and turn, looping around the trees. I felt the release of energy that had been pent up for so long. I saw Gabriel stop midair once to ascertain that I hadn’t lost control. Ivy I only spotted every now and then as an amber glow through the mist.
For the most part interaction was kept to a minimum. This was our own personal time to feel whole again and embrace the kind of freedom that could only ever truly be felt in the Kingdom of Heaven. Our oneness was beyond the power of language to convey. Our humanity dropped away as we experienced our true selves.
We flew like this for what must have been several hours, until Gabriel emitted a low melodic hum, like the note of an oboe, which we knew was the signal to come down.
As we climbed into the Jeep, I thought there was no chance of my going to sleep once we got home. I was too jubilant, and it would be hours before I came down from my high. But I was wrong. The car trip back along the winding road was so rhythmic that I fell asleep curled on the backseat like a kitten long before Byron came into view.
17
Calm Before the Storm
My relationship with Xavier seemed to deepen after the dinner with my family. We felt we had been given permission to express our emotions without fear of reprisal. We began to think and move in sync with each other, like one entity occupying different bodies. Although we made a conscious effort not to disconnect from everyone around us, at times it just couldn’t be helped. We even tried allocating specific times to spend with other people, but when we did, the minutes seemed to drag and our behavior felt so contrived that we inevitably gravitated back together within the hour.
During lunch Xavier and I had taken to sitting together at our own private table at the back of the cafeteria. People drifted over from time to time to share a joke or ask “Woodsy” about details of a swim meet, but rarely did anyone attempt to join us nor were references made to our relationship. Instead people orbited around us, keeping a respectful distance. If they sensed there were secret issues between us, they at least had the manners not to pry.
“Let’s get out of here,” Xavier said, packing up his books.
“Not until you’ve finished your essay.”
“I’m done.”
“You’ve written three lines.”
“Three carefully considered lines,” Xavier objected. “Quality over quantity, remember?”
“I’m just making sure you stay focused. I don’t want to be responsible for distracting you from your goals.”
“Bit late for that,” Xavier joked. “You’re a huge distraction and a very bad influence.”
“How dare you!” I teased. “It’s impossible for me to be a bad influence on anyone.”
“Really? And why is that?”
“Because I’m goodness personified — I’m so clean I squeak!”
Xavier’s brows furrowed as he pondered this admission. “Hmmm,” he said after a moment. “We’re going to have to do something about that.”
“Any excuse to get out of homework!”
“Maybe it’s more that I have the rest of my life for achieving my goals. Who knows how long I’ve got with you.”
I felt the lightheartedness seep from the conversation as soon as those words were spoken. We usually skirted around this topic — it mostly led to confusion as things do when they’re outside our sphere of control.
“Let’s not think about that.”
“How can I not think about it? Doesn’t it keep you awake at night?”
The conversation was going down a road I didn’t like.
“Of course I think about it,” I said. “But I don’t see the point in spoiling our time together now.”
“I just feel like we should be doing something,” he said angrily. I knew the anger wasn’t directed at me. The fact that there was no one to blame made things even harder. “We should at least be trying.”
“There’s nothing we can do,” I said quietly. “I don’t think you realize what you’re dealing with here. You can’t just mess around with the forces of the universe!”
“What ever happened to free will? Or was that just a myth?”
“Aren’t you forgetting something? I’m not like you so those rules don’t apply to me.”
“Maybe they should.”
“Maybe… but what are we going to do about it, start a petition?”
“That’s not funny, Beth. Do you
I knew he wasn’t referring to Byron.
“I can’t believe you even have to ask me that question.”
“Then why doesn’t this bother you as much as it bothers me?”
“If I thought there was any way I could stay here, do you think I would hesitate?” I cried. “Do you think I’d willingly walk away from the most important thing in my life?”
Xavier turned to look at me, his turquoise eyes dark, his mouth narrowed into a hard line. “They, whoever they are, shouldn’t have control over our lives,” he said. “I’m not about to lose you. I’ve been through that before, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“Xavier…,” I began, but he silenced me by putting a finger lightly over my lips.
“Just answer me one question. If we were to fight this, what are our options?”
“I don’t know!”
“But are there options, someone we can ask for help, something we can try, even if it’s a long shot?” I looked into his eyes and saw an urgency that had never been there before. Xavier was always so calm and relaxed. “Beth, I need to know,” he said. “Is there a chance? Even a small one?”
“There might be,” I said. “But I’m afraid of finding out.”
“Me too, but we can’t think that way. We have to have faith.”
“Even if it all comes to nothing?”
“You said yourself there was a chance.” Xavier laced his fingers with mine. “That’s all we need.”
Over the last weeks I’d felt a little guilty about distancing myself from Molly, but she had resigned herself to spending time with me whenever Xavier was otherwise occupied. I knew she must be resentful of his monopoly of my time and attention, but Molly was a realist and held the view that friendships had to take a backseat when relationships started — especially if the relationship was as intense as mine and Xavier’s. She seemed to have overcome her previous irritation with him, and although she was far from willing to acknowledge him as her friend, she was much more prepared to accept him as one of mine.
Xavier and I were walking into town one afternoon when we spotted Ivy under an oak tree with a dark-haired senior from Bryce Hamilton. The boy was wearing a backward baseball cap, the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to show off his muscular arms, and he kept smirking suggestively as he spoke. I’d never seen my sister look so flustered. The boy had her cornered; she clutched a shopping bag with one hand and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear with the other, clearly seeking a means of escape.
I nudged Xavier. “What’s going on over there?”
“Looks like Chris Bucknall finally worked up the nerve to ask her out,” Xavier said.
“You know him?”
“He’s on my water-polo team.”
“I don’t think he’s Ivy’s type.”
“I’m not surprised,” Xavier said. “He’s a total sleaze.”
“What should we do?”
“Hey, Bucknall,” Xavier called out. “Can I have a word?”
