and not stole.’ He picked up another typed form and slid it across the desk towards me. ‘This is a release form. You will sign it. It says that you have been well and fairly treated here, it says that we have not asked you for any money. And it says that you will not bother Khun Nong any more.’ He handed me a ballpoint pen. ‘If you give me any problem in the future, I will cross out “borrow” and write in “steal”. Do you understand?’
I nodded. Yeah, I understood. I had paid him a 40,000-baht bribe and was now signing a piece of paper that said I hadn’t bribed him. I signed. The papers were taken away to be counter-signed, photocopied, stamped and filed. I was even given a copy of both papers, and the captain slipped me an envelope containing my ATM card then the captain told that I was free to go.
I stumbled down the stairs in a daze. It was just after midnight. I felt like the guy in Midnight Express, staggering out of prison, not believing that I was actually free. I kept thinking that at any minute the cops would come running after me to slap the manacles on me again. I was hungry, I was thirsty, and I stank to high heaven. I needed a bath, I needed a steak and I needed my bed. And a woman would be nice. But first of all I needed a taxi, because I wanted to put as much distance between myself and the police station as possible.
I saw a blue and red cab with its light on and I flagged it down, jumped into the back and barked out my address before he could complain about the smell. Thailand was never the same for me after that weekend. It had been sullied. Spoilt. And I had seen for myself how easy it was for things to go horribly wrong in the Land of Smiles.
AFTERWORD
They say there’s a book in all of us, be it fact or fiction, and in my case, working as a private eye in Bangkok, I had many clients telling me I should one day publish my memoirs. This might never have happened. However, thanks to a chance meeting with Stephen Leather, an idea became reality, and rough scribbles in tatty notebooks, together with random recollections, were, through Stephen’s mastery, woven into what I trust was the entertaining book you have just read.
Everything in this book is based on fact. Some cases were a little too sensitive to include and of course many were repetitious. Over the years, the success of my business grew largely by word of mouth, and this was due to the fact I became involved personally-most clients treated me as a confident, a friend, perhaps even a psychiatrist! I would take their calls day or night; they were several continents away waiting on the results of my investigations to shape their future life plans.
In order to protect all parties, the names, nationalities, and in some cases locations, have been changed but the stories are basically as they happened.
Reading through the book, you may feel that Thailand, and the local women in particular, are something to be wary of. That is certainly not the case. I have been fortunate to have travelled extensively, especially throughout Asia, and in my opinion there is not a country in the world where the people are friendlier, where the women are more graceful.
If you are going to become involved with Thailand, especially with Thai women, I would strongly suggest that you take time to learn something of the people, the culture and the language. Thais will greatly appreciate any effort you make to understand their country and their culture. You must take into account a different way of thinking, a different upbringing, a country where it is common for females from the large, poorer section, not be able to go to secondary school, and where by and large, pensions, unemployment benefits, childcare payments to single parents, or even fifty-fifty asset splits in divorce cases, do not exist.
I have seen Thai girls accept large sums of money without a second thought from foreigners they have recently met, displaying very little gratitude or showing no remorse when they don’t honour their end of things. And a few weeks later, when the money has gone and they are destitute, these same girls are genuinely grateful that I would give them twenty baht for food. Many girls working in bars are depicted as cold and calculating, yet these same girls would dote on my young daughter if they saw her out with me, and would rush off to buy her some fruit or a toy.
In my own case, my wife is Thai, and much younger than I am, plus she is from a poor family and although bright, had a limited education, yet, perhaps against the odds, I have to say I could not ask for a better wife or a more devoted mother. It has not been easy for us, but we both realized that as a family we would be better off living in New Zealand and we made the decision to leave Thailand. I am now completing a Masters in Strategic Studies, instead of sitting in bars, chatting to lovely ladies and getting paid to drink Jack Daniels! My wife cares for our daughter, and braves the bitter local elements in search of Asian supermarkets, instead of sitting in our Bangkok apartment eating somtam and playing cards with her friends. But we are together, and our daughter Natalie, the love of our life, is growing up healthy and wise, and fortunately appears to have inherited some of her fathers brains, and all of her mothers good looks!
So, relationships with Thai women can work but it does not come easy, you have to work on it, and don’t alienate them from their families, their culture or beliefs. Perhaps as you read this book, apart from outlining some of the many pitfalls one can encounter, you may come to get a little more understanding of things Thai, perhaps your eyes will be opened a little more, and should you develop a relationship with a Thai at some stage, there maybe some things here that help you make the right choice, or help smooth the way. It is my hope this book does accomplish that, just as much as it entertains.
My thanks go out to those many, many people who contacted me over the years as a Thai private eye; I can honestly say I always tried to do my best for you-I just hope that in most cases it was enough. If some of you recognize cases, and feel you have been poorly portrayed, my apologies, as those who know me can testify, I always tend to say things as they are-or at least as I see them.
To the many good friends I made during my years in Thailand, to all those who were happy to help, assist or recommend a struggling PI my heartfelt thanks and best wishes for your respective futures in the Kingdom.
Thanks also to those good friends over the years, the likes of PK, Cookie, Bruty, the gang from the ‘X’ forum, all of whom helped provided the genuine friendship one needs when domiciled in a country far from home.
To the Thai people in general, nothing but thanks and admiration, always willing to help when they could. A classic example: Khun Moi, the dear old drink seller who no doubt still sets up nightly on the corner of Sukhumvit Soi 13, a real treasure. When times were tough, she happily supplied TPE (Thaiprivateeye) with a bottle of Sangthip and some Coke on tick!
Similarly, most officials I had to confront were always helpful and understanding, and I did my best to show them respect and some appreciation when I could.
My time spent in Thailand, espcially as an investigator, was a wonderful chapter in my life. Perhaps not always as easy or successful as it may appear in the book, but nonetheless a part of my life I would never change, and it certainly helped me develop a better understanding of life in general. I was fortunate to leave Thailand not only with great memories, many of which I have shared here with you, but also with a jewel in the form of our daughter Natalie. This book is for her for she is my motivation and perhaps my saviour-an investigator needs plenty of luck to remain unharmed, I think I had just about used all mine.
Warren Olson
New Zealand
