tall green prayer candle that had fallen over on its side. I set it upright and then closed my eyes and focused myself, concentrating on the warmth and beauty of the gaslight flame and on how one candle could cast enough light to change the whole atmosphere of a dark room.
'I call flame—light for me, please,' I whispered.
I heard the wick sputter and felt the flash of heat against my face. When I opened my eyes, I saw that the green candle, which represents the element earth, was burning cheerily. I smiled in satisfaction. I hadn't been exaggerating to Stevie Rae. I had been practicing calling the elements during the past month, and I was getting really good at it. (Not that my awesome, goddess-given power would help me soothe my friends' hurt feelings, but still.)
I placed the lighted candle carefully at Nyx's feet. Instead of bowing my head, I tilted it back, so that my face was open and looking up at the majesty of the night sky. And then I prayed to my goddess, but I'll admit that the way I pray sounds a lot like just talking. This isn't because I mean any disrespect to Nyx. It's just the way I am. From the first day I was Marked and the goddess appeared to me, I've felt close to her—like she really cares about what happens in my life, versus being a nameless God on High who looks down on me with a frown and a notebook he's all too ready to fill out passes to hell on.
'Nyx, thanks for helping me tonight. I'm confused and completely weirded out by the Stevie Rae situation, but I know if you'll help me—help us—we can get through this. Take care of her, please, and help me to know what to do. I know you've Marked me and given me special powers for a reason, and I'm beginning to think that the reason might have something to do with Stevie Rae. I won't lie to you; it scares me. But you knew what a sissy I was when you picked me,' I smiled up at the sky. During my first conversation with Nyx I had told her that I couldn't be Marked as special by her because I couldn't even parallel park. It hadn't seemed to matter to her then, and I was hoping it still didn't matter to her. 'Anyway, I just wanted to light this for Stevie Rae to symbolize the fact that I won't forget her, and I won't walk away from what you need me to do, no matter how clueless I am about the details.'
I planned to sit there for a while and hoped that maybe I'd get another whisper in my mind that would give me some idea about how I should handle meeting Stevie Rae tomorrow. So I was still sitting in front of Nyx's statue and staring up at the sky when Erik's voice scared the bejeezus right out of me.
'Stevie Rae's death has really shaken you up, hasn't it?'
I jumped and let out an unattractive squeak. 'Jeesh, Erik! You scared me so bad I almost peed myself. Do not sneak up on me like that.'
'Fine. Sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you. Later.' He started to walk away.
'Wait, I don't want you to go. You just surprised me. Next time rustle a leaf or cough or something. Okay?'
He stopped walking and turned back to me. His face was guarded, but he gave me a tight nod and said, 'Okay.'
I stood up and smiled what I hoped was an encouraging smile. Undead friend and Imprinted human boyfriend aside, I really did like Erik and definitely didn't want to break up with him. 'Actually I'm glad you're here. I need to apologize for what happened before.'
Erik made a brusque gesture with his hand. 'Don't worry about it, and you don't have to wear that snowman necklace, or you can take it back and exchange it. Or whatever. I kept the receipt.'
My hand went up to touch the pearl snowman. Now that I could lose it (and Erik) I suddenly realized it was kinda cute. (Erik was more than kinda cute.) 'No! I don't want to take it back.' I paused and collected myself so I didn't sound so psycho and desperate. 'Okay, here's the thing. There's a distinct possibility that I might be a little overly sensitive about the whole birthday-Christmas issue. I really should have told you guys how I felt about it, but I've had sucky birthdays for so long that I guess I just didn't even think about it. Or at least not until today. And then it really was too late. I wasn't going to say anything and you guys wouldn't even have known if you hadn't seen that note from Heath.' I remembered I still had Heath's gorgeous bracelet on my wrist so I dropped my hand down and pressed it against my side, wishing the adorably cute little hearts would stop jingling so merrily. Then I added lamely, 'Plus, you're right. Stevie Rae has really shaken me up.' Then I clamped my mouth shut because I realized I had (again) talked about the supposedly dead Stevie Rae as if she was alive, or in her case I guess I should say not dead. And, of course, I was babbling like the desperate psycho I was trying not to appear to be.
Erik's blue eyes seemed to look inside me. 'Would things be easier for you if I just backed off and left you alone for a while?'
'No!' He was really making my stomach hurt. 'It definitely wouldn't be easier if you backed off.'
'You've just been so
'Erik, the truth is it's not just Stevie Rae. There's other stuff going on with me that's really hard to talk about.'
He moved closer and took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. 'Can't you tell me? I'm pretty good at fixing problems. Maybe I could help.'
I looked up into his eyes and wanted so damn bad to tell him everything about Stevie Rae and Neferet and even Heath that I could feel myself sway toward him. Erik closed the little space left between us and I slid into his arms with a sigh. He always smelled so good and felt incredibly strong and solid.
I rested my cheek against his chest. 'Are you kidding, of course you're good at fixing problems. You're good at everything. Actually, you're freakishly close to perfect.'
I felt his chest rumble as he laughed. 'You say that like it's a bad thing.'
'It's not a bad thing—it's an intimidating thing,' I mumbled.
'Intimidating!' He pulled back so that he could look at me. 'You've got to be kidding!' He laughed again.
I frowned up at him. 'Why are you laughing at me?'
He hugged me and said, 'Z, do you have any clue what it's like to date a girl who is the most powerful fledgling in the history of vampyres?'
'No, I don't date girls.' Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians.
He took my chin in his hand and tilted my face up. 'You can be scary, Z. You
'Oh, please! Don't be silly. I've never zapped you.' I didn't mention that I have actually zapped people. Most specifically undead people. Well, and his ex-girlfriend, Aphrodite (who is about as hateful and annoying as the undead dead). But it was probably a good idea not to bring all that up.
'I'm just saying that you don't need to be intimidated by anyone. You're amazing, Zoey. Don't you know that?'
'I guess not. Things have been kinda foggy lately.'
Erik pulled back again and looked at me. 'Then let me help clear things up for you.'
I felt myself swimming in his blue eyes. Maybe I could tell him. Erik was a fifth former, and in the middle of his third year at the House of Night. He was almost nineteen and an amazingly talented actor. (He can sing, too.) If any fledgling could keep a secret it would be him. But as I opened my mouth to blurt the truth about undead Stevie Rae a terrible feeling clenched my stomach and made the words freeze in my throat. It was
'Hey, I know you'd rather talk to Neferet, but she won't be back for maybe another week or so. I could stand in for her until then.'
Neferet was the one person or vampyre I absolutely could not talk to. Hell, Neferet and her psychic-ness was the reason I couldn't talk to my friends or Erik about Stevie Rae.
'Thanks, Erik.' Automatically, I started to pull out of his arms. 'But I have to work through this myself.'
He let go of me so suddenly I almost fell backward. 'It's him, isn't it?'
'Him?'
'That human guy. Heath. Your old boyfriend. He's coming back in two days and that's why you're acting weird.'
'I'm not acting weird. At least not that weird.'
'Then why won't you let me touch you?'
