:Emerahl.
:At last! What’s keeping you up so late?
There was a hint of slyness to her tone. He found himself thinking of Dardel, then felt a twinge of guilt.
:A link ceremony, he told her.
:A link ceremony? I thought you were going to avoid them?
:Only joining in. I was able to listen to their thoughts.
:Learn anything useful?
:Perhaps. How is Auraya?
:A good friend would ask how I was first.
:I’m not a good friend. How are you?
:Better. I will be leaving soon.
:You’ve taught her the secret of immortality?
:Yes and no. I’ve told her, not taught her. I can’t make her learn it if she doesn’t want to. And she doesn’t.
:I suppose not. He felt a nagging disappointment.
:I think she’ll work it out for herself, if she ever changes her mind.
:She will. And she’ll manage it easily.
:I’m sure she will, Emerahl agreed.
:So you’ve changed your mind about her?
:I never said she wasn’t smart.
:But you like her better now.
:What makes you think that?
:You’ve stopped calling her “god-loving” and “self-pitying.”
:Have I? Maybe I’m sick of repeating myself. I should come up with some better insults.
:You should.
:Or maybe it’s your turn. I have some bad news for you. I promised The Twins I’d break it to you gently, but I’m not sure how to do that.
He paused. It was hard to tell whether she was setting him up for some joke, or was serious.
:I’m used to your bluntness, Emerahl. What news do you have that is so terrible?
She didn’t speak for a moment, then when she did it was quietly.
:Auraya doesn’t love you, Mirar. She loved Leiard. Though she knows he is a part of you, that’s not enough. You’re a stranger to her and she doesn’t trust you. I can’t blame her. I’d feel the same.
He said nothing. There was no lie in Emerahl’s words. No way he could have confused what she’d said. He felt suddenly empty. There was a hollow place now where there had been something wonderful and bright. A curl of smoke where a fire had been smothered...
Oh, listen to yourself! he thought. So your heart is broken once more. Are you going to try your hand at poetry again? I’m not sure the world could survive that. Though it might be a fine way to torment the gods.
But sarcasm and self-mockery didn’t help. It never had in the past. This was something he would just have to endure for now. Eventually he would forget Auraya.
Though that might be a little hard if she’s immortal. If every time I saw or heard about her I went through all the hope and pain again. And if—
:Mirar?
:Oh. Emerahl. Sorry.
:Are you all right?
:Of course not. But I’m not about to throw myself out of the window either. Do you think there’s a chance, in the future, if Auraya and I somehow spend some time getting to know each other again, she might—
:I wouldn’t put your hopes on it. There is something else you need to know. She’s had another lover.
:I know. I read that from her mind when I was teaching her to heal.
:Did you find out who it was?
:No. A feeling of dread began to close in around Mirar. Was it Juran? That would be understandable. I could accept that.
:It wasn’t Juran. She paused. As the silence lengthened Mirar grew impatient. Was she being theatrical, or was she truly reluctant to tell him?
:It was Chaia.
He felt his whole being go cold. A memory rose of helpless parents and a thin, wasted girl. It had been possible to see hints of the beauty that had once been in that young woman’s face, but there was madness in her eyes. She had been bound to her bed, because if freed she constantly rubbed and clawed at herself, most often at her breasts and between her legs.
In those times there were no laws against dream-healing. He had linked with her mind. He had expected to be confronted by something unpleasant. But what he saw had multiplied his hatred for the gods tenfold.
Chaia.
The god had chosen this girl as his lover, using magic in a way that generated exquisite pleasure. What he got from her in return Mirar had never been able to discover. When Chaia had tired of her he had left her like this, craving a pleasure she could never gain naturally from her own body.
Mirar had only been able to restore her sanity by blocking some of her memories. From then on she ate begrudgingly and never regained any sexual interest, and she was in a constant state of boredom. She became incapable of feeling any sort of pleasure. He had almost wished he’d let her die.
:It’s in the past, Emerahl assured him. She doesn’t appear to have suffered any of the usual consequences.
He had not detected any sign of madness when he had taught Auraya to heal back in Si. But then, not all Chaia’s victims had lost their minds - just their ability to enjoy life, and sex.
Little wonder Auraya feels nothing...
:Mirar? Are you all right?
:Of course I’m not, he said, a little too sharply. Sorry, Emerahl. I will talk to you later.
He drew away from her mind, opened his eyes and stared at the wall before him.
Chaia. Of all the lovers she could have chosen... if she’d had any choice at all...
There was a light tap at the door.
He slowly looked up. The same hopeful tap had come every night. Quiet so as not to wake him. Never repeated, as if it was only to tell him she was still interested.
Dardel.
He should ignore it. But what alternative was there except to lie awake all night thinking? What good would that do?
He rose from the bed. When his hand touched the door handle he paused, but his conscience remained silent. Instead he found his thoughts returning where he didn’t want them to go.
Chaia.
He opened the door and drew a smiling, pleasantly surprised Dardel into his room.
