consoling.
Sounds from above the treetops screamed at her. The earth beneath rumbled as the ecos retrieved their child. She had already pushed herself as far as she could under a bush, the tangle of branches twisting at her skin and hair. She wanted to hide because she was hideous, and in pain. When she tried to call out, to let them know who she was, coarse fabric muzzled her. She was grateful when darkness claimed her. Her last memory before she woke up in the shed was of the air being pushed out of her lungs.
Amber cried out again, the memory of what she had done was too much. She clawed the earth, wondering how many other totems were going through what she was. She knew that some had left and never returned and now she knew why. Bile rose in her throat as she waited; she had never felt so alone and kept thinking of Andrea, and the look of betrayal and disgust.
‘I hope you’re in pain,’ Andrea had whispered in her ear before she was dropped off. ‘You’re a disease, just like Anna and I will never forgive you.’
The pain of that conversation felt worse than the shivering raw skin that clumped to her body. Whatever she did, she was doomed, but at least with Jo-Jo’s help, she might be able to help, even if it was in a small way.
27
Eden
We meet at last and I stare up at the golden shoulder length hair that frames his perfect face and sea green eyes. His skin sparkles and blazes like an angel. He’s holding my hand as we walk through the endless carpet of flowers, the smells and colours hold me transfixed. In the distance, I can hear a waterfall and look at him questioningly, thinking of my mortal meditations. He puts one finger gently on my lips and I almost groan at the touch.
‘All your questions will be answered, don’t concern yourself yet, I’m to help with your transition. I’ve been sent by Mother.’
‘My mother?’ I think of two people now, the woman from my dreams and the mother I walked through. He stops, and we sit down. It’s the first time that I notice what I’m wearing and pull at the thin silk green garment. I look at him. He has a similar one, in a warm orange colour, and autumn comes to mind. I look back at the way we’ve walked. We’re in a different place from before. In the distance two large trees arch towards each other, while on either side, a small child stands guard. Their flaming spears seem too large, and I’m not sure they’re human at all. I notice how their green and brown skin changes when they move closer to the tree. It reminds me of a chameleon, and I wonder what they’re guarding. Alarm flashes through me:
‘Free will has always been the first commandment. What you are looking at is a memory, they are the first guardians of the veil. A memory of what was, like an echo. He spreads his arms wide. ‘We are inside Gaia’s sacred ground, the place of the first Eden.’ I look at him confused.
‘You mean Adam and Eve? That Eden?’
He cups my hand in his, and I feel an energy pass from him to me. It feels like liquid and reminds me of what I did to Hussein.
‘Would that be so bad?’ His voice is soft and I slowly nod, and the questions I so desperately want to ask to start to disappear.
‘Look!’ He points in the far distance as two people run towards us. Fear pushes through, and I tighten my grip.
‘Don’t worry, they can’t see. Remember they’re only a memory.’
I hold my breath as they near; they look like us, even their clothes, and she is terrified. She’s hiding from someone, and there are cuts on her legs. She looks in my direction and her gaze pierces through me. I feel her sadness, her anguish and want to wipe the tears that stain her face. I don’t have time – the man appears behind her, dragging her away from the safety of the tree. He’s shouting something that I can’t understand as they disappear out of the archway. As soon as they had left, the guards crossed their spears again and I knew they can never return.
‘Who are they running from?’ I can barely form the words; my mind is racing as I look at the direction they came from. The presence is angry at the deceit, destroying everything it created for them.
He turns my face towards him.
‘It does not matter, they are the past, and we are the future, creators of a new Eden. Take my hand Nevaeh and let me show you everything.’
His voice is silky. I slide my gaze from his face to his broad shoulders and narrow waist. He stands with his long legs slightly apart and I feel a longing stir. Hawk brushes over my consciousness and I feel a flicker of guilt, but the memories feel more fictitious. I’m starting to wonder if they were ever real. I stand opposite him and feel like his Eve. Maybe none of that life from before, was ever real. Being dead isn’t so bad.
28
Angel
Amber felt the totem spirit disappear into the air like pale smoke. The remains of the physical totem were already decaying and the stench overwhelmed her again, making her vomit.
Weeks before, she had been on such a high. Anna, the most powerful totem, was her friend and was going to help her join – properly. Amber tried to block the images of her betrayal, remembering how much she had given away about the group. She remembered Hawk’s instructions to be herself even though she was in so much pain it was hard to think. She felt like she was on a pyre, being burned as a sacrifice, the thought made her thirsty. As she lay on her back looking at the giant shadows, they turned into expectant demons, like they were waiting for her to die. Branches became hands that stretched down, and she wondered if this was how Nevaeh had felt, before the darkness took her. Did she even know?
‘Nevaeh, I’m sorry,’ she whispers, her voice croaking from thirst.
The crunching of feet, and growling, threatened to stop her already weakened heart and she prayed Andrea hadn’t changed her mind. Maybe she has decided to eat her after all. A voice broke through her thoughts and she would have cried if she could.
