‘I’m not listening to this.’ I snap. ‘Any of it, get out of my room.
‘Nevaeh.’
His voice sounded desperate and I whirl round.
‘Look, I'm nothing like you, you don't know me, and that little conjuring trick, the reading the mind thing? Pathetic!’ I bite back sarcastically.
Hawk shifts his feet uncomfortably, and I notice how his shoulders have suddenly slumped. I immediately feel terrible and want to tell him, but he has his back to me, facing the window. Part of me wants him to go out that way, just to see him fly. My eyes scan his broad back, and the way the t-shirt spreads between his shoulder blades. I can almost imagine wings there - they would suit him. I still can’t believe he is here, and my heart is pounding so loudly, I’m sure he can hear it. I feel nervous and self-conscious in the silence. My room isn’t untidy, but it is unprepared for visitors. I’m noticing small details now, right down to the pillow he has been lying on – it still has an indent in it and I know that I’ll sleep on that tonight. I’m noticing other small details as well, like my pink bra peeping out from underneath the pillow that he’s been lying on and flush in horror.
‘Nevaeh.’ He half turns towards me, his eyes seem faraway, and I wish I could read his thoughts.
‘Let’s go out. The group has been asking about you. Amber says you’ve been holed up inside.’ That got my back up. I haven’t been holed up, I’ve been happy, doing my own thing. Then I realised, that’s why he was really here, they had asked him to come. I felt like I had been stabbed.
‘And what?’
‘You thought you’d volunteer?’ I know I’m sarcastic but why do guys always use other people to make an excuse? Not that I have a lot of experience. Why can’t he say that he missed me, like I miss him? I know you, and you know me, what a load of rubbish, I think miserably.
‘Get out, damn you.’ I hiss, blinking away the tears.
His eyes widen, and he tries to grab me, but I push him away or maybe he lets me push him away. Either way, he gets the message.
‘Nevaeh, stop it!’ His voice is hard and I pause breathing heavily. I watch the way he rubs the back of his neck, looking at me strangely. Maybe, this is not what he expects. Well, wrong girl! What did you expect some fluffy bunny? I think of Jo-Jo then. He hovers near the door, and I feel like my heart is breaking but it doesn’t put my mouth in gear.
‘Not the door Hawk, why don’t you fly out the way you came in.’ I blurt, instantly regretting my tone. I had never been so sarcastic in all my life. I don’t know what it was about him, but he brought the worst out in me.
Hawk flinched and gently closed the bedroom door while I held my breath. I watch as he strides past me and throws himself out of the window. I didn’t expect him to do that and by the time I got over the shock, and uprooted myself, there was no trace of him. I’m nervous when I can’t see him in the garden or the woods below. A caw from above catches my attention and I squint in the sunlight, cupping my hands over my eyes. The room felt lonely all of a sudden, which was weird, because there was only ever me here. I felt like a switch had been thrown, and instantly knew I wanted him back, damning myself for being so stupid and hoping he can hear my thoughts as I try to call him back. ‘Hawk,’ I whisper, leaning further out. There’s no answer, in my head or otherwise and I pull away, feeling my eyes well up. I’m such an idiot. I have this hot guy in my room and what have I done? I throw myself onto my bed, burying my head in the pillow he’d laid on, groaning miserably.
‘You’re not so bad yourself.’
I turn over slowly; half afraid the voice wasn’t real.
I don’t have time to look at him, and gasp as he kisses me then. It’s so passionate, that I feel like my breath has been knocked out of me. I don’t even try to resist, not again, not ever again. His lips lock onto mine perfectly, just like I imagined they would. I push my fingers through his hair, enjoying the sensation, everything was real this time, and I didn’t want it to end. What I didn’t expect was to feel myself drifting upwards. I keep my eyes closed, dimly aware of the floating sensation and put it down to this new experience. I had never felt such a sense of pure bliss and my body drank it in thirstily. When I do look up at him, only then, am I aware of the way he is holding me, feeling the length of his body against mine. I don’t know why I suddenly felt the urge to open my eyes but I did.
I’m aware that I tried to say something but it sounded more like a strangled warble in my throat. Nothing in this strange world that I’d become entwined in could prepare me for this.
I’m staring at us, another us, below. We look frozen, locked onto each other like sculptured figures meeting, embracing again.
I look at him questioningly, and he smiles.
‘Trancing.’
‘Trancing.’ I repeat, staring numbly from us to them.
THE DAY BEFORE
The sounds echoed in my dreams, and I could hear the humming of their wings. For those who walked, I could hear their feet tread the ground. For those who swam, I could hear them slice through the water.
‘Where are you?’ I whispered holding my hands out.
I couldn’t see anything, the mist was too thick. But I could hear them and felt their fear.
Were they running away?
I can’t believe it has been three weeks since I met Hawk. Everything seems to feel slower, and I’m learning more about the group – Hawk is teaching me. I have tried trancing on my own every chance I get, even though he told me not to. I try to tell him that it is similar to my meditations except mine was more like dreaming and with him, it felt like an out-of-
