The male voice sounds urgent. Okay, make your mind up, you wanted me to open them earlier.
Mmmm, I’m closing them, seeing giant, curly purple petals, lighter on the edges, and darker on the inside.
‘Can I see you now? Why are you laughing? Right that’s it, I’m going to open my eyes.’
‘You see Nevaeh, the power of thought.’
I can’t believe it. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time, I’ve never felt so happy. You won’t believe this Hawk, but right in front of me is the flower, exactly the way I imagined it. My mind is racing with what I can do. I have to try other things. I wish I knew where you were; I want to give you this flower. Hey, someone else is here, I can see a face – I remember that face from the night of the accident. Leaves and flowers are blowing all over the place and it’s creating a person – wow, so beautiful, she’s more than beautiful….Hawk, I know her.
‘This is our true mother Nevaeh.’
I want to cry, she’s so beautiful, if that makes sense.
I can feel myself moving forward, my body disappearing through her into a mass of colours. She’s holding her arms out to me, and I know I’m home.
His words repeat themselves in my head.
‘You were never born.’
‘I….was never born.’
26
Rejection
Amber screamed in agony, her body continuing to tear from its totem. If she had a choice, she would choose death over the pain that racked her body. The mental torture overwhelmed her. Everything was ruined – she had betrayed the only group that truly accepted her, and had been betrayed by the one she had trusted.
She sat in the same place they had found her; reliving the memories of the child’s terror. The joining had been catastrophic, but it was the only way to be tracked. She wished she knew why Anna was so interested in Nevaeh – so what if she was an indigo? From what she had heard, there were plenty of them around. Why Nevaeh, in particular? She mulled the thought over, and knew once again that she wasn’t important enough to be told.
An image of Jo-Jo came to mind, and she prayed that she had stuck to the plan. Every day, since they had met, she had texted her. If she missed the six pm text, Jo-Jo would take it that there was trouble. Now, she wished, she’d made it earlier – six o’clock seemed so far away. She didn’t know why she felt the need to call for insurance, but her sixth sense had been right. She had been caught; they must have known this was going to happen. A sharp pain shot through her body making her spasm and she wished for death.
Her mind drifted backwards, remembering her last encounter with Anna. She had been changing, becoming distant and instinct told her that she was running out of usefulness. Then suddenly she wanted her to join, suddenly it was important and it was her turn to have reservations.
‘Exactly why can't you use that animal's totem? Look at him, he’s not going anywhere.’ Anna grabbed her roughly by the arm pulling her to the front of Seth’s cage. She stared in wide eyes at the naked figure that was curled up and tried to turn away, but Anna held her fast.
‘This is what you always wanted, isn’t it? A chance to be like them?’ Her voice lowered as she cupped her chin, pulling her gaze back to her. Amber stared in fear at the hypnotic green eyes. At first, they had reminded her of Nevaeh’s, except for the burst blood vessels at the edges. It gave her a crazed look, and she knew then that she was in too deep. If she didn’t accept Seth’s totem - her life would be over. She had seen Anna dispose of those that stood against her. If she accepted, she knew that she would lose everyone else. The thought of being without Andrea felt like bites being taken from her soul. Anna’s madness had disappeared when she agreed, and she felt her own body physically relax. Her mission had seemed so easy at first - to find an Eco child and return to Harp. Apparently they needed two children; she only had one and the thought of the trapped child in the cage made her seethe. She had heard them talking. They knew there were patrols out; she had seen them on Anna’s screen.
Amber cried out when she moved and licked her blistered arm. At first, the soothing sensation of the drug to relax the totem seeped into her and it felt natural. Then, when she felt the weight of it hit her body she knew even then, that it was going to be challenging. It bent her bones into alien positions, her muscles expanding and retracting until a short burst of ecstasy and adrenaline coursed through her. Everything she had been told by the twins was true and the guilt over using Seth’s totem disappeared. She felt and saw everything with an intense clarity of colour that her human self could not measure. Around her, auras spiked and dipped. Some were muddy and dull like the drones, their breath robotic and measured, but others, especially him, radiated. She finally understood how the others had felt. And when her human mind finally melted away, so did her guilt. She was happier than she’d ever been, focusing only on the forest and the avalanche of smells in front of her.
Instinct alone had driven her forward then and she felt the aching hunger of the hunter. The rapid heartbeat of her intended prey was close by. Saliva dripped from her mouth as she circled, stepping lightly through the brush. Fibre and sinew stretched to their maximum when she watched from behind the trees. She forgot her instructions to preserve, wanting to kill, to stretch her teeth around her prey and feel the first tingle of warm blood in her throat. She was unaware that her totem was also waking up and felt the same instinctive urge towards its host, to her, and that was to kill.
In the beginning, the thirst for the prey made her ignore the painful tearing. She continued to push her powerful limbs forward. The aura over the prey glowed like a beacon, changing colours as it shifted between tree, bush and earth. But mostly it was the stench of sweat that made it easier to track. As she anticipated the distance, she felt the first flickers of pain and when she pounced, it felt like she had practically jumped from her skin.
She fell clumsily, dizziness blurring her vision. Muffled screams came from underneath her body. She felt as though she was burning and watched in horror as her fur rippled. When she cried out, it was with her human voice and she finally understood what was happening – the borrowed totem was rejecting her. She rolled off the whimpering prey thinking only of her tearing body, while the child stared wordlessly, her thumping heart threatening to burst. She wanted to comfort her, to tell her it was okay, but her ripping skin made her seem more fiendish than
