The Blind Barber

Film-Flam strained even Morgan's credulity. If he were given a choice in crooks, he would have preferred to fasten on the bouncing Mr. Charles Woodcock, commercial traveller for 'Swat,' the instant eradicator of insects. But, distinctly, Dr. Kyle must be counted out.

However, when he pointed out this difficulty to Warren, it seemed to make the American all the more certain Dr. Kyle was the culprit.

'Absolutely!' said Warren excitedly. 'It's always people like that. Besides — suppose somebody's impersonating him? There's an idea for you! What better disguise would there be for an international crook than as the respectable head of a bughouse? Say, if we were to tax him with it— jump on him suddenly, you see—'

'You want to be shoved in the psychopathic ward?' demanded Morgan. 'No, we can't do that; not with Kyle. Besides, it's nonsense! We've got to rule out Kyle, and get a good working plan… '

Captain Valvick shifted from one foot to the other.

'Excuse me,' he suggested, with a sort of thunderous timidity, and beamed on them. 'Ay got a idea, ay half.'

'H'm!' said Morgan dubiously.

'Ay tell you,' pursued the captain, peering round to be sure they were not overheard, 'dis feller dat bat you one, he hass got only half de film, eh? Well, den, ay tell you what. He got only half de film; den maybe he iss going to come back, eh? So we stand watch and when he come back we say, 'Hey—!' '

'Yes, I know,' interrupted Warren, with a gloomy air. 'I'd thought of that, too, but it won't work. That's what always happens in the stories; but you can bet your last shirt this bird is too cagy for that. He knows I'm wise to him, he knows I'll take good care of that film; if I don't pitch the rest of it overboard right away. No, no. He won't take any risk like that.'

For some time Peggy Glenn had been sitting silent, her chin cupped in her hands, studying the matter. Her glossy hair was tousled across her forehead, and now she suddenly looked up with such an expression of diabolical brightness and practicality that she almost crowed.

'You men,' she said, rather scornfully—'you men— just messing about, that's all! Now you let me tell you what to do, and you'll have your film back to-night. Yes, I mean it. I fancy I've got an idea' — she struggled to conceal the pleasure that was making her tilt up her chin and grow as excited as Warren—'and it's a ripping idea! Whee! Listen. In a way, Captain Valvick is right. We've got to trap this chap into coming back for the rest of the film… '

Warren made a weary gesture, but she frowned him down.

'Will you listen to me? I tell you we can do it. Because why? Because we are the only people on the whole boat— we four — who know Curt was attacked and why he was attacked. Very well. We give it out publicly that we came in here and found Curt lying on the floor unconscious, dead to the world with a bad scalp wound. We have no suspicions that there was an attack or theft. We don't know how it happened; we suppose that he must have come in here drunk or something, and staggered about and finally fell and bashed himself over the head—'

Warren raised his eyebrows.

'Baby,' he said with dignity, 'it is not that I myself have any objection to the charming picture you have just described. But I only want to remind you that I am a member of the American Diplomatic Service. The Diplomatic Service, Baby. The rules laid down for the strictness of my behaviour would cause annoyance among the seraphim and start a riot in a waxworks. I dislike offering suggestions, but why don't you say that in the course of my customary morning opium debauch I went cuckoo and batted my head against the wall? My chief would like that fine.'

'Oh, all right,' she conceded primly, 'if you must keep to your nasty old rules. Then — say you were ill or sea-sick; anyway, that it was an accident. Well, that you haven't recovered consciousness… '

Morgan whistled. 'I begin to see this. Curt, I believe the wench has got something!'

'Yes,' said Warren, 'and in another minute I'm going to tell you what it is. Go on, Baby. Here, have another drink. After I am picked up insensible, what then?'

'Then,' the girl continued, beaming excitedly, 'we tell everybody you were taken to the infirmary, where you are still in a stupor. You see, if we tell it at the table it will go all about the boat. It's supposed to be an accident, so there'll be no investigation. In the meantime here will be the cabin, open and unguarded. Don't you think this crook will see his opportunity? Of course he will. He'll come back straightaway — and there you are.'

