The Hidden

and thread the string out under the bottom, so I could sit inside. Somehow it made me feel less silly if I didn’t have to face him as I spoke into an empty cranberry can.

I leaned my head back against the wall. “Testing, testing,” I whispered. “One, two, three.”

There was no reply, but I hadn’t been expecting one. I guess mostly what I’d been expecting was the chance for someone to listen.

“I don’t know if this is going to work,” I said, putting the open end of the tin can up to my mouth. “This is a game that I played once in third grade. The strings are pulled tight so you can hear sound and words across it. Like a telephone wire.”

The stuffed bear sitting next to me stared up with one glassy eye. I pulled him into my lap and stroked his dark, smooth fur.

“I’m really scared,” I whispered, hoping that somehow Caspian could hear me, wherever he was. “What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not strong enough? What if I tell the Revenants that I … I don’t want to die? What if I beg for a second chance?”

Tears burned behind my lashes, but I refused to let them fall. “Oh, Caspian. That’s what I’m afraid of most of all. What if I’m not strong enough to be with you?” I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can become nothing. If I can become just a shadow of life. And what if you think I don’t love you enough to want to be with you?”

I hugged the bear tightly against my chest.

“I have all of these thoughts always going around and around in my head. I want to be with you. I want that more than anything. So how can there still be a part of me that doesn’t? How can there still be a part of me that wants to cling on? That wants things … other things. Like my shop.”

I closed my eyes and fell silent for a minute. It felt like I was betraying him somehow. By confessing all of this, I was exposing all of my inner secrets and fear. It was embarrassing. And overwhelming.

“I still want you, though,” I said. “But why do I have to choose? Everything I want, it comes with a price. I should be happy that I get to be with you. And yet I want …”

I put the tin can down. Pulled it away from my lips. I couldn’t tell him what I really wanted; him alive, and Kristen alive, and Vincent Drake out of the picture and no more Revenants hanging around.

Lifting the can back up for my farewell, I whispered, “All I want is for you to know that I love you. And I hope I’m strong enough for you.” And I wish you could hear these words …

Caspian finally woke up two days later, on Friday, the day of the Hollow Ball, and I was sick with worry about him the whole time he was asleep. Cacey had eventually called me back, but I hadn’t answered the phone, and she didn’t leave a message. He couldn’t remember how much time he’d lost, and that scared me. We didn’t really talk about it, though. What else was there to say?

On the way to school that morning, I took a quick side detour through the cemetery, and Caspian went with me. Kristen’s grave was only a foot away, but I felt apprehension fill me as I drew closer. Tonight was a big night. Slowly I stepped up to the tomb-stone.

“Hey, Kris.” I brushed away some dead leaves scattered on top. “Tonight’s the Hollow Ball.” It was chilly outside and I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “I’m going with Ben. I hope that … I hope that’s okay.”

A weird, prickly feeling ran down the back of my scalp, and I glanced over. Standing across from me, on the far side of the cemetery, was an older man in a white suit, staring at me.

I squinted, and stared back, positive that I’d seen him somewhere before. He looked so familiar.

But the memory wouldn’t come to me.

“I have to get to school,” I whispered to Kristen. “I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be thinking about you. I miss you. And I love you.”

I laid my hand on the top of the stone, but when I looked up again, the man was gone.

Chapter Twenty. THE HOLLOW BALL

It was toward evening that Ichabod arrived at the castle of Heer Van Tassel, which he found thronged with the pride and flower of the adjacent country.

– “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”

I made last-minute plans with Beth and Ben for the Hollow Ball right after the bell rang for last period. “Are we doing the limo at seven or seven thirty tonight?” Ben asked. “I have to let the driver know.”

“Seven thirty,” I answered. Beth nodded her agreement.

“Your dress is red, right?” Ben said.

“How did you-”

“I told him,” Beth said. “Yeah, it’s red,” she confirmed.

“I’ll stick with a red bow tie, then, and I’ll be there around seven thirty to pick you up. I’ll be wearing my sexay suit.” Ben wiggled his eyebrows at us before turning to walk away.

Beth laughed, and I rolled my eyes at him. But I couldn’t help a small smile either.

“Are you going to the salon with me?” Beth asked as soon as he was gone. “My aunt works there and she does hair and makeup. I can totally get her to squeeze you in.”

“Yeah, sure, I guess.” Hair, makeup, the dress … it all seemed like such a process to go through.

Beth squealed. “Awesome! Drop your books off, then, and let’s go, girl! Time is wasting, and we have to get beautiful.”

Caspian was nowhere to be found as I made my way to my locker, so I sent him a quick Gng 2 do hair w/ Beth text.

A few seconds later his text came through. Ok, have a great time.

I turned to Beth with a forced smile. This is fun, I told myself as we headed outdoors. Just go and have fun with your friend.

I tried to keep my thoughts, and my expression, happy as we drove to the salon. But even with nonstop laughter from all the other senior girls around us getting ready too, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that this was it. This was the last chance I was going to have to spend time with Beth and Ben. The Revs wouldn’t have been sticking around all this time if it wasn’t going to be soon. If the day I was supposed to die wasn’t almost here.

As false eyelashes were applied to my eyelids, and my nails were buffed, trimmed, and painted, it became harder and harder to keep the smile on my face.

“Hair up, or down?” Beth’s aunt, Lucinda, asked.

I didn’t answer quickly enough, and Beth poked my arm.

“What do you think?” I asked her.

“If you want sexy, I’d suggest up.” Her smile turned mischievous. “And if the date goes really well, you can always let it down later.”

“What about half up, half down?” I said. I didn’t really want sexy for Ben. That just felt … weird. “Could we pull the one side back and maybe put a flower in?”

“Oooh, a red rose. Yes, that’s it,” Lucinda said. “With your coloring it will be beautiful.”

Beth was in the next chair over, getting her dark hair piled high and talking to Lucinda’s right-hand man about Grant. “Nice,” she said, pausing to eye me up as Lucinda got to work. “Good choice.”

“Thanks.” I smiled back at her.

When we were finally finished, Beth dropped me off at home. Caspian was upstairs, sitting in my desk chair. He was reading a book, so I entered my room quietly so I wouldn’t disturb him.

“Hey, Astrid,” he said.