When Shadows Call

neither do I believe that God would damn you for it.” There were members of the Ladies’ Auxiliary who’d faint dead away at my words, but they were spoken with nothing but truth. It mattered little to me if Henry loved women or men. It only saddened me that I took the brunt of his anger at the people in our world who did not share my opinion on the matter.

Henry drained the decanter of brandy into his glass. He swirled the liquid, gazing over the rim as if reading tea leaves at the bottom of a cup. He pulled back his arm and, with a shout, hurled the glass into the fire. An explosion of flame burst out from the brick, catapulting shards of glass into the parlor. I shielded my face with my arms and stood, prepared to run at any moment. My husband’s chest heaved, and with each of his labored breaths, the fire dwindled until naught was left but smoldering embers.

Henry turned on me, crossing the distance between us in three quick strides. Frozen in place by crippling fear, I cringed away from him, closing my eyes as I braced myself for the blow that would most assuredly come. Henry wrapped one arm around my narrow waist and dragged me hard against him. My eyes opened wide in surprise as much as alarm and he captured my face with his free hand, digging his fingers cruelly into my still- tender skin. “Even bruised, you’re lovely,” he said from between clenched teeth. He laughed as my eyes betrayed my surprise. “What? Just because I’m not interested in taking you to my bed does not mean that I’m blind.” He squeezed my face hard and my teeth bit into the inside of my cheeks. I tasted blood and fought the urge to gag. “But lovely or not, I don’t want you. I’ve never wanted you, and I hate you for that.”

“Henry, please,” I whimpered, but the words came distorted through my mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for tonight. I’ll never do it again. Please. Please, don’t hurt me.”

He let go of my face and dragged his hand down my throat to the bodice of my gown. “Did you imagine him touching you?” Henry swayed on his feet, so drunk he could barely stand, let alone hold on to me. “Did you wonder what it would feel like to have his hands on your breasts? His mouth tasting your virginal skin? Tell me, Darian, would you like to lie naked with Azriel?” The words tore from his mouth in a snarl. “Answer me!” Henry fisted the delicate fabric of my dress and I heard it tear as he gave me a rough shake. “Answer me, damn you! Do you want him inside you?”

“Yes!” I screamed, putting my face as close to Henry’s as I dared. Rage bubbled up in me, my skin burning with the intensity of it. “Is that what you want to hear? I want him! I want his hands, his lips, his naked body on mine! You don’t want me and I don’t care that you don’t want me. But I deserve to be wanted by someone, by God!” Never had I spoken my mind like that with him. I felt as though I stood outside of my body, watching as another woman took my place and spoke the words I longed to say. But, dear lord, what consequences would my actions bring?

“Why did he have to come here tonight?” Henry’s voice grew weak, almost a sob. His grip on me loosened and I took a cautious step back. The heel of my shoe caught in my slip, tearing into the fabric,. If I ran, I’d surely fall. I was trapped in place by my own feminine undergarments. The embarrassment was almost too much to bear. “I’ve never desired anything—anyone—as much as him.” Tears streamed down Henry’s face and his lip curled in a vicious snarl. “And he wants you.”

I tried to take another step back, but I was too tangled in my dress to move. “Henry, you said yourself, it was an act.” I had to placate him. Calm him down somehow. I tried to free my heel from the fabric, but it became more entangled the more I moved. “He didn’t want me. Not really.”

“You stupid bitch!” Henry railed. “You just had to get in the way, didn’t you?”

I managed to step out of my shoe, but I was too late. His fist landed squarely against my jaw, and the popping sound sickened me as I crashed into an end table and fell to the floor. The metallic tang of blood lay thick on my tongue, and a thick fog settled in my addled mind.

“Henry, I—” Words stalled in my throat. My head felt too heavy for my neck to support. I’d wanted freedom from his abuse, even at the expense of my own life. So why couldn’t he just kill me and end my suffering once and for all?

His boot made contact with my ribs and I heard more than felt the crack. I wanted to curl up in a ball, protect myself, but I didn’t have the strength for the simple act. The corset that bound my waist did nothing to protect my fragile body. In fact, it only served to limit my mobility. Any courage I’d felt dissolved into fear and white hot pain. My throat constricted and I couldn’t seem to draw enough air into my lungs.

