‘Gershwin,’ he said, ‘“Rhapsody In Blue”. And you can cry if you want to.’
Margaret’s throat was ful .
‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ she said.
The door of Richie’s practice room was shut. While he was alive, it had never been completely closed except on very rare occasions, because he liked to feel that his playing belonged to al of them, to the whole house; so much so that Chrissie had had to organize insulation for the party wal with the neighbouring house, and have ugly soundproofing tiles fixed to the ceiling. But now the door was firmly shut so that none of them, Chrissie said, would have to see the sharp dents in the carpet where the little wheels on the piano’s legs had dug almost through to the canvas.
‘It’s worse than his shoes,’ Chrissie said.
There was a silence when she said this. Al the girls felt a different kind of relief once the piano had gone, but it wasn’t, plainly, going to be possible to admit to it. Tamsin felt relieved because she might now be able to implement a few plans for the future; Dil y felt relieved because her own part in an alarming plot was over, and Amy felt relieved that justice had been done, and the piano was at last where it was supposed to be.
‘I wouldn’t expect,’ Chrissie said, ‘any of you to feel like I do.’
When she had come home, after her expedition with Sue, which had produced nothing except an abortive conversation about what work avenues Chrissie might explore next, she had found Tamsin and Dil y waiting tensely in the kitchen with the kettle on, and the corkscrew ready (which would she be in the mood for?) and Amy sitting cross-legged on the empty space of dented carpet where the piano had once been.
‘I didn’t want,’ Amy had said unhappily, ‘for there to be nothing here when you came back.’
Chrissie had been quite silent. She stood in the doorway of the practice room holding her bag and her keys, and she looked at Amy, and then she looked al round the room, very slowly, as if she was checking to see what else was missing, and then she said, ‘Did Sue know too?’
Amy nodded.
‘Get up,’ Chrissie said.
Amy got to her feet. Chrissie stepped forward and took her arm and pul ed her out into the hal . Then she closed the door of the practice room, and propel ed Amy down the hal to the kitchen.
Tamsin and Dil y were both there, both standing. Even Tamsin looked slightly scared. She opened her mouth to say, ‘Glass of wine, Mum?’ but nothing happened.
Chrissie let go of Amy and put her bag and her keys on the table. Then she said, ‘I suppose this is the same impulse that makes you want me to clear out his clothes.’
‘We want to
‘Yourselves, maybe,’ Chrissie said. She sounded bitter.
Dil y said, on a wail, ‘I didn’t want it to go!’
‘You can’t do someone’s grieving for them,’ Chrissie said. ‘You can’t move someone on at the pace that suits you, not them.’
Amy cleared her throat. She said, ‘But if we’re going to live together, we count as much as you do. We can’t be held back just because you won’t move on.’
Tamsin gave a little gasp. Chrissie looked at Amy.
‘Is that how you see it?’
‘It’s how it is,’ Amy said. ‘I knew you’d take it hard, that’s why I sat there. But you could think why we did it, you could try and think sometimes.’
‘You have a nerve,’ Chrissie said.
Amy said rudely, ‘Someone needs nerve round here.’
Chrissie stepped forward with sudden speed, reached out, and slapped her. She used her right hand, and the big ring she was wearing on her third finger caught Amy’s cheekbone and left an instant smal welt, a little scarlet bar under Amy’s left eye. Then Chrissie burst into tears.
Nobody moved. There was a singing silence except for Chrissie’s crying. Then Tamsin darted forward and pushed Amy down the kitchen to the sink and turned the cold tap on.
‘Ice is better,’ Dil y said faintly. She moved towards the fridge and then Chrissie sprang after her, pushing her out of the way, and clawing to get ice cubes. She ran unsteadily, stil sobbing and sniffing, down the kitchen, bundling ice cubes clumsily into a disposable cloth. She held it unsteadily against Amy’s face.
‘Sorry, oh sorry, so sorry, darling, so—’
‘It’s OK,’ Amy said. She stared ahead, not at her mother.
‘It’s a big deal, the piano,’ Tamsin said. She stil had an arm round Amy. Amy took the bundle of ice cubes in her own hand, and pressed it to her cheekbone.
‘I should never—’ Chrissie said, ‘I’m so sorry, I’m—’
‘We shouldn’t have done it!’ Dil y cried.
Tamsin glared at her.
‘Sue—’ Dil y said.
‘Don’t blame Sue,’ Chrissie said. She drooped against the kitchen unit. ‘Don’t blame anyone.’
‘It was Kevin’s idea,’ Tamsin said.
