beers. It was during one of these evening drinking sessions that Dave told me that Nong had been asking him to buy her a car. I was surprised because Nong had been really good about not asking Dave for money. In fact the only time he’d mentioned giving her money was when she’d asked him for 5,000 baht for collagen injections to puff up her lips, which was sort of for his benefit, I guess. A car was a big investment, and Dave was having second thoughts. I sensed the hand of Sen and felt sure that she was putting Nong up to it.
Dave said that he was happy enough to spend money on Nong, but he’d rather set her up in a business. Nong had said that a decent secondhand car would cost about 100,000 baht. In fact, Sen was offering to sell Nong her own car. Sen was planning to upgrade to a newer model and rather than trading it in she wanted to sell it to Nong. Dave reckoned that he could rent her a nice shop in Marboon Krong and stock it. He decided to have a long talk with Nong and suggest that she let him set her up in business so that she would be more independent. A business would be an asset that would hopefully grow in value, but a car would be worth less every year.
At the time, Dave was sleeping on the couch in my living room. He was only in Thailand a few days each month so there was no point in him renting a place of his own. If he wanted to sleep with Nong he’d book into a hotel. Not that I was a prude, it’s just that the sofa wasn’t big enough for two and I wasn’t prepared to give him my bed for sex. Anyway, Nong came around to my place to talk things through with Dave. She said that she’d talked it through with Sen, and decided that buying the car was the best option. Nong would learn to drive then she’d be able to drive herself to university, and she and Dave could use it for sight-seeing when ever he was in town. The car was a five-year-old Honda Civic and Dave had already asked around a few dealers and been told that the going rate was between 150,000 baht and 180,000 baht, so it seemed that Sen was giving them a good deal.
Dave figured that if the worst came to the worst he’d be able to get his money back, plus maybe a small profit, so he let Nong talk him into it. They went to the bank together and Dave withdrew the money from his account and gave it to her. He didn’t ask for my advice so I didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t help but think that he was being a bit rash. I’ve come across countless horror stories where gullible farangs have bought cars, houses, land and even businesses from the relatives of their Thai girlfriends or wives, only to have it all end in tears. Not that Dave was gullible, he wasn’t, but he wasn’t married to Nong and he only saw her for a few days each month. And why did a student need a car? I didn’t even own one, if I needed wheels I hired a car. Anyway, he didn’t ask for my opinion, so I didn’t give it.
Everything went fine for a while. Nong learned to drive, and she would pick Dave up at the airport whenever he arrived in Thailand. The flat I rented came with its own parking space so when Dave was in town he left it there, and when he was away, Nong used it.
After a few months Dave was sent to the UK on an assignment. While he was away, I went out on the town at one of our old stamping grounds, the RCA, which was where young upper-class wealthy Thais would hang out of an evening. I knew most of the Thai doormen, and on my way into one of the bigger discos one of the doormen pulled me to one side and said that he wanted a word with me. He told me that he’d seen Nong in the disco with several young Thai guys. I wasn’t surprised. Nong liked to go out and have a good time, and with Dave away and her driving around in a decent car, Thai boys would be around her like flies around shit. I phoned Dave and told him the bad news. He was philosophical. He said he’d noticed that she was becoming a bit evasive of late and that she’d started switching her phone off late at night. Dave felt that the love affair had just about run its course and was planning to call it quits anyway.
The following week he stopped off in Bangkok en route to Hong Kong. He booked into a hotel so that he could spend some time alone with Nong. Actually, I figured he just wanted a few last shags before calling time on the affair. Anyway, once the sex was out of the way, he got down to some straight talking with the lovely Nong. He told her that he knew about her nocturnal activities at the RCA. She just shrugged and she was there with friends. He knew she was lying, and got the impression that she didn’t care whether he knew or not. What really ticked Dave off was the fact that she had been pretty much the perfect girlfriend right up until he’d paid 100,000 baht for the car.
Dave told her that it was best they just go their separate ways. Nong shrugged. Dave said he’d arrange to sell he car and he’d split the money with her, fifty-ffty. Nong shrugged, then left.
