myself and have witnessed so many other pastors’ wives being treated so terribly, I feel I have an obligation to tell you everything I know.”
“I really appreciate your honesty,” Alicia said, knowing that whatever Tamara was about to say wasn’t going to be good. She knew it without question.
“I’ll just start by saying that while I don’t know a thing in terms of whether JT had something to do with his first wife’s accident, what I do know is that he’s always been known to mess around with lots of women. I won’t say that I have any specific proof, but if you ask any of the pastors’ wives on the South Side and even some in other areas of Chicago, they’ll tell you the same thing.”
Alicia was heartbroken. Her father had basically tried telling her the same thing, but she hadn’t wanted to believe him. Not because she thought her father would lie for no reason, but because she really believed JT was in love with her. She believed that his feelings for her were very real and that he would never be unfaithful to her.
Now, though, she couldn’t help thinking a little differently. She couldn’t simply dismiss what Tamara was saying to her, because Tamara didn’t seem like the kind of woman who would intentionally try to deceive her. Tamara was warm and seemed like the kind of person who cared about everyone, and Alicia’s gut told her that Tamara honestly did mean well. Alicia had only met her a short while ago, but there was something very sincere about her demeanor. Something very genuine.
“I just don’t know what to say.”
“I know. Hearing something like this about the man you love is very painful, and I’m sure even more so because you just got married to him.”
“Maybe he’s not like that anymore.”
“Maybe. And I actually pray he’s not. But at the same time, you need to keep on top of things. You need to know that your husband has a pretty tainted reputation and that this probably won’t be the last time you hear someone talking about it. You won’t hear it as much at your own church because most people who are loyal members of any church are not going to say bad things about their pastor. But when you attend events such as this, people can be very cruel.”
“This is just horrible,” Alicia said, refusing to shed any tears.
“I know. Believe me, I know,” she said as if she literally did understand, maybe from personal experience. “But when you’re talking about some of the pastors around here, it’s more common than not.”
Alicia didn’t respond, so Tamara continued. “The luncheon should be starting in a few minutes, so let’s head back down the hallway.”
Alicia did what Tamara suggested, but they walked in silence. As they got closer to the entrance of the room, however, she saw JT chatting with a group of ministers and winking at her. She smiled dryly and kept going.
She proceeded inside and over to their table and pretended she couldn’t have been happier.
She pretended as hard as she could, even though she was completely beside herself.
Chapter 20
They hadn’t been home more than ten minutes, and already JT was removing his suit and preparing to head back out again. According to him, he needed to go visit some church member whom he had supposedly known for years, which was fine, but what Alicia couldn’t understand was why she couldn’t go with him.
“Baby, I already explained this to you before we left for the luncheon.”
“I realize that, JT, but all you said was that you had to go visit one of your charter members in the hospital, and you never said anything about my not being able to go with you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t clarify that, and normally it wouldn’t be a problem for you to come, but this particular member asked if I’d come alone because he wants to confide a few things to me. He wants to confess some very serious sins he committed in the past and then go about asking God to forgive him.”
“So, he can’t do that on his own? He can’t do that without you helping him in person?”
JT pulled on a dressy-casual, navy blue round-neck shirt. “I guess not, because when he called me, he sounded pretty bothered about whatever it is he’s done. He also said he wanted me to advise him on how he should begin making amends to the people he’s hurt in the process.”
Alicia didn’t like the sound of this and said, “So, what’s his name?”
JT sighed. “Baby, I just can’t tell you that. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“Why? Because it’s not like I would ever repeat his name or his situation to anyone. Plus, I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t keep any secrets from each other.”
“We did, and when it comes to our personal business or the church business, I don’t have any, and I will always be up-front with you about everything. But as far as our members go, it just wouldn’t be right to betray their trust. Not when they’ve specifically asked me not to disclose their names or what they’re experiencing.”
Alicia sat on the chaise, watching her husband step into a pair of pants, and thought about her father and all the times he’d told her mother he needed to visit the sick or bereaved. He’d told her these lies on a pretty regular basis, sometimes more than once a week, and Alicia couldn’t help making the comparison between those lies and the one she had a feeling JT was telling. She didn’t want to believe he was literally standing there lying straight to her face, but after hearing all those dreadful things earlier from those women at the luncheon, it was hard not to. It would be difficult believing anything JT said from this day on. Alicia did love him and until this morning couldn’t have been happier with her marriage, but she wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t like some of the first ladies she’d known and heard about, the kind who were willing to take whatever their husbands dished out. No, she was just the opposite and had always sworn she would never tolerate infidelity from any man she was married to-especially if that man was a pastor-because with these particular men, it was never just one random mistake. It never happened with just one woman, and the philandering seemed to go on indefinitely. She’d thought the same thing about her father, and while he had changed for the better and had been faithful to Charlotte for two years now, who was to say he would actually remain that way? She prayed for his sake and for her stepmother’s that he would, but she knew there were no guarantees-she also knew, too, that since JT had already admitted to messing around on Michelle, he might be just as questionable.
