against me. She’d been asleep for over an hour, but I had yet to close my eyes.
I’d been fighting this. I’d been fighting this for so long I almost forgot how not to. This longing, this need, this yearning for someone. I’d been fighting it since Maureen, keeping all of it always at arms’ length. And I’d been fighting with Cathy, the idea of her. Because in her I knew was an answer. Maybe not
There was no way I could know what form it would take, but that didn’t matter. It was out there somewhere, waiting.
• • •
There were times, as we explored the island or sat on the beach or ate a meal, when I found myself looking at Cathy while her attention was elsewhere. I wish I could say it was because I was enthralled by her, or was trying to memorize every line of her. But it wasn’t that.
I could see the concern she had for me-the care, I guess you’d call it. I could see the bond of our friendship, which had grown so much stronger, and yet so much more fragile, during our time on the island. I could see thousands of possibilities. But what I was really looking for was unlimited potential. And no matter how much I looked, that was the one thing I was unable to find.
“Do you want some mango?” she would ask. But what I heard was, “This is good for you. You should eat it.”
“Let’s go for a walk on the beach,” she’d say. What I heard was, “You need exercise, not another nap.”
And when she said, “It took you long enough to finally notice me,” my mind translated it as, “You’re mine now. You don’t need anyone else.”
Every day, I would have to stop and remind myself that this was Cathy, the best friend I had at The Lounge, probably in all of Angeles. Whatever twists my mind put into what she was saying were faulty interpretations that had been skewed by emotions I hadn’t expected to feel, and didn’t know how to control.
As each day passed, I got better.
On the last night there, as we lay in bed, her head pressed against my chest, she said, “I wish we could stay here forever.” What I heard was, “I wish we could stay here forever.”
In a voice so low I wasn’t sure she actually heard me, I said, “Me, too.”
Finally it was time for our small, tropical island vacation to end, and for us to return to our large tropical island home. We didn’t have to be in Kalibo until late afternoon, so we spent the morning on the beach.
“Thanks, Larry,” I said. We were sitting on our towels watching Isabel and Cathy wade into the water.
He only smiled at first. “You’re welcome,” he said a moment later.
“This was exactly what I needed.”
“So you’re ready to return to your nine-to-five grind, then?”
I laughed. “Yeah. I think so.”
There was a family playing at the edge of the water. A little boy who couldn’t have been more than five ran in and out of the waves, laughing uncontrollably. His sister, who looked to be around eight, splashed him every time he ran past. The parents were in on the fun, too. Each of them pretending to chase their son, but never being able to catch him. But it was the daughter who caught my attention the most. Even though she was Asian-maybe from Japan or Singapore or even Manila-she reminded me of Lily. It was in the way she took complete joy in her brother’s fun. It was like he was the most important thing in the world to her. And while I was sure there were times when he pissed the hell out of her, right then and there, she was everything a sister should be. She was everything a person should be. Lily didn’t have any siblings, but I had seen that same look in her face countless times.
“I need you to do me a favor,” Larry said.
Reluctantly, I turned my attention from the family back to him. “Sure,” I said. “What do you need?”
“I need you to watch over Isabel.”
My eyes narrowed slightly, as I tried to read his face. “What do you mean? Keep tabs on her and let you know what she’s up to?”
He looked startled. “No. That’s not what I mean at all. I just want you to be her friend. Be there for her if she needs someone to talk to.”
I relaxed a little. “I do that already.”
“I realize that. But,” he paused, knowing the words he was about to say were trite, but not knowing any other way to say it, “she’s special.”
“I know.”
“It’s like she’s the only-”
“Larry,” I said, stopping him. “I know.”
He smiled sheepishly, and again silence descended on us. As the girls walked out of the water and began heading in our direction, Larry said, “I’m going to send her money every month.”
“That’s between you and her.”
He looked over at me. “If something happens and she needs more, if
I smiled and nodded. “That’s okay.”
A lot had changed during that week away, the most important being Isabel and Larry’s love moving from potential to genuine. It was still too early to talk of marriage, but we all knew it was waiting on the road ahead. As for Cathy and me, we’d moved from coy teasing to secret lovers. I had told both her and Isabel that I didn’t want the rest of the girls to know what was going on. I couldn’t have it interfering with my job. Did I really believe it would remain secret forever? No. But I hoped it would for a while.
And it was also on that trip that Larry and I moved from acquaintances to friends-good friends, even. I was going to miss the son of a bitch when he left in a few days.
As we drove from the airport in Manila back to Angeles, Larry had the driver make a quick stop at a store. He darted inside and five minutes later returned with a bottle of cheap champagne and a stack of paper cups.
Once we were back on the road, he poured each of us a cupful of the wine.
“To a great vacation,” he said.
“To a great vacation,” we all echoed.
Soon we’d be back in Angeles, at the party that never stopped, but at that moment, we were just four friends having a little party of our own.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
We had been walking in silence on the beach for fifteen minutes. The clouds had actually begun to break up some, and I was beginning to think maybe we’d miss most of the storm. Others must have been thinking the same thing, as the regular noises of the beach-the fishermen preparing their boats, the tourists talking and laughing and playing on the sand, and the young kids walking up and down selling necklaces and sunglasses and candy bars-that had been missing earlier returned. For a while we stood down at the water’s edge, letting the warm sea wash over our feet.
Because it suddenly felt natural to do so, I began talking about Larry. And once I started, I found it hard to stop.
I told her about the first time I had met him. I talked about the jerk with the comb-over and Larry’s offer of tea. Her face grew pained as I went on, but she didn’t try to change the subject. Most of what I told her was stuff she already knew, but just hadn’t thought about since she locked it all up in that place she kept her most painful memories. I imagined that room was crammed full, mostly with memories of Larry, but not all. When I got to that trip the four of us took to Boracay, Isabel finally teared up. After I told her what Larry had said to me as we watched her and Cathy play in the water, a few tears escaped.
