a horse by its harness. But in this case, I think you may be right. I'd like to make it seven, if you'll let me.'
Hutch smiled.
'Seven it is,' he said.
— 35 -
'I'm not a fool,' Ronnie told him, after the others were gone. 'I know you aren't doing this for me.'
Hutch stood at the windows, watching the headlights streak along Lakeshore Drive. Over his objections, Ronnie had insisted on cleaning up the mess on the dining table and was now wiping her hands with a dish towel as she approached him. Her mother and son wouldn't be moving in until tomorrow, so it was just the two of them tonight.
Hutch looked at her reflection in the glass and pulled himself from his thoughts of Jenny. He had once again been wallowing in his guilt over how he'd left it with her.
After things went bad, after he'd fled college for what he'd hoped would be a better life-a more exciting one, at least-he had still believed that somewhere down the line he would see her again. Even after he'd failed to contact her, and that bullet train of a decade rocketed past, he had never for a moment thought that he'd be standing here in his childhood home, mourning her loss.
Ronnie moved up alongside him. 'I know it's about Jenny,' she said. 'I think about all those years living in that house and how I used to look at the two of you on nights like this, curled up on the sofa as we all watched a movie.' She shook her head. 'God, how I envied her.'
Hutch wasn't sure how to respond to this.
'You were the magic couple,' Ronnie went on. 'The two who got it right while the rest of us were stumbling through a post-adolescent haze.'
'But we
He thought about his parents' funeral, when Jenny had come to pay her respects. He had known she was there, but with the paparazzi hovering, he had left the church as soon as the service was over, and he hadn't looked back.
'I'm talking quality, Hutch. And intensity. Maybe too much intensity. Maybe that's what scared you away.'
He shot her a look, surprised by her sudden insight. 'You're psychoanalyzing me now?'
'I don't have a right to be psychoanalyzing
He took a breath. 'Careful, doc, you're cutting a little too deep.'
'What can I say? I spent a lot of time in a jail cell thinking about this stuff. About how scared we all are-every single one of us. Only some of us disguise it better than others.'
'And some of us bury it with booze and drugs.'
He had once again been thinking about finding a bar, or drinking the leftover Double Diamond in the fridge. It was getting increasingly harder to resist.
Ronnie reached over and took hold of his hand. 'I'm so sorry she's gone. And if I can help you stop thinking about her for a while, it would be the least I could do.'
He faced her now, looking into her dark eyes, seeing what he hadn't seen all those years ago, what he'd noticed at the The Monkey House the night she was arrested.
Just how beautiful she truly was.
He wanted to lean down and kiss her. But he couldn't. Not like this. Not with Jenny still on his mind.
'Let me help you,' she said. 'Like you've helped me. You can pretend I'm her if you want-I don't care. God knows I've pretended enough with other men.'
He didn't have to ask what she meant by this, considering Matt's insistence that she had always been in love with him. But should he take her up on her offer?
If he did, it meant that Nadine's warning was right. That he was thinking with his dick.
But was that really so bad?
Was it?
Over the last ten years, Hutch had slept with more than his share of women, had even taken on a long-term relationship or two. But he'd never felt as if he'd been completely present in any of them. Had always held back, careful not to give too much of himself. He didn't want anyone falling in love with him, because he knew he couldn't return that love. It had always been 'friends with benefits' for him, an arrangement that rarely ended well.
He remembered once being described in People magazine as 'Hollywood's Biggest Catch!' and nearly laughed out loud when he saw the issue on a newsstand.
Some catch. All he offered was disappointment. He'd even disappointed the one woman he
'Let me help,' Ronnie whispered again. And as he stood there looking into her eyes-eyes that were asking as much as offering-he felt his body stirring.
She moved closer to him now, her breasts brushing against his chest, her own body (if Matt was to be believed) filled with a decade's worth of pent-up desire. The now familiar smell of lavender filled his nostrils and he imagined himself pressing his mouth against the nape of her neck, tasting her, breathing her in.
But he gently pulled away.
'You should get some sleep,' he said. 'Big day in court tomorrow.'
The disappointment in her expression was so palpable that he once again felt the sting of guilt, even though he'd done nothing to lead her on.
She stepped back and away from him, lowering her eyes. 'I… I'm sorry, I… '
'There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm flattered, believe me, and tempted too. Very tempted. But I don't think the timing is right.'
She looked up suddenly, releasing a sharp, humorless laugh. 'Timing? Who gives a damn about timing?'
'I'm just thinking that with the trial and every-'
'I'm not asking you to marry me, Hutch. I'm only looking for a comfort fuck-and I thought you might be, too.'
Her tone was abrupt and abrasive, and for reasons he didn't quite understand, this made her all the more attractive to him. And somehow more vulnerable.
But he knew she was lying. This would be much more than a simple comfort fuck, and he needed to walk away.
But before he knew it, he was pulling her toward him and pressing his mouth against hers, tasting her, feeling the heat of her tongue, his hands roaming, fingers probing, as they moved together toward the couch and fell onto the cushions.