She tossed up her head, her hazel eyes shining and her lower lip folded over the upper in defiant triumph. There was a silence.

'By God! it's good!' exploded Morgan, driving his fist into his palm. Even Warren was impressed; he sat like a thoughtful Indian prophet, staring at the paper cup, while Captain Valvick chuckled and Peggy said: 'Hoo!' in a pleased tone. 'But wait a bit,' Morgan added, 'what about the steward, the one you sent to tell us? He knows.'

'Stewards never talk,' the girl said wisely; 'they know too much as it is. Make it certain with a good tip. Then you can go ahead… By the way, Curt, is the cabin next to this one vacant? That's where you want to hide and wait for him, if it is.'

'Why not in here?'

'He'd see you straightaway, you silly! And you've got to catch him with the goods. It's no good saying, 'Cough up, you villain!' unless you can catch him dead to rights. He'd only say he'd got into the wrong cabin by mistake, and then where are you? He must have the film on his person— then,' she added judicially, 'I dare say you may land him one, dear, if you like.'

'Ah-hh!' Warren breathed, and dreamily fingered a large fist. 'Yes, Baby, the next cabin is unoccupied, as it happens. Tell you what. I'll install myself in there, and get the steward to bring me some dinner. Captain Valvick can keep watch with me. You two go down to dinner and spread the glad news. Then you can join us afterwards. We'll probably have a long wait. The ingredients for cocktails might not be out of place… '

'But we mustn't get drunk,' said Miss Glenn, as though she were uttering a careful definition of terms.

'Oh, no!' said Warren vigorously. 'Not at all. Of course not. Ha-ha! The idea is absurd. But look here, I wish we had more dope on our mysterious crook. If we could only find out something about him… ' He frowned. 'Wait a minute. I've got an idea. Captain, you know Captain Whistler pretty well, don't you?'

'Dat old barnacle?' inquired the other. 'Coroo! Ay know him when he wass not so stuck up, you bet. He got a hawful temper, I tell you. De first time ay know him wass in Naples, when he come in wid de cargo-boat where de chief mate hass de religious mania and go crazy and t'ink he is Yesus.' The breath whistled through Valvick's large moustache; his sandy eyebrows rose and he illustrated the drama. 'De chief mate walk up on de bridge and fold his arms and say, 'Ay am Yesus.' De captain say, 'You are not Yesus.' De chief mate say, 'Ay am Yesus and you are Pontius Pilate,' and smack—he haul off and bust

Captain Whistler in de yaw, and dey got to put 'im in irons. Iss a fact. Ay t'ank of it w'en you say Dr. Kyle iss a mad doctor, because Captain Whistler don' like de people which go nutty. Anudder time—'

'Listen, old man,' begged Warren. 'Spare the Odyssey for a minute. If there were any big international crook aboard, or there were a rumour of it, Captain Whistler would be the one to know about it, wouldn't he? They'd wireless him, wouldn't they, even if he kept it under cover?'

Valvick massively lifted his head sideways and scratched his cheek.

'Ay dunno. It depend on wedder dey know it at de port. Maybe. You want me to hask him?'

'Well — not exactly. Sort of sound him out, you see? Don't let on you know anything. You might do it before dinner; and then we'd be all ready to keep watch.'

The other nodded vigorously, and Warren looked at his watch. 'Nearly time for the bugle to dress for dinner. We're all set, then?'

There was an enthusiastic chorus in the affirmative. For all these people had within them the true, glorious harebrained spirit of adventure; and Warren poured them a quick one as a toast to the new gamble as lights came on through the vibrating sleekness of white decks, and rain-squalls spattered the portholes, and the voice of a bugle began to brattle past state-room doors, and the stately Queen Victoria shouldered on towards the wild business that was to be.