was in much pain. More worryingly, the inactivity was weakening her and making it hard for her to fight the infection.
Hereward was concerned too, and we decided to talk to Adela. Hereward came directly to the point.
‘You’re not getting better. We need to get you up and about and build your strength.’
‘I know, but I feel so weak — in spirit as well as in body.’
‘That’s not like you.’
Tears began to fill her eyes as Hereward put his arms around her. ‘May I take a look?’
‘Of course. You’re the only man in the world I’d happily show my arse to!’
Hereward examined the wound and then spoke to Adela reassuringly, but disingenuously.
‘It’s looking better, but it might be wise to cauterize you again, just to be on the safe side.’
‘Don’t tell me lies, Hereward of Bourne. I know it’s getting worse. Tell them to strike deep this time to kill whatever is eating away at me.’
‘Get some rest; we’ll do it in the morning.’
Hereward looked anxious as we walked away.
‘It’s her last chance. Could you smell it?’
‘What?’
‘Gangrene — the rotting of the flesh.’
The cauterizing of the wound the next day was vicious, even by the standards of a procedure that is at the best of times brutal. But Adela survived and the physicians gave her a strong potion to make her sleep.
As she slept, Hereward again seemed troubled.
‘Have you noticed that Sweyn and Adela do not share the same tent any more?’
I had not, but thought it now wise to share with him the true nature of their marriage, and the story of Mahnoor of Palermo and her tragic death.
‘How sad for both of them. When Adela has rested, I’ll talk to her. I think there are some things I can help her with — ’
Hereward’s words were interrupted by the arrival of Estrith, another of our Brethren who seemed anxious as she walked away to talk with her father in private.
They soon came back and sat on the ground outside my tent. Hereward’s face showed no emotion.
Estrith took my arm. ‘Please, sit with us; I have something to tell you. I have been very foolish.’
I feared another Bertrand of Toulouse transgression had occurred, but the revelation was of a different order.
‘I have sullied my vocation again.’
I looked at Hereward, but his expression had not changed.
‘With Sweyn.’
I was struck dumb.
‘It happened when we were alone in the desert. I was so scared and he was so kind to me and so courageous; he got us through an ordeal we should never have survived. He had to check my wound every few hours. I was always naked from the waist up when he did it… well, I’ll spare you the details.’
‘What are his feelings?’
‘He’s a young man, I’m an older woman, I think he’s proud of his conquest and keeps coming back for more, but it’s just an infatuation.’
‘And you?’
‘The same; it will pass.’
‘Then, let it do so.’
‘It’s not as easy as that.’
She paused and looked at her father, who put his arm around her.
‘I’m pregnant.’
‘You can’t be!’
‘I know, I know. I’m nearly thirty-nine years old; I never dreamed I could fall pregnant, but I have. God works in mysterious ways.’
‘He certainly does.’
I needed time to think. This was a dilemma which could affect us all, and Estrith faced the prospect of a pregnancy and birth in the most challenging of circumstances. But it did not take me long to realize that it was a problem for the Brethren as a whole and one we had to discuss together.
‘Our Brethren makes us equals; each is responsible for and to each other. You have told your father and me; now Sweyn needs to tell Adela, and then we must come together to discuss what needs to be done. It affects us all. You are the Abbess of Fecamp, a gift from Robert. Zealots like Raymond of Toulouse will take the moral high ground; this is supposed to be a Christian Crusade against an alien and immoral faith.’
‘Yes, but it’s a Crusade that slaughters Muslims like animals.’
‘I’m not condoning it, but people like Count Raymond think our enemies are animals.’
‘But only because of what we do, which makes them retaliate against us like animals. It is madness!’
Hereward then offered some wise advice.
‘Let’s discuss the virtues of the Crusade another time. For now, it’s important that Sweyn speaks to Adela; then we must bring Robert into our confidence and decide as Brethren what we are going to do.’
Two days later, with a blood-red sun sinking below the horizon beyond the Orontes River, we sat in Robert’s tent within sight of the mighty Dog Gate of Antioch. The setting sun brought a rush of cooler air from Mounts Staurin and Silpius behind the city, a welcome breeze at the end of a warm autumn day.
Adela had been carried in like a babe in arms and sat impassively. Sweyn and Estrith looked uncomfortable. Robert took the lead in the discussion.
‘Adela, how are you?’
‘Sore, just as you would be if someone kept searing your arse with a hot iron.’
‘Sweyn has spoken to you?’
‘He has.’
‘And what are your thoughts?’
‘I am concerned for our Brethren. Estrith and Sweyn know their own minds and are free to make their own choices, but it might have been wiser had relationships within our Brethren remained platonic. And the child makes that even more difficult.’
Adela looked at me, and I looked at Estrith, remembering the time when I had made my own clumsy proposition to her, and thinking of how events might have unfolded if we had let our relationship become a sexual one.
Estrith stood and paced around nervously.
‘Sweyn and I were in extremis — the odds were we would not survive. What happened, happened. We shouldn’t have let it continue when we got back to the camp, but forbidden fruit can be very tempting. It was a mistake; we’re sorry.’
Sweyn then spoke.
‘I make no apologies for what happened. They might have been our last hours on earth; our moments together were tender and loving, and I have no regrets. When we came back to camp, I couldn’t just end it. I hope Estrith feels the same way.’
She did not respond, so Robert asked the most important question of all.
‘So, now that we have a new member of the Brethren of the Blood of the Talisman, how shall we ordain his or her arrival? Once we have decided, let us celebrate!’
Robert was being typically considerate, but he knew it was not as simple as he implied.
It was left to me to play Devil’s advocate.
‘As one of the senior Latin Princes of this righteous Crusade, what will be the reaction among your peers and within the rank and file? After all, Sweyn is a senior knight, now lauded for his leadership against the Seljuks, as is Adela; Estrith is the Abbess of Fecamp and the “angel” of the camp among the sick and wounded. If Sweyn’s fathering of the child is concealed, we still have to find an alternative sire, which might make matters worse.’
Sweyn now got to his feet. ‘There will be no denial of my role as the child’s father. It is our child and I will be a loving father to it.’