“Do you even think you’d be here if it wasn’t necessary?” A sob broke through his chest. “I hate you!” Henry’s fist came down, bashing my chin. Another pop, blood welling from my mouth. The smell of the blood made bile rise in my throat.

Henry hauled me up by the collar of my dress and slapped me with his open palm. “He was for me!” he shouted. “You ruined everything!” He followed through with the back of his hand, striking my other cheek. “I should wring your scrawny, ungrateful neck!”

I looked up at the panes of the French doors leading from the parlor to our garden and caught a reflection in the night-shrouded glass. I had to be dreaming. No, I was dying. I blinked the tears from my eyes in an effort to clear my blurred vision. I couldn’t be imagining the man standing just outside the door, one palm pressed against the glass. His expression spoke of death, and of retribution. The rage in his black eyes burned with the intensity of a million suns. Even as I fought for lucidity, his beauty took my breath away. His dark and lovely form slid through the solid structure as if the doors hadn’t been there at all. An apparition, an angel come to take me to heaven.

“Get off of her, you coward!” Azriel shouted, pulling Henry away from me. “You have no idea what you’re doing, who she really is!”

Henry screamed in a maddened rage that quickly turned to a shriek of fear. I lay on the floor, bleeding, broken, silently begging for death to finally claim me. The sound of a fist sinking into soft flesh made me flinch, and I tried once again to pull my body into a tight ball to protect myself. Another blow followed the first, and it wasn’t until I heard Henry shout in pain that I realized the beating had not been meant for me. “Why?” Henry cried, before he gasped for breath. “Please!” he begged through wracking sobs. “Stop!”

“Did you stop when she begged you?” my angel demanded. “Did you show her mercy?” Henry grunted in pain and cried in earnest, no longer able to even feign strength. “I’m going to kill you.” My savior’s voice was flat, calm, and full of promise. “You won’t lay a hand to her ever again.” I held on to consciousness for as long as I could, but peaceful oblivion called. The darkness that I loved so much descended on me, and I welcomed its embrace.

Sometime later, as I floated between the lands of the dead and the living, I realized I could no longer hear Henry’s terrified screams. My body shifted as strong arms encircled me. I wanted to cry out from the pain but my mouth refused to work. Agony tore at me, building and festering to an almost inconceivable level. I felt as though tiny tendrils of shadow had crawled beneath my flesh to wrap themselves tightly around my bones. Inch by inch, inky blackness laid claim to my body, joining with my soul to forever change me. Was this what it felt like to die? I’d expected to see the shining light of heaven stretched out infinitely before me, but instead, I was welcomed by darkness. Eternal night and twinkling stars. God had no place for me in heaven. I’d been claimed by the shadows.

The pain subsided by small degrees as I was lifted from the floor. Like the night I’d submerged myself in the steaming copper bathtub, my body tingled with heat. Someone carried me up the stairs, jostling me with each step. I didn’t dare open my eyes, but in my mind I saw him: dark and beautiful and strong. He pulled me close to his chest, and for the first time in many years, I felt safe. I felt . . . at peace. A door creaked as he pushed it open, and he took great care to shuffle around any obstacles in his path. My rescuer lowered me to the downy softness I recognized as my bed, and Azriel’s beautiful voice whispered in my ear, “You’re mine now.”

Mine.

* * *

I floated in darkness, held secure as if wrapped in a cocoon. Something surrounded my body, encased it. Soft as silk and warm. It flowed over my skin, twining and reaching around my limbs until every inch of me was covered. Bliss. My eyelids fluttered as I came closer to wakefulness, but I fought against opening my eyes. I wanted to stay here in this shadowy realm where nothing could touch me.

As if swimming to the surface from the murky depths of the ocean, my mind floated closer to awareness. I pushed all physical sensation aside and followed the path of conscious thought, searching through the dark for a clue, some memory to help connect me to the moment. I flinched, an act so involuntary I couldn’t control it. Henry’s fist smashed into my face. I drew my knees up to protect my ribs as he kicked me. Tears squeezed through the lids of my eyes and ran down my cheeks. The memory was still so fresh in my mind, the images flashing like lightning against a navy blue sky.