Lifting the crystal ball from a psychic isn't exactly your usual high-level handiwork,' I said.

'Visiting one isn't usually on your calendar, either,' Tanda countered, with a sweet smile. 'Let's stop talking as if we don't know one another. That wasn't an ordinary crystal ball. I have information that says it's part of the Golden Hoard, along with a sword that looks a lot like the one you carried in here. So, let's talk.'

I could tell by the look in the one eye visible over the torn scabbard that Ersatz was going to put his two cents in, so I flung up a hand to forestall him. 'Let's not start spreading any rumors we can't squelch.'

'Fine. I'll show me mine if you show me yours.' Tananda grinned lazily at me.

'Promises, promises,' I said, grinning back. 'Excuse me while I whip this out.' I slid the blade about a foot out of the sheath so both of the reflected eyes were visible. 'Tanda, this is Ersatz, just like in the legend. Ersatz, this is Tananda.'

'My pleasure, my lady,' the sword said.

'Mine, too,' Tananda replied, giving a little wave of her fingers. 'So, what's going on?'

'We need that crystal ball back that you lifted. My friend here has business with it.'

'You can't have it,' another female voice said, in a strange accent. 'It belongs to me, now.'

I looked up. A lithe figure was suddenly standing next to Tanda. Where the Trollop was curvy, this girl was aerobics-instructor wiry. Where Tanda's hair fell enticingly all over her shoulders, the newcomer had her sleek black hair plastered down against her head and bullied into a shining knot at the nape of her neck. The rest of her face was a sharp, narrow beak, over which a pair of large, dark eyes regarded me. She looked a lot like a stork, or maybe an ostrich. She was wearing a tight tunic, abbreviated to show her navel, if one had been visible through the covering of feathers on her midsection, and loose trousers that cut off just below her knees.

'Who are you?' I growled. Instead of replying, the girl lifted her prominent proboscis proudly.

'Aahz, this is Calypsa,' Tananda said. 'My new partner. This place has a translation spell operating for demons.'

'I heard what you said,' Calypsa continued, her big, dark eyes gleaming. 'That is Ersatz, the Great Sword.'

'In the steel,' I said.

'What do you want for it?'

'Not for sale, babe. He's an independent contractor. In fact, we're working together at the moment.

'But I must have it!' Her eyes flashed again. They were pretty nice eyes.

'No can do. The sword owes me money. We're together until he pays me off. You got a hundred gold pieces?' The girl's eyes fell. 'I didn't think so.'

The gaze lifted and battened onto mine. 'You must understand. I must bring together the greatest treasures of the ages. I need them all!'

A little alarm bell went off in my mind. I met Ersatz's eyes, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. The rumor was true. Someone was collecting the Hoard. So, I asked the only practical question.

'Why?'

With the same kind of silken glide Tananda had used, Calypsa poured herself into the remaining chair. The movement looked

totally different performed by the two women. Tananda seemed to be careless and sexy, but she had set herself up so she was on guard, ready to spring into action if there was trouble. Calypsa was focused, the energy of her motion aimed directly at me. If she'd been a missile I'd have been spattered all over the bar.

'It is my grandfather,' she began. 'The greatest dancer in any dimension, the great Calypso.'

'What's he need with a sword and a crystal ball?' I asked. 'I don't think there's a pair of shoes in the Golden Hoard.'

'Once such footgear tried to join us,' Ersatz began, 'but we chivvied them hence. They were not so much of utility in the courtly art as they were mundane covering for the nether extremities, which the gold did not become...'

'Shut up,' I interrupted, without taking my eyes off Calypsa. 'Your grandfather did what?'

The proud head drooped. 'I come from Walt. It is a peaceful dimension—or I should say, was.'

'Yeah, Tootsie, I've been there. Peaceful to the point of boring!'

'Maybe before,' Calypsa said. 'That was before the evil Barrik arrived!'

'When was that?'

'Ten years ago. I live in a town called Pavan, at the curve of a major river just north of our largest port. At first we made no note of the castle being built on the hillside that overlooked the river. All of our lords like to have large domiciles so that they can host parties and dances. All Walts love to dance. It is in our blood. It is the source of our magik. In fact, a major rhythm was named for our dimension. Have you ever heard of Walts' Time?'

'In passing,' I said. 'Get on with it.'

'We thought nothing of it when the castle grew to encompass the entire mountain top. It was made all of shiny black granite, which we considered an odd color choice, but we were more curious that we never saw anyone working on the building. We

believed the stones must be shifted at night by giant elves, or something. It was a puzzle. I myself sneaked up there often as a child, but always when I arrived, the elves had left the building.'

I groaned. She gave me a puzzled look, and explained. 'There was no one there. Yet the walls grew daily. At last, it was finished. We of Pavan waited to be introduced to our new neighbors, and hold a welcome dance in celebration. Weeks went by. They never emerged. No one answered our knocks at the great wooden doors. We left invitations on the step to our own humble village dances. No replies. We began to think that our neighbor was antisocial. But how antisocial we had no idea! Henchmen like huge, evil birds began to emerge from the castle. They swept down upon our humble homes and captured the finest dancers in the city. Sometimes we would find them again, wandering lost and dazed in the fields, their feet bloody. Barrik had commanded them to dance until they dropped! Their choreography had been inexorably altered. They were never able again to make the magik they had before, such as the Dance of Sowing, so the crops would be healthy, or the Dance of Precipitation to bring the rain. We were all fearful of being swooped down upon and carried off.

'At last, his minions captured my grandfather, the greatest dancer in the land. According to the other prisoners who were set free, my grandfather refused Barrik's orders. He stood, unwilling to yield a single shuffle- ball-change. Barrik threatened terrible torture, but my grandfather would not be treated like a common entertainer. At last, the great Calypso performed the Dance of Insult, fleering his defiance right in Barrik's face. Barrik was furious!'

'Well, hurray for the old boy,' I said. 'How's this involve us?'

'When Calypso did not emerge from the castle as the others had, a huge group of us went and demanded to have him set free. I stood before the doors, begging Barrik to deliver my grandfather. The next thing I knew, I was in a room

before a stone throne. The creature that sat upon it—too horrible to behold!'

I glanced at Tananda. 'By the description he's a Dile,' she said. 'Green scales, long teeth.'

'What's wrong with green scales and long teeth?' I demanded.

'Not everyone likes the overlapping shingle look, Aahz,' Tanda said, patiently. 'Now, I kind of like it, but you know what Troll men look like, so I'm not your most unbiased judge.'

'Fine,' I snarled. 'Get past chapters twelve to forty-eight already. I want the upshot, now!'

Calypsa glared right back at me. 'He told me the old man would die for the insult he had given him. I swore to do anything he wished, if only he would free my grandfather. I even promised to do the Dance of Lust for him, but he refused.' Her eyes flashed again. 'He said the only way I can regain my grandfather's life is to procure a great treasure for him. I must subdue and bring him all the members of the Golden Hoard. He has given me but thirty days to complete the task. Already ten of them have elapsed.'

I shook my head. 'Guy's a regular Wizard of Oz,' I said. The girl looked at me blankly. 'Forget it. Before