“You’re doing fine. I think I know what you’re trying to say.” She gave a rueful laugh. “Well, you’re a step ahead of me.”
“Let me give it a shot-you came to work for me, a man who shares your sexual preferences, and you thought you’d won the lottery. But you didn’t expect our fun to develop into real feelings. And that scares the shit out of you.”
“You’re a mind reader.”
“No, I just feel the same way.”
“You-you have feelings for me? Real ones?” She sounded vulnerable, unsure.
“How could I not? You’re smart, beautiful. You blow my mind in bed. But more than that, you’ve been a rock for me. In the short time we’ve known each other, you’ve gotten under my skin like no one else has.” Pausing, he pulled her to face him before going on.
“Do you remember the first time we made love?”
“Yes. How could I forget?”
“You’ll never know how much that meant to me. I want to spoil
“Oh, Jude.” Her voice shook with emotion. “I want that, too.”
“But there’s something you need to know up front.” He took a deep breath. “About my nightmares. More and more, I’m convinced they’re memories and if they are… I might be… an evil man. Or at least might have done horrible things. You can walk away now and never have to find out.”
“No. You’re not evil,” she said, brooking no argument. “I’m absolutely positive you’re one of the finest men I know. Period.”
“You can’t know-”
“I do.” She sounded a bit on edge now.
“How?”
“Tell me something.” She paused. “How do you feel in these dreams, when you’re committing these supposedly evil acts?”
“Mostly? Cold. Locked down inside.”
“Justified?”
“I… yes,” he said slowly. “I think so.”
“Anything else?”
“No-wait, yes. Tired. Ready to throw in the towel.” How strange.
“As though the time has come to quit,” she said, sounding certain. “You’re burned-out.”
A chill crept down his spine. “How do you know this?”
“Have you considered that you may have had a second job? Something covert? In that case, you aren’t a monster at all, but a victim of something bigger than yourself.”
“That’s pretty far-fetched.” But even as he protested, he wasn’t so sure.
“Just think about it, all right? And focus on recalling what details you can.”
“I-sure. I can do that.”
“Good, handsome. Kiss me.”
“Gladly.”
Why did it seem like she wanted to distract him? Of course, there were worse ways to end the disturbing conversation. Cupping her head, he claimed her mouth, lips moving against hers, gentle. Then he delved deeper, sliding his tongue inside to taste the beer and lime, salty sweet, and more intoxicating than all the liquor in Los Cabos.
When they parted, she took his arm. “Come on, let’s catch up with Liam. I want to watch him go nuts over topless volleyball.”
He accepted the change of subject without comment, for now. Such a serious issue couldn’t be avoided forever.
“People leaping around half-naked? Christ, what a sport. This part of being blind sucks, big-time,” he complained.
“I’ll give you a play-by-play.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“And a live reenactment, later.”
“Now you’re talking!”
As she led him toward the mad revelry, Jude thought maybe he could luck out. Have everything a man could want or need.
Love. Companionship. Contentment.
Awesome sex.
If only Lily was right, and he wasn’t the monster he feared.
Lily had to tell him the truth. Despite Michael urging her to take it slow with him.
Not once had she considered it a real option before now. She’d been too focused on the case itself, not the man. Once the mind sweep failed, and it would very soon, he’d remember his job at SHADO. He’d recognize her name as that of a fellow spy.
And he’d know that, best- case scenario, she’d come here to deceive him. At worst, he might believe
Eventually, he’d realize she was sent to kill him.
He’d never forgive her, and the knowledge slammed her hard. Made her want to spill the whole story and throw herself on his mercy. But she’d lose him anyway.
She’d come so close just now to telling him that he was an agent. That the nightmares weren’t crazy ramblings. Then he’d demand to know how she knew, what the hell was going on, and the rest would unravel.
She wasn’t ready. Selfishly, she wanted to cling to him as long as possible, to pretend for these next few days that he was hers. That he wouldn’t order her to leave when he learned what she’d done.
Pushing away the melancholy, she glanced toward the volleyball game and smiled in spite of herself. Liam was right in the thick of it, laughing, soaking up the attention from the ladies. He moved a bit stiffly from the sore, bruised muscles on his back, but he looked good.
“He’s having a great time,” Lily remarked. “He’s got more energy than anyone I’ve ever met. Even when he’s still healing.”
“I hope this trip is good for him. And that Dev has come to his senses by the time we go home.”
Home.
Some things just weren’t in the cards, no matter how badly one might want them. Or how hard one fought.
Lily settled them into beach chairs under an umbrella and tried to forget about secrets. Lies.
And how they’d soon destroy a life she hadn’t known she wanted until she met Jude.
Thirteen
Jude relaxed in a lounger on the resort’s patio area, soaking in the revelry around him. Not wild and crazy, but lively, friendly. The folks they’d met today had been nice, some curious about Jude’s blindness.
To the few who dared to ask outright, he gave them the simple explanation of being in a car accident. Most left it alone, but two or three had commented about the heightened- sensuality angle, and the true anonymity of the partners he’d enjoy at a resort like this one. Though he’d give anything to have his sight back, he had to give them that point.
Especially now, with certain murmurs and moans of pleasure drifting to his out- of-the-way spot on the fringe of the activity. With the setting of the sun and the arrival of evening, inhibitions loosened and vanished.
Whispers of “Lick her there” and “Stretch him wide” washed over him like a low electric hum, heating his blood, thickening his cock. Where in blazing hell were his own companions? The debauchery around him began to get to him and he spread his legs some, adjusting his growing dick in his swim trunks.