Dave called her the next day, but Nong didn’t answer the phone. He phoned the sister’s house, but no one answered. That really annoyed him. He had to go to Hong Kong so he left a spare set of keys for the Honda with me and asked if I’d take care of the car until he got back. I had a couple of jobs lined up where a car would be useful, so I took a motorcycle out to Sen’s house. There was no one at home but the car was in the driveway so I drove it back to the city. I decided not to park it in my space just in case Nong started to get possessive over the car, so instead I left it in the car park of a nearby hotel.
I was watching TV a few hours later when the doorbell rang. I checked the peephole before opening the door. It was Nong. I told her the Dave wasn’t staying with me but she kept ringing the bell. I opened the door to give her a piece of my mind but as soon as I did three heavy set Thais in cheap suits charged into the room, followed by Nong’s older sister. I made a run for the kitchen, thinking that I was about to get a kicking. My plan was to grab a bread knife and start flailing it around, but one of the men pulled out a badge and started screaming that he was a policeman. I calmed down a bit and looked at the badge. It looked real enough.
Sen began screaming that I was the farang who’d stolen her car, and it all fell into place. Nong didn’t say anything, she just stared at the floor. One of the detectives grabbed my left arm. I started talking to the senior office in Thai and asked him if I could talk to him one on one, that I was sure there had been a mistake and that we could easily sort it out. The officer agreed and his two men ushered Sen and Nong out into the corridor.
I offered him a drink and we both sat down with tumblers of Johnnie Walker Black Label and Coke. The detective explained that Sen had returned home to find the Honda Civic had gone and that a neighbour told her that a farang had driven it away. Sen had gone straight around to her local police station and they had asked the police in my area to make enquiries.
I hit the roof. I told him that it wasn’t Sen’s car any more, that my friend Dave had paid 100,000 baht for it. I explained that Dave had given me the key and that Dave was planning to sell the car when he got back and give half the money to Nong. I was just an innocent party, and I resented the fact that Sen was laying the blame at my door.
The detective shrugged, finished his whisky, and then went outside to speak to Nong. He came back after a few minutes and said that there seemed to be a difference of opinion over who actually owned the car, and that the police would have to sort it out. He seemed like an okay guy so I asked him if we could both go to the police station where the complaint had been lodged and explain the situation to them. I’d feel happier if he was with me. For all I knew, Sen might well be tight with the cops there.
The detective agreed and he drove me in his pick-up truck while Sen and Nong followed in a police car. We reached the station just before midnight and we were all ushered into the duty captain’s office. The captain was overweight with short, close-cropped grey hair and a jagged scar across his left cheek as if someone had stabbed him with a broken bottle years ago. He grinned when he saw me and I saw the flash of a gold tooth at the back of his mouth. I could almost see the dollar signs in his eyes as he tried to work out how much money he could extort from me.
As soon as Sen walked into his office she started mouthing off again, that I’d stolen her car and lied to her sister, that I’d told Nong’s boyfriend that she was sleeping around, that I was a liar and a thief and that I should be sent to prison.
I turned to my new-found detective friend for support but as soon as he started to speak the captain jabbed a finger at him and told him that he was out of his jurisdiction and that he might as well go straight back to Bangkok. My detective hurried out, clearly embarrassed. Sen launched into another verbal attack, pacing around the room as she accused me of stealing her car, lying to her sister, having bad body odour, and everything else she could think of. When she finally ran out of steam, the captain picked up a toothpick and began jiggling it between his front teeth as he waved at me to speak.
I spoke slowly and clearly, in my very best Thai, with lots of smiles and nods. My fate was totally in the captain’s hands. If he decided there was no case to answer, I’d be tucked up in my bed within hours. If he decided I was guilty or didn’t like the look of me I’d be in a prison cell for up to a year waiting for my case to come to court. I explained that the car belonged to my friend Dave, that he had paid 100,000 baht for the car, and that I had the keys. I took them from my pocket and waved them over the captain’s desk. If Sen wanted to give back the 100,000 baht, she could have the car.
The captain grimaced, tossed the chewed toothpick into an ashtray, and told us both to make written
