down, not make them worse. I squeezed his shoulder and said, 'Play along, okay?'
'Of course.'
It took me a few minutes to get everyone's attention, but I finally put a stop to all the action, though there were plenty of irritated groans left behind.
'Guys, relax. I know everyone wants to get wild and I'm all for that. But this isn't the place or time. You're all about to get kicked out of my house anyway, so let's make a deal. Since I'm eighteen now I get access to my savings account and I just had a great idea.' I looked over at Ben. 'It's inspired me to throw another birthday party. Sort of. This weekend I'm going to rent a suite at a hotel and everyone here is invited to come and play. Take that however you want to.'
Silence filled the room, though I could see a couple of people eyeing the others, choosing a partner. I couldn't blame them for being stunned; I was kind of shocked too. But hell, being in a room full of people making out was a huge turn-on for me, and I figured most of them would feel the same. Besides, no one could tattle if we were all in it together. I wasn't trying to really have an orgy, but just set up something a little wilder than any of us could manage in our parents' houses.
'Okay, well, I'll text details on Friday. The room's on me, but BYOB you cheap bastards.'
That broke the tension and got a laugh from everyone.
Ben kissed my cheek. 'I hope that invitation includes me.'
'Of course. You're the guest of honor.'
'Does that mean I get you all to myself, or I just get first dibs?'
Mr. Shaw's face flashed through my head and his calling me a slut. Well damn, maybe I was. Then I thought of blowing Chip in the library. Okay, definitely a slut. But who cares? I was young and hot and about to graduate from high school. In a few months I'd be hundreds of miles away in college with nothing but a yearbook and memories of the people sprawled around me. Might as well live it up.
'We'll see,' was my answer to Ben, and I meant it. We'd see a lot of things. And did we ever. The wild weekend to come was wilder than I could have ever imagined, and was just the next step on the way to me becoming the woman I am now, the happy dirty slut I am now.
To be continued…
Sibling Lust: In the Barn
My adopted brother masturbated in the barn, way up high in the loft, lying alone in the soft, clean hay we shoveled down for Da to feed the animals. I didn’t understand at first, what he was doing. I think he would have heard me, that first time I climbed up the ladder, ready to tell him that Ma needed a hand moving something in the kitchen, if he hadn’t been about to make a mess. I saw him, lying down, black hat tossed aside, head cocked at a funny angle, and at first I panicked, thinking he was hurt. But then I heard his fast, labored breathing, saw his hand moving between his legs, and knew he was holding onto his privates.
But what could he be doing to them?
I stood frozen on the ladder, eyes wide, as his hand moved faster and faster, like lightning, up and down. He gave out a soft moan, his hips bucked up, and I stared, shocked, as thick, white streams shot over his fist, up onto his bare belly, where he’d pulled up his shirt.
I knew it was a sin. I couldn’t be anything but. Instead of confronting him that first time, I snuck down the ladder as quiet as I could. I told Ma I didn’t feel well-and no, I didn’t find Eli in the barn, I said-and went to my room, which was really mine and Ada’s and Becca’s together.
I felt sick, remembering what I saw, but I was curious too. What could he have been doing with himself like that? The sounds he made were sort of like he was in pain…but why would he be hurting himself? And at the end, the shock of the liquid shooting from his privates…it wasn’t pee. I knew what that looked like. My littlest brother, Isaac, had peed on me enough during diaper changes for me to know that.
I lay there a long time, feeling funny down low in my belly, playing the scene over and over in my head. Eli was the eldest, in his twenties now, me just behind him, turned eighteen last spring. He was Ma’s sister’s boy really, but when my aunt died of sepsis soon after he was born, Eli’s father had left our order, too full of grief to stay, and the baby had stayed too. My parents had raised him as their own and we had known each other as brother and sister from the beginning. I knew I shouldn’t have watched him, that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.
That’s when I decided to watch Eli, to see if he did it again. It was the next afternoon he disappeared from the side of the house where Da had him stacking wood. I was hanging laundry and saw him head to the barn, so I followed.
This time, I saw it all, from beginning to end. I peeked over the top of the ladder to watch, even untying and taking off my white cap-a sin in and of itself-hoping the darkness of the barn would hide me, and let my brown hair blend into my surroundings. If he looked over, he would only see that-the top of my head and my wide eyes. I watched him lie back in the hay, unfasten his pants, and start touching his privates.
It was soft at first-a small snake in a nest of hair-but the more he touched it, the bigger it got. I stared, aghast, when it stood straight up, more than double its original size. Eli licked his palm, calloused from hard work, and wrapped his fist around the length, moving his hand up and down, just like the day before.
His breath came faster and faster-and so did mine. That funny feeling was back in my belly, low down, cradled in my pelvis. Something ached there, throbbed, like a tooth does, only it wasn’t a hurtin’ sort of agony, but a delicious kind. I wanted more of it. And the more I watched, the more the feeling swelled until I felt like I was going to burst.
It wasn’t long before he was moaning again, whispering, “Oh, oh, oh!” and then shoving his privates up into his fist, that thick white stuff flooding out the end. There was so much of it!
I didn’t go to my room this time. Instead, I hurried down the ladder and went back to hanging laundry, but that gnawing tickle took a long, long time to go away. Eli’s hand touched mine when I asked him to pass me the milk pitcher during dinner and I thought the heat that rushed through my torso would make me faint. He gave me a funny look, but I just kept my eyes down and finished eating.
Still, I didn’t stop watching. I couldn’t. I felt compelled, even though I knew it was a sin, I knew the devil was in me, and I had to rub him out. I tried. I did. I stood on the ladder, watching my brother pump himself like he was a well, waiting for that blessed moment when the liquid finally surfaced, and I lifted my long skirts to touch myself too.
I didn’t have what he had. Girls and boy had different parts, I knew that much from changing diapers for Ma when the babies needed it, but I never knew how complimentary the parts were, how different and yet how similar. I pressed myself there over my undergarments while I watched him, worrying myself between the legs again and again. I knew if someone came into the barn-if Da had come in…my blood curdled just thinking about it.
But he never did. And one day, when Eli was thrusting up into his hand and I was at my usual spot on the ladder, watching, I felt that little tickle between my legs build to a sneeze. Something had to give. My fingers moved, back and forth, around and around, my whole body tingling with sensation, and then…it happened.
The world exploded.
I cried out-I couldn’t help it-my whole body trembling with the force of the devil inside of me, and I wondered briefly if I had finally driven him out. My legs wouldn’t hold me. They turned to jelly and I fell, catching myself halfway down only to lose my grip again and land, hard, on the dirt floor below.
“Sarah!” Eli was calling. I was okay, but dazed, breathless, still stunned by what had happened, and I didn’t answer him. He took the ladder two rungs at a time, sweeping me up over his shoulder and carrying me back up like I was a sack of potatoes.
When he had me on the hay, touching my face, calling my name, I finally opened my eyes. He was concerned, but embarrassed too, and I knew he was wondering how much I’d seen. Oh, Eli, I’ve seen so very much, I thought, catching his hand and bringing it up to my heart.
“I know it’s a sin,” I whispered, lifting his fingers to my mouth and kissing them. “But I can’t help it.”
“Help…what?” His dark, puzzled eyes met mine, and I searched his earnest face with my heated gaze.
“I saw you.” I admitted it, feeling the heat move into my cheeks. He flushed, too. “Eli, it was so
