“No, you’re not, Bethany,” said Gabriel softly. He still hadn’t lifted his head. “You’re not sorry or you wouldn’t have done it.” I hated that he wouldn’t look at me.
“Gabe, please,” I began, but he silenced me by raising his hand in protest.
“I was apprehensive about having you with us on this mission, and now you have proven yourself to be completely erratic.” He looked as if the words had left a bad taste in his mouth. “You’re young and inexperienced — your aura is warmer and more human than any other angel’s I have known, and yet you were chosen. I sensed we would encounter problems with you, but the others believed all would be well. But now I see you’ve made your decision — you’ve chosen a passing fancy over your family.” He rose abruptly.
“Can we at least talk about it?” I asked. It was all sounding very dramatic, and I was sure it didn’t need to be if only I could get Gabriel to understand.
“Not now. It’s late. Whatever you want to say can wait till morning.” And with that he left us.
Ivy looked at me, her eyes wide and sad. I hated to end the night on such a sour note, especially seeing as moments ago, I couldn’t have been happier.
“I wish Gabriel wouldn’t do that prophet-of-doom routine,” I said.
Ivy looked suddenly tired.
“Oh, Bethany, don’t say things like that! What you did tonight was wrong even if you can’t see that yet. Our counsel may not make sense to you right now, but the least you can do is think about it before things get out of hand. You will realize this is nothing but an infatuation. Your feelings for this boy will pass.”
Ivy and Gabriel were talking in riddles. How did they expect me to see a problem when they couldn’t even articulate it? I knew my outing with Xavier was a minor deviation from the agenda, but what was the harm in that? What was the point of being on earth and having human experiences if we were going to pretend they didn’t matter? Despite what my siblings thought was best, I didn’t want my feelings for Xavier to
Ivy went up to her room and I was left alone with Phantom, who seemed to know instinctively what I needed. He came and nuzzled behind my knees, knowing it would force me to bend down and stroke him. At least one member of the household didn’t hate me.
I went upstairs and peeled off my clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor. I wasn’t sleepy; instead I was weighed down by a feeling of being trapped. I stepped into the shower and allowed the hot water to pummel my shoulders and loosen my tight muscles. Even though we’d agreed never to do this in the house in case we could be seen, I partially released my wings until they pressed up against the glass of the shower screen. They were stiff from hours of being folded, and I felt them double in weight as they absorbed water. I tipped my head back, letting the water run down my face. Ivy had asked me to think about what I was doing, but for once I didn’t want to think, I just wanted to
I dried myself hastily and with my wings still damp climbed into bed. The last thing I wanted was to hurt my brother and sister, but my heart seemed to turn to stone whenever I thought of never seeing Xavier again. I wished he was in my room right then. I knew what I would ask of him: to escort me from my prison. And I knew he wouldn’t hesitate. In my imagination I was the maiden tied to the train tracks, and the face of my tormentor alternated between that of my brother’s and sister’s. I realized I was being irrational, turning the situation into a melodrama, but I couldn’t stop myself. How could I explain to my family that Xavier was much more than a boy I’d developed a crush on? We’d only had a few short encounters and one date, but that was irrelevant. How could I make them see that a similar encounter was unlikely even if I lingered on the earth for a thousand lifetimes? I still possessed my celestial wisdom, and I knew it with the same certainty that I knew my days on this verdant planet were numbered.
What I couldn’t determine and didn’t dare to ask was what would happen once the powers in the Kingdom learned of my transgression. I didn’t imagine the reaction would be mild. But was a little compassion and understanding too much to ask for? Wasn’t I as deserving of these as any human being who would be pardoned without a second thought? I wondered what would happen next. Would I be recalled in disgrace? I felt a chill run through me at the thought, but then the memory of Xavier’s face filled me with warmth once again.
The matter was not raised the next morning or during the rest of weekend. On Monday morning Gabriel went through the ritual of making breakfast in silence. The silence continued until we reached the gates of Bryce Hamilton and parted company.
Molly and her friends offered a welcome distraction. I let their conversation wash over me; it stopped me thinking. Today their source of entertainment was dissecting the latest fashion faux pas of their least favorite teachers. According to the girls, Mr. Phillips looked as though his hair had been cut by a lawnmower; Miss Pace wore skirts that would work better as carpet; and Mrs. Weaver, with her tailored slacks tucked under her breasts, had been dubbed Harry High-Pants. Most of them saw teachers as an alien species, undeserving of common courtesy, but despite their laughter, I knew there was no real malice intended in their jibes; they were just bored.
Soon the conversation turned to matters of more importance.
“Get excited, ’cause we’re going shopping soon!” said Hayley. “We thought we’d get the train to the city and check out the boutiques in Punch Lane. Molly, are you coming?”
“Count me in,” Molly replied. “What about you, Beth?”
“I don’t even know if I’m going to the prom,” I said.
“Why would you even think about missing it?” Molly looked aghast, as if only an apocalypse might serve as a valid reason for not attending.
“Well, for one I don’t have a date.”
I didn’t confess this to Molly, but several boys had already broached the subject, seizing the opportunity of finding me alone in between classes. I had fended them off with noncommittal responses. I told everyone who asked that I wasn’t sure if I’d be going, which wasn’t entirely a lie. I was buying time and secretly hoping Xavier would ask me.
A girl called Montana rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about that. The dress is way more important. If you get desperate, you can always find someone.
I was about to say something about checking my planner when I felt a strong arm slip around my shoulders. The group froze, their gazes fixed on the space above my head.
“Hi, girls, you don’t mind if I steal Beth for a minute, do you?” Xavier asked.
“Well, we
“I’ll bring her right back,” Xavier said.
There was something familiar about his manner toward me, which they didn’t fail to notice. Although I liked it, I was also uncomfortable to suddenly be the center of attention. Xavier guided me to an empty table.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“I seem to be making a habit of rescuing you,” he replied. “Or did you want to spend the rest of lunch talking about spray tans and eyelash extensions?”
“How do you even know about that stuff?”
“Sisters,” he said.
He seated himself comfortably at the table, ignoring the sidelong glances being aimed at us now from all directions of the crowded cafeteria. Some looked envious, others simply curious. Xavier had chosen to sit with me when almost any table in the room would have welcomed him and coveted his company.
“We seem to be drawing attention,” I said and squirmed.
“People like to gossip, we can’t help that.”
“Why aren’t you with your friends?”
“You’re more interesting.”
“There’s nothing interesting about me,” I said, a note of panic creeping into my voice.
“I disagree. Even your reaction to being called interesting is interesting.”
We were interrupted by two younger boys approaching our table.