The Blind Barber

jewel does figure in the story — it was what tangled us up and raised all the hell when the wires got crossed — but nobody ever intended it to figure at all.'

'H'm!' said Dr. Fell, peering at him.

'And also I am bound to admit that the jewel got stolen—'

'By whom?'

'By me,' said Morgan unexpectedly. He shifted. 'Or by several of us, to be exact. I tell you it was a nightmare. The thing was an emerald elephant, a big pendant thing of no historical interest but of enormous intrinsic value. It was a curiosity, a rarity, that's why Sturton went after it. It was an open secret that he had been negotiating to buy it from one of the busted millionaires in New York. Well, he'd got it right enough; I had that from Curt Warren. The Great Personage, Curt's uncle, is a friend of Sturton's, and Curt's uncle told him all about it just before Curt sailed. Probably half the people on the boat heard the rumour. I know we were all waiting to catch a glimpse of him when he came aboard — queer, sandy old chap with ancient side-whiskers and a hanging jaw; only attendant a secretary. He popped up the gangway all swathed round in checked comforters, and cursed everybody in reach.

'Now it's a very odd thing, for a variety of reasons, that you should have mentioned the old familiar story about the fabulous jewel. Because, on the afternoon when all the trouble started — it was the late afternoon of the fourth day out, and we were to dock three days later — Peggy Glenn and Skipper Valvick and I had been discussing this emerald elephant, in the way you do when you're lying back in a deck-chair with a robe across your knees, and nothing much to think about except when the bugle will blow for tea. We discussed whether it was in Lord Sturton's possession or locked in the captain's safe, and, in either case, how you could steal it. Peggy, I know, had evolved a very complicated and ingenious plan; but I wasn't listening closely. We had all got to know one another pretty well in those four days, and we stood on very little ceremony.

'As a matter of fact,' said Morgan, 'I was more than half-asleep. Then—'

2 — Indiscretions of Uncle Warpus

Low along the sky there was a liquid yellow brightness, but twilight had begun to come down, and the grey sea wore changing lights on its white-caps when the Queen Victoria shouldered down against a heavy swell. The skyline tilted and rose above a boiling hiss; there was a stiff breeze along the almost deserted promenade-deck. Lying back drowsily in a deck-chair, well wrapped against the cold, Morgan was in that lethargic frame of mind when the booming sea-noises are as comfortable as a fire. He reflected that shortly lights would go on along the ship; tea would be set out in the lounge while the orchestra played. Both his companions were momentarily silent, and he glanced at them.

Margaret Glenn had dropped her book in her lap; she was lying back in the deck-chair with eyes half-closed. Her rather thin, pretty, impish face — which ordinarily wore such a deceptive look of schoolmistress primness — now seemed puzzled and disturbed. She swung shell-rimmed reading-glasses by one ear-piece, and there was a wrinkle above her hazel eyes. She was muffled in a fur coat, with a wildly-blowing batik scarf; and from under her little brown hat a tendril of black hair danced above the windy deck.

She observed: 'I say, what can be keeping Curt? It's nearly tea-time, and he promised to be here long ago; then we were going to round you two up for cocktails… ' She shifted, and her earnest eyes peered round at the porthole behind as though she expected to see Warren there.

'I know,' said Morgan lazily. 'It's that bouncing little blonde from Nashville; you know, the one who's going to Paris for the first time and says she wants to gain experiences for her soul.'

Turning a wind-flushed face, the girl was about to rise to the remark when she saw his expression, and stuck out her tongue at him instead.

'Bah!' she said, without heat. 'That little faker; I know her type. Dresses like a trollop and won't let a man get within a yard of her. You take my advice,' said Miss Glenn, nodding and winking wisely. 'You stay clear of women who want to gain deep experience for the soul. All that means is that they don't want to employ the body in doing it.' She frowned. 'But I say, what can have happened to Curt? I mean, even with the notorious unpunctuality of American men—'

'Ha-ha-ha!' said Captain Thomassen Valvick, with an air of inspiration. 'I tell you, maybe. Maybe it is like de horse.'

