Liam’s defiance deflated. “Oh. Thanks, I appreciate it.”
“No problem.” Frowning, he glanced around. “Carter, you and two others stay back and clean up this mess. I’ll send transport back for you when you’re finished.”
“Yes, sir!”
“Let’s get the hell out of here.”
Lily didn’t have to be told twice and neither did Liam. They followed Michael and the rest of his men to the waiting copter and climbed in. By the time they did, the medical chopper was a speck on the horizon.
When they climbed into the air, Lily let go of the terror and grief she’d been holding inside for hours. Just lost it, without a care for the silent men witnessing an agent’s meltdown.
Comforting arms slid around her.
“He’ll be okay,” Liam whispered. “He has to.”
She prayed he was right.
And that their luck would hold out. Just one more time.
He’d thought he’d known hell.
He’d been wrong.
His floating consciousness registered nothing but unrelenting agony. He was formless, nothing but a mass of blackness, registering words and phrases. Disembodied voices, strangers.
Hemorrhaging. Morphine. Increase. Losing him.
Some voices were familiar.
Come back.
Love you.
Promise.
The pain was too much. He tried to let go, but whatever cord bound him to this place refused to be severed.
So he relished the return of oblivion when he could, hoping each time he slipped away that it was the last.
He came closer to the surface, became aware of a hand holding his. Fingers stroking.
“Get well, please,” Lily. said “Liam is driving everyone insane-he’s so afraid for you. Come back, Jude. Don’t make me keep my promise.”
Promise? Oh. He remembered.
Did he want her to keep it? All he had to do was find the strength to utter the words, and she’d honor his wishes.
And now he found he didn’t want to leave. Did he feel stronger? Some, yes.
But, God, he was tired. He ached.
Not as bad as before, though. He could do this.
He wanted to tell her to have faith, to wait for him, but sleep claimed him once more.
Eight days. Excruciating days watching Jude hover near death, and waiting for her world to end. Watching sweet Liam lose his mind, shadows in his eyes. Despair.
And then, this morning, Jude had awakened briefly. Before going under again, he’d whispered, “Want to live.”
More wonderful words had never been spoken. She and Liam had rejoiced, told Michael, the doctors and nurses, his fellow agents. Everyone who’d listen. A new flurry of activity ensued and a campaign began to get him back on his feet. Everyone came to visit, talking to him endlessly, trying to spark something in him. Blaze Kelly came, recovered from the gunshot wound he’d sustained when he’d been ambushed by Dietz. Michael told him about finally cracking the file, and how he was making Dietz wait in anticipation of his punishment.
Jude was in and out of consciousness, but he seemed buoyed by this news and their visits. He didn’t talk much, and some of it didn’t make a lot of sense, but it was beautiful music all the same.
While Lily was overjoyed to see him making progress, the one dark spot on her happiness was her role in all of this. No matter what he said, the guilt was suffocating.
Liam had yet to say he forgave her. He didn’t speak to her about anything except Jude, and he hadn’t touched her since they’d arrived at the compound.
When after two weeks the doctors said Jude was out of the woods, Lily packed her meager belongings and went to Michael’s office.
When she walked in, he knew.
He shook his head, spreading his hands on his desk. “Don’t leave. Not now. Stick this out and see how he feels.”
“I can’t, Michael,” she said, dying inside. “It’s killing me, knowing what I’ve done. If I’d questioned Dietz sooner, none of this would’ve happened.”
“You did question him,” Michael insisted. “You phoned my estate several times trying to speak with me about your assignment, and I was so wrapped up in my grief over Maggie’s death that I put you off. I assumed my top man would take care of things, and boy, did he. If I had listened to you, none of this would’ve happened. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“I hear you. I do. But I have to go, sort some things out in my head. I hope you understand.”
“I understand, but I’d hoped you would do your sorting here.” He sat back in his chair. “All I ask is that you don’t resign without talking to me face-to-face.”
“Deal. But I’ll tell you now, my days as an assassin are over,” she said firmly. “My stomach is gone for that type of work.”
“You and I agree, then. I never would have put you back into that situation, not now. Think it over, give it some time. When you decide what you’d like to do at SHADO, let me know. Or if you want to move on to something else, I’ll be glad to put in a good word for you-off the record, of course.”
That earned a small smile. Michael had to keep a low profile and keep SHADO under the radar, always. “I will.”
“Give me your contact info when you get settled. I won’t be happy if I have to go to the trouble of finding you. And I would find you anyway, so save me the effort.”
“I’ll call you.” Reaching out, she offered her hand and it was immediately swallowed in the big man’s grip. “Thanks, for everything.”
“Just come back, Lily. That’s all I ask.”
“You don’t ask much.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners. “Never.”
Turning, she left his office, went to her room, and shouldered her bag, not even knowing where she was headed.
She didn’t find Liam and say good-bye. She couldn’t look into those gray eyes and see sadness, or, worse, relief to see her gone. So she took the coward’s way out.
Lily walked out and didn’t look back.
Jude paced his room in the compound, going out of his frigging mind. He was pissed. And hurt.
One month. A goddamned month of counterdrugs, vitamins, muscle therapy, a careful diet. No sex.
And no Lily.
He was fucking sick of these four walls and if McKay didn’t release him pronto, he’d walk.
