beneath the blighted cancer of humanity. A new age is coming. A dark new dawn breaks.
It was an invitation. It was dated several weeks ago.
The troll continued to glare at me and gnash its dirty teeth. 'Are you a member of the Condition?' I asked.
'No,' it hissed. 'Condition is not to be trusted.' The troll's voice was wheezy, like its lungs were filled with cobwebs and its vocal cords were coated in rust.
I distrusted it immediately. This thing was just plain icky. 'What's your name? And I know it isn't Brittany.'
Air escaped from its mouth in a series of puffs. Laughter. 'Tell you nothing, human.'
Holly leaned forward and jammed the muzzle of her AK into the side of his head. 'Start talking, spam-boy, or I'm going to let out some pent-up aggression on your face!'
That got its attention. 'Okay… okay. Don't let the pretty one hurt me!'
'Aw… he likes you,' Trip said.
'Melvin, humans call me Melvin,' the troll said quickly, raising one chained hand to protect his face. The dirty claws extended from the end of each fingertip at least half an inch. 'My pack joined Condition, but Melvin stayed. Not trust Condition.'
'Where's your pack now?' Julie asked.
'They go to join army. But trolls are lazy. He not want lazy servants. Dead servants never lazy. So he made them all dead. Now Melvin is alone. All alone…'
That almost made me sad. Almost. 'Do you know where to find them?'
He shook his head. 'Let me go free. I tell you, then you kill poor Melvin.'
Poor Melvin was an eight-foot-tall, carnivorous killing machine. Letting him go wasn't really an option. But I needed him to talk. Maybe if I treated him with a little respect, he might open up. If that didn't work, we could always let Holly have a crack at him. She seemed the least morally adverse to beating the truth out of something. 'Let him out.'
'What, Z?' Trip asked. 'Serious?' Julie looked at me like I was nuts, but didn't say anything. She drew her. 45 from her holster and held it low by her side.
Milo stepped off to the side and retrieved a Mossberg shotgun from one of the many racks. He pumped a shell into the chamber. 'Don't trust him, Owen. I'm a moderator on a forum. You can't ever trust a troll.'
'Listen, Melvin. We're going to let you out of the car. If you try anything stupid, we're going to shoot your arms and legs off and then we're going to burn you to ashes. Got it?'
'Melvin play nice,' the troll promised. He began to slowly unfold himself out of the trunk. First one long leg came out, chains clanking, until claws clicked on the concrete floor, then it took a minute to get his spindly torso out of the narrow space. Finally the troll stood, all twisted and gangly, wrists chained together in front of its narrow chest. His flesh really did look like row after row of dirty garden hose stacked into a rough humanoid shape. I had to crane my neck to look him in the eye. There was a mass of stringy black hair matted together on his head. The other Hunters kept their guns trained as I stepped closer.
'Okay, Melvin. I'm going to level with you. I really need to know how to find the Condition. Help me avenge your pack's murder.'
He laughed again. 'Not care about rest of pack. Pack was stupid. Got turned into zombies. Now they not hog Melvin's bandwidth.' His breath stank of stale Red Bull and his teeth hadn't been cleaned lately, if ever. 'They are the Fail. No, Hunter. You let Melvin go. Then I tell you where pack went.'
I was afraid of that, but I had an idea. Twice in the last few days I had been able to live somebody else's memories: Myers', and only a few minutes ago, my father's. Susan had exposed me to that cursed artifact so that I would have the ability to fight this Condition. If it worked on people, maybe it would work on monsters. If he wouldn't tell me what I needed to know, then maybe I could just take it. It was worth a shot. I extended one hand slowly toward Melvin's clawed hand.
'What are you doing?' Julie asked.
'Trust me.'
The troll regarded me suspiciously. Finally I touched his hand. He felt warm and squishy. Nothing happened. No black magic lightning. Nada.
Melvin screamed. 'It burns! It burns!' I jerked my hand away. The other Hunters took an involuntary step back. The troll smiled, showing off row after row of rotten teeth. 'I kid. I kid.' Then he head-butted me.
His rubbery skull rebounded off mine, flaring pain through my brain, sending me flailing back, blocking Julie's shot. He moved with surprising speed for his size. One fist swung out, slamming into Holly's stomach and knocking her to the ground. Milo blasted him in the back, the buckshot sending chunks of green meat in every direction. Melvin didn't seem to notice. He surged forward, grabbed Trip by the shirt and tossed him headfirst into the trunk of the Crown Vic. Then Melvin slammed it shut.
My eyes were watering as I stumbled out of Julie's way. She opened fire on Melvin, her bullets tearing into the troll. I swear he giggled as he reached past Milo, grabbing onto a huge shelf of tools, guns, machinery, assorted widgets, and pulled. The heavy shelf teetered for a second before falling over.
'Move!' Julie shouted as all of us dove for cover. The shelf came crashing down, bits and pieces flying in every direction. I rolled out of the way as a chainsaw spiraled past. Milo cried out as something landed on him.
Ankles chained together, Melvin hopped for the open roll-up door and the freedom of the forest. Trolls were amazingly fast. 'Ha ha. You got pwned, bitches!' He laughed as he cleared the exit. Milo was trapped underneath the shelf and thrashing about. Julie was cursing and reloading her 1911. Holly had the wind knocked out of her and was gasping for breath. Trip was beating on the inside of the trunk. I drew my STI. 45, wiped my watering eyes, and started after the escaping troll.
'Witness my perfection, newbs!' Melvin shouted as he hopped down the pavement. If he reached the fence, we were going to lose him.
Suddenly a figure appeared around the corner of Milo's workshop and intercepted the bouncing troll. With his back toward me, I couldn't tell who it was. A boot smashed into Melvin's knobby knees as a large hand grabbed him by the neck. The troll went down with a screech, 'No fair!' as the man wrapped his other hand around Melvin's head.
'Wait!' I shouted, but I was too late. With a brutal twist, the troll's neck snapped, and Melvin flopped twitching to the pavement.
The figure stood, dusted himself off, and nonchalantly turned around. The big man was wearing a black suit, black sunglasses, and black strangler gloves. I gasped.
Agent Franks nodded slightly in return.
The Goon Squad rushed around the corner and joined him. Torres, Archer, and Herzog looked exhausted. They'd apparently had a long night. 'Burn it,' Franks ordered as he strode forward, gesturing back at the troll.
'How? But you…' I stammered.
Franks stopped in front of me. 'Mornin'… sunshine,' which was exactly how I had sarcastically greeted him every morning since he'd been here. I think he was enjoying my discomfort.
Julie pulled the shelf off Milo. He was flustered, but okay. Holly had gotten unsteadily to her feet. Trip was still banging on the inside of the trunk and shouting. 'Would one of you guys let him out?' I asked.
'Trip's got the keys,' Holly responded.
Archer, who struck me as the most efficient of the Feds, entered the workshop and spied an acetylene torch. 'Mind if I borrow this?'
'Be my guest,' Milo responded. Archer wheeled out the torch, turned on the gas, and ignited it with a striker that was chained to the dolly.
'Who's pwned now, punk?' Holly asked rhetorically as she rubbed her bruised stomach. 'Aww, hell, that didn't work out like we imagined.'
Milo shrugged. 'Capturing him seemed like a good idea at the time.'
Trip yelled something unintelligible from inside the trunk.
'Good idea. Hold on,' Julie shouted at Archer. 'Trolls regenerate. Let's haul him down to the basement and lock him up. We can still interrogate him later.' Archer looked disappointed as he twisted the knobs and closed off the torch. It made a popping noise.
Franks glanced around at the destruction. 'I can't leave you alone, can I?'
