The Cords of Vanity. A Comedy of Shirking

And this gave an additional whet to my intentions. So I called upon the girl, and she, to my chagrin, received me with an air of having danced with me some five or six times the night before; our conversation was at first trivial and, on her part, dishearteningly cordial; and, in fine, she completely baffled me by not appearing to expect any least explanation of my discourteous neglect. This, look you, when I had been at pains to prepare a perfectly convincing one.

It must be conceded I completely lost my temper; shortly afterward neither of us was speaking with excessive forethought; and each of us languidly advanced a variety of observations which were more dexterous than truthful. But I followed the intractable heiress to the Moncrieffs that spring, in spite of this rebuff, being insufferably provoked by her unshakable assumptions of my friendship and of nothing more.

3

It was perhaps a week later she told me: 'This, beyond any reasonable doubt, is the Forest of Arden.'

'But where Rosalind is is always Arden,' I said, politely. Yet I made a mental reservation as to a glimpse of the golf-links, which this particular nook of the forest afforded, and of a red-headed caddy in search of a lost ball.

But beyond these things the sun was dying out in a riot of colour, and its level rays fell kindlily upon the gaunt pines that were thick about us two, converting them into endless aisles of vaporous gold.

There was primeval peace about; an evening wind stirred lazily above, and the leaves whispered drowsily to one another over the waters of what my companion said was a 'brawling loch,' though I had previously heard it reviled as a particularly treacherous and vexatious hazard. Altogether, I had little doubt that we had reached, in any event, the outskirts of Arden.

'And now,' quoth she, seating herself on a fallen log, 'what would you do if I were your very, very Rosalind?'

'Don't!' I cried in horror. 'It wouldn't be proper! For as a decent self-respecting heroine, you would owe it to Orlando not to listen.'

'H'umph!' said Rosalind. The exclamation does not look impressive, written out; but, spoken, it placed Orlando in his proper niche.

'Oh, well,' said I, and stretched myself at her feet, full length,—which is supposed to be a picturesque attitude,—'why quarrel over a name? It ought to be Gamelyn, anyhow; and, moreover, by the kindness of fate, Orlando is golfing.'

Rosalind frowned, dubiously.

'But golf is a very ancient game,' I reassured her. Then I bit a pine-needle in two and sighed. 'Foolish fellow, when he might be—'

'Admiring the beauties of nature,' she suggested.

Just then an impudent breeze lifted a tendril of honey-coloured hair and toyed with it, over a low, white brow,—and I noted that Rosalind's hair had a curious coppery glow at the roots, a nameless colour that I have never observed anywhere else….

'Yes,' said I, 'of nature.'

'Then,' queried she, after a pause, 'who are you? And what do you in this forest?'

'You see,' I explained, 'there were conceivably other men in Arden—'

'I suppose so,' she sighed, with exemplary resignation.

'—For you were,' I reminded her, 'universally admired at your uncle's court,—and equally so in the forest. And while Alfred—or, strictly speaking, Gamelyn, or, if you prefer it, Orlando,—is the great love of your life, still —'

'Men are so foolish!' said Rosalind, irrelevantly.

'—it did not prevent you—'

'Me!' cried she, indignant.

'You had such a tender heart,' I suggested, 'and suffering was abhorrent to your gentle nature.'

'I don't like cynicism, sir,' said she; 'and inasmuch as tobacco is not yet discovered—'

'It is clearly impossible that I am smoking,' I finished; 'quite true.'

'I don't like cheap wit, either,' said Rosalind. 'You,' she went on, with no apparent connection, 'are a forester, with a good cross-bow and an unrequited attachment,—say, for me. You groan and hang verses and things about on the trees.'

'But I don't write verses—any longer,' I amended. 'Still how would this do,—for an oak, say,—

'I found a lovely centre-piece 
Upon the supper-table, 
But when I looked at it again 
I saw I wasn't able, 
And so I took my mother home 
And locked her in the stable.'

She considered that the plot of this epic was not sufficiently inevitable. It hadn't, she lamented, a quite logical ending; and the plot of it, in fine, was not, somehow, convincing.

'Well, in any event,' I optimistically reflected, 'I am a nickel in. If your dicta had emanated from a person in Peoria or Seattle, who hadn't bothered to read my masterpiece, they would have sounded exactly the same, and the clipping-bureau would have charged me five cents. Maybe I can't write verses, then. But I am quite sure I can groan.' And I did so.

'It sounds rather like a fog-horn,' said Rosalind, still in the critic's vein; 'but I suppose it is the proper thing. Now,' she continued, and quite visibly brightening, 'you can pretend to have an unrequited attachment for me.'

'But I can't—' I decisively said.

'Can't,' she echoed. It has not been mentioned previously that Rosalind was pretty. She was especially so just now, in pouting. And, therefore, '—pretend,' I added.

She preserved a discreet silence.

'Nor,' I continued, with firmness, 'am I a shambling, nameless, unshaven denizen of Arden, who hasn't anything to do except to carry a spear and fall over it occasionally. I will no longer conceal the secret of my identity. I am Jaques.'

'You can't be Jaques,' she dissented; 'you are too stout.'

'I am well-built,' I admitted, modestly; 'as in an elder case, sighing and grief have blown me up like a bladder; yet proper pride, if nothing else, demands that my name should appear on the programme.'

'But would Jaques be the sort of person who'd—?'

'Who wouldn't be?' I asked, with appropriate ardour. 'No, depend upon it, Jaques was not any more impervious to temptation than the rest of us; and, indeed, in the French version, as you will find, he eventually married Celia.'

'Minx!' said she; and it seemed to me quite possible that she referred to Celia Reindan, and my heart glowed.

'And how,' queried Rosalind, presently, 'came you to the Forest of Arden, good Jaques?' 

I groaned once more. 'It was a girl,' I darkly said.

'Of course,' assented Rosalind, beaming as to the eyes. Then she went on, and more sympathetically: 'Now, Jaques, you can tell me the whole story.'

'Is it necessary?' I asked.