reach her.
25
Chills
Wow - the sky is so blue and the light is becoming brighter, it makes me so sleepy, and I can feel my eyelids become heavy. I have to close them. Sorry Hawk, I’m so tired. The warm wind is soothing as it brushes over my body. I feel like its whispering my name, like the voice from before. Only now I can hear other voices, voices from my life – Mum is talking to me now and I keep my eyes closed, feeling her touch on my arms.
‘Rest honey, you’re safe, I’m not going to leave you.’
I curl up in her words. I do feel safe, and I can smell Dad’s aftershave even though he’s not speaking. He’s sad too, and I wish I could help him but I can’t. I think of my sister then, and remember how sad he was when she was born. They’d nearly lost her because the chord was wrapped round her neck and she spent weeks in the incubator. Can you imagine how scared they were?
The breeze has become cooler, and I’m shivering - does that mean I’m going back again?’
Nevaeh…can you hear me?
It’s a male voice. Are you another angel?
The chill was wrapping itself around me, and I feel as if something from here is watching me again, breathing darkness and screaming shadows. I don’t want them to reach me. They’re whispering, and I can hear a woman’s voice. She sounds angry.
‘Get away!’
Hawk, help me…I want to wake up now there’s something here.
‘Nevaeh…open your eyes.’
‘No, I don’t want to, safer this way.’
‘Its okay, I’m all around you, look I’ve pushed them away. No-one is going to hurt you.’
His voice is sweet and drips like honey. I feel as if I know him even though I can’t see him. There’s something about him, something I’ve forgotten.
‘Do I know you? Are you like me?’
‘ Yes’
‘Am I in heaven? Am I dead?’
‘Nevaeh, you cannot die…you were never born.’
‘I don’t understand…’
‘You are a true daughter of Gaia, conceived in thought and delivered for a purpose.’
‘Hawk, did you hear that?’
‘What purpose?’
A feeling traces itself like fingers over my body making me tremble. I feel our souls connecting. His voice makes the chill disappear.
I know without looking that the dark breathing shadow has gone and the warmth of the light bathes my face. I revel in the feel of the grass and nestle into it like a soft blanket.
I feel so much calmer now as if by thinking it makes it okay. It’s this place Hawk; I wish you could see it. I only have one, regret; that Mum and Dad might miss me. My mind is trying to remember. I feel I can do things, create things. Have I been sleeping for a long time? Time doesn’t seem to matter anymore, and a golden winged butterfly is a massive distraction when you’ve got nothing to do. I never noticed how rhythmical they are. How perfectly they dodge through the flowers.
The flowers - OMG you won’t believe the flowers. They’re like this crazy colour and seem to have their own light. I’m surprised I don’t see any of my favourite ones. They’re purple and the ends of the petals curl.
‘Close your eyes and imagine it…’
My heart leaps with happiness, he’s here.
‘Where are you?’
I can hear laughter now of others, and wonder if I’m surrounded by angels. I didn’t tell you before, but I saw one of them when I fell out of the window.
‘Close your eyes Nevaeh…imagine the flower, then open them.’