'What horse?' asked Morgan.

Captain Valvick uttered one of his amiable snorts and bent his big shoulders. Even though the deck was rolling and pitching in a way that made the deck-chairs slide into each other, he stood upright without difficulty. His long sandy-reddish face was etched out in wrinkles of enjoyment, and behind very small gilt-rimmed spectacles his pale-blue eyes had an almost unholy twinkle. He wrinkled them up; he snorted again, hoarsely, through his sandy moustache, pulled down his large tweed cap over one ear, and made a massive gesture that would have been as heavy as a smaller man's blow.

'Ha-ha-HA!' thundered Captain Valvick. 'Ay tell you. In my country, in Norway, we haff a custom. When you wont to make a horse stop, you say, 'Whoa!' But we don't. We say, 'Brubublubluoooo-bl-oooo!' '

Shaking his jowls and lifting his head like Tarzan over a fresh kill, Captain Valvick here uttered the most extraordinary noise Morgan had ever heard. It cannot be reproduced into phonetic sounds, and so loses its beauty and poignancy. It was something like the noise of water running out of a bath-tub, but rising on a triumphant note like a battle-cry, and trembling on in shadings of defective drains and broken water-pipes; as though Mr. Paul White-man (say) had built a symphony round it, and come out strongly with his horns and strings.

'Bru-bloo-bulooooluloo-buloooooo!' crowed Captain Valvick, starting low with his shakings of head and jowl, and then rearing up his head at the climax.

'Isn't that a lot of trouble?' inquired Morgan.

'Oh, no! Ay do it easy,' scoffed the other, nodding complacently. 'But ay was going to tell you, de first time I try it on a English-speaking 'orse, de 'orse didn't understand me. Ay tell you how it was. At dat time, when I was young, I was courting a girl who lived in Vermont, where it always snow like Norway. So ay t'ink ay take her out for a sleigh-ride, all nice and fine. I hire de best horse and sleigh dey got, I tell de girl to be ready at two o'clock in de afternoon, and I come for her. So of course I want to make a good impression on my girl, and I come dashing up de road to her house, and I see her standing on de porch, waiting for me. So ay t'ink it be fine t'ing to make de grand entrance, and ay say, 'Brubu-bluooo-bloo!' fine and strong to de 'orse so ay can turn in de gates. But he don't stop. And ay t'ink, 'Coroosh! What is wrong wit' de goddam 'orse?' ' Here Captain Valvick made a dramatic gesture, 'So I shout, 'Brubu-bloooo-bloooo!' and lean over de footboard and say it again. And dis time de 'orse turn its head round to look at me. But it don't stop, you bet. It keep right on going, straight past de house where de girl is standing, and it only gallop faster when I keep saying, 'Brubu-blubluoooo-bl-oooo!' And my girl open her eyes at me and look fonny, but de 'orse fly straight on up de road; and all I can do is stand up in de sleigh and keep taking off my hat and bowing to her w'ile all de time ay go farder and farder away from her; and still ay am doing dat we'en we go round a bend and ay can't see her no more… '

All this was recited with much pantomime and urging the reins of an imaginary horse. With an expiring sigh Captain Valvick shook his head in a melancholy fashion, and then twinkled benevolently.

'Ay could never get dat girl to go out again. Ha-ha-ha!'

'But I don't see the point,' protested Peggy Glenn, who was regarding him in some perplexity. 'How is that like Curt Warren?'

'Ay don't know,' admitted the other, scratching his head. 'Ay yust wanted to tell de story, ay guess… Maybe he is sea-sick, eh? Ha-ha-ha! Ah! Dat remind me. Haff ay ever told you de story about de mutiny ay 'ave when de cook always eat all de peas out of de soup and—'

'Sea-sick?' the girl exclaimed indignantly. 'Bosh! At least — poor old fellow, I hope not. My uncle is having a terrible time of it, and he's suffering worse because he's promised to give a performance of his marionettes at the ship's concert… Do you think we'd better go and see what's wrong with Curt?'

She paused as a white-coated steward struggled out of a door near by and peered round in the darkening