body experience.
Lately, when I meditate, it feels as if someone is tuning into me, and they’re close, so close that if I don’t pull myself free, I ‘m scared I won’t come back. The last time was the worst. I went to my special place and lay down on the carpet of flowers, but it didn’t feel relaxing like before. I could feel someone watching me. I didn’t know what to do; I was so frozen with fear. It felt like forever, before I was certain it was safe. My legs sprang into action, as I flew up the steps of the temple to lie near the statues’ sandaled feet. I felt safer there and knew that whoever it was, they couldn’t reach me. This was my sacred place.
The woods have become our unofficial meeting place, mainly because I’m still not keen on introducing him to my parents yet. I don’t want to share him and I’m worried about their reaction. It was unknown territory. They have already experienced Amber, and I think Mum is still trying to get over the shock. Amber didn’t hold back for her visit. She even added a few purple streaks to her pitch-black hair.
‘Peel back the layers Mum, and she’s quite cool when you get to know her.’ I had whispered.
She didn’t get the chance; the grump took one horrified look at her, before opening her mouth and screaming like the devil had possessed her. I had bundled Amber to my room while Mum calmed down li’l sis. My Dad brought us Sunday dinner – a rarity in our house, but I didn’t mention it and Amber seemed oblivious as usual. I was always surprised at her, for someone who was so sensitive; she wasn’t sensitive enough about her looks, always drawing the wrong attention.
School had been chaotic; everyone worrying about exams, except for me. I breathe in deeply - my life couldn’t be more perfect. I almost run home, not to get away from anyone, but to someone, to Hawk. I love that he’s waiting for me, and like now, still can’t believe I’m with him. Doubt creeps in, and part of me wonders if it’s going to last. I sit there for a few moments and worry before noticing that the sunlight that had been spilling so perfectly through the trees had disappeared.
‘Don’t you dare,’ I warn, looking up at the dark shape of the clouds that threaten to spill towards us. I don’t want anything to ruin my afternoon with him.
Hawk props himself up on one elbow, before following my eyes to the sky.
‘Nevaeh, I know I told you, you were special, but clouds can’t hear, especially ones that are that far up in the sky.’
I turned to look at him, scowling. He arches his eyebrow, copying my technique and grins. I’m starting to think that the weather is my own mood monitor. I frown; I don’t want moody clouds interrupting another glorious day with my soon-to-be boyfriend. I find myself consciously pushing the worry away, thinking of sunlight and almost gasp when it returns. As if sensing my fluctuating mood, Hawk sits up, brushing the grass stains from his hands before holding his hands out to me.
‘Time for another lesson, I need you to be prepared – just in case.’
The sunlight disappears again, and I know without looking that the clouds have returned. Hawk looks at me uncertainly, and I sigh more dramatically and grumpier than ever before.
‘Is this another one of those ‘I’m not going to tell you, I just like to look mysterious. I’ve already been to school.’ I snap. I’m not in the mood today. My dreams were getting more vivid, and lately I’ve had the weirdest feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like something is going to happen – something I can’t control. Hawk frowns bending his head to look at me questioningly. I shake my head, just as bewildered as he is. He kisses me gently and I know without looking that the sunlight has reappeared. Everything in the woods feels alive and happier again.
This time Hawk takes me further than ever before when we trance. I can see ourselves nestled in the long grass below, holding hands while we floated above. Although, this time, instead of watching, I feel compelled to close my eyes, and enjoy the sensation of floating. It feels like my entire body is stretching, trying to break free. That’s when my meditation and trancing combine, everything is clearer and I’m almost transported to the marble steps again. I’m surprised, as I didn’t expect to go to that level so quickly. Maybe it was the trancing. This time, it feels different, like I’m watching from a distance. Even though I’m standing on the steps, I don’t feel the cool texture beneath my feet. I’m also aware of movement, of someone running and can hear their breath as they run past.
I stare at a young woman, with long golden hair, who is carrying a basket covered in a light silk covering. I can feel her fear, and with each step, the contents wriggle. This time, my body obeys and I follow her, as she runs towards the field. When I see her stop, I copy her. We are both standing at the edge of a ravine. A roar of angry wind from behind makes us turn round, and I feel like it’s bellowing from the temple. Whatever it is, she’s been discovered, and we both, the woman and I, look back down into the abyss below. A sense of hopelessness fills me then and I want to reach for her arm. She glances fearfully over her shoulder and when I look, I understand her fear. A dark cloud is rolling across the fields towards her. She almost loses her clutch on the basket and only then do I fully comprehend that it’s a baby, from the small foot, freed from the covering. The last thing I notice, before she is enveloped in the mist is the way her silk shift twists round her body. I open my mouth in a silent agonised scream of horror as she disappeared below.
‘Nevaeh open your eyes…’ Hawk’s voice feels so far away, and it takes a while to notice that we are back in our bodies. His eyes are full of concern as he wipes the tears from my face and I sob uncontrollably in his arms.
‘Did you get an idea of who it was? ’ He asked later, when I had finally stopped crying. I shake my head; my bottom lip was still quivering.
‘She just jumped, why did she jump like that and with a baby?’ I whisper. He strokes my face, making soothing noises telling me it wasn’t real, but I knew it worried him too. I had never felt so close to him as I did then.
‘Perhaps I’m putting too much pressure on you, to y’know, trance.’ I didn’t give him the chance to say any more, as I kissed him, my sobs catching in my throat. We melted into the long grass and my body coiled round him. The fleeting image of the girl falling brushed briefly once more over my consciousness before it was gone. Bliss had taken over, the warmth of his body and lips, his chest pressing against me, every feeling I imagined before but better. For some reason, today, I wanted more of him, and he responded to the urgent pushing of my body. Something fluttered inside of me, moving from my toes up to my heart and I had no doubt that I was feeling his very soul. We clung together like we had known each other all of our lives and this time I didn’t have to click file and store. The memories of this moment were imprinting on us both.
After what felt like an eternity, Hawk drew back tracing my face with his fingertips. It made my entire body tingle and I sighed, blushing at how loud it was. I heard him chuckle.
‘You are truly a gift from Gaia.’ He whispered in between soft kisses. I stretched happily underneath him, curling my toes. It felt like my life had only just begun and for the first time I looked forward to our future