JT worked his left foot into an Italian leather slip-on, put on the other, and walked over to where Alicia was sitting. She gazed at him, and then he leaned down and kissed her on the lips. “I know you’re not happy about not being able to go, but, baby, please try to understand.”
She ignored his last statement and asked, “When will you be back?”
“As soon as I can, but it might take a few hours because I don’t want this man to feel that I’m rushing him to get everything off his chest just so I can get back to my daily life. He wants me to be there for him, and as his pastor it’s my responsibility to help him get things right with God. It’s my job to help him work toward getting his soul saved.”
Alicia didn’t bother responding but had a mind to tell him everything that that awful woman had told her this afternoon. She wanted to tell him, too, how Tamara, the first lady she’d been sitting next to, had even confirmed his womanizing history. She especially wanted to tell him that, once again, someone had insinuated he was a murderer. However, she decided that maybe this wasn’t a good idea. She wasn’t sure why exactly, but something told her it was better to keep all the information she had to herself-better to wait and see how all this eventually played out.
It was better to keep a closer eye on JT, the way Tamara had suggested.
When Alicia finished speaking to Melanie and then to her mom, she went into her office and sat down at her computer. This morning, before she’d begun getting ready for the luncheon, she’d signed in to her e-mail account and had been shocked by one of the messages she’d opened and read multiple times. She’d even felt guilty about the content of it and also about the warm feeling it had given her, but at the moment, she didn’t feel an ounce of remorse. She didn’t feel bad about it at all, and she knew it was because she now had valid doubts and reservations about her husband.
Alicia read the e-mail again.
Hi sweetheart. It’s me. I debated whether I should contact you since Darrell said you didn’t want to see me but I couldn’t help it. Alicia regardless of who you’re with now I still think about you daily. After all this time you’re still the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and you’re the only person I fantasize about before going to sleep at night. You are absolutely my everything. Yes I know you’re married and that the last thing you need is to have someone trying to cause problems for it but the love that I have for you hasn’t changed. If anything it’s grown stronger and so much deeper and I really need to talk to you. We don’t have e-mail access through the correctional facility but one of the sta? members who looks out for me was cool enough to let me use his personal account. But I do have to say I definitely don’t have any typing skills so it took me way too long to type this. I also didn’t dare try guessing where I should add commas! I’ve always been a great speller but terrible with that other English stu?, so will you call me between four and five this afternoon at the number below? Please if you don’t mind do me this one favor. Because I really need to talk to you. I really need to hear your beautiful voice and tell you how different things are going to be for me when I’m out of here. Okay? I love you sweetheart and can’t wait to hear from you. Levi.
When Alicia finished the last word, she read the e-mail one more time but still hesitated responding. Not because she didn’t want to, but because she knew that once she did, there would be no turning back. She also didn’t trust the excitement and nervousness that was overtaking her body. She didn’t like how thrilled she was to be connecting with Levi.
So, she waited. She stalled for a few seconds, trying to forget about her ex-lover, and then finally browsed some of her favorite department store websites. Strangely enough, however, she wasn’t interested in anything she saw. She still loved shopping, but what she’d been noticing more and more, specifically ever since marrying JT, was that shopping was no longer the most important thing in her life-maybe because she could do it whenever she wanted to. She still loved nice things, expensive ones for that matter, but she was finally starting to realize that there was so much more to life. There were so many other things to worry about. There were so many people to worry about-namely, two-timing husbands and the women who slept with them.
Alicia browsed the Internet for another fifteen minutes, voluntarily yielding to temptation, and dialed the number Levi had given her. The phone rang three times before someone answered.
“Hello?” a deep voice said.
“Uh, hi. Is Levi available?” she said, thinking how weird it sounded asking for a prison inmate no differently than she would a free man.
“Sure, he’s right here.”
Alicia heard Levi thanking the owner of the phone and then heard a door shut. A second later, he was greeting her.
“Hi, beautiful. How are you?”
His voice gave her the same kind of comfort as it had in the past, and she felt like melting. For a moment, she wished Levi could be any normal everyday guy and not a convicted felon. She wished he’d never even thought to begin selling drugs.
