Kate informed me, “According to the website of the Yemen Tourism Promotion Board, Yemen is, quote, ‘Arabia’s undiscovered gem, and so little is known about the real Yemen, that when visitors travel across the country, it is almost always a beautiful voyage of discovery.’ ”
“Watch that ‘almost.’ ”
She continued reading: “ ‘Camel racing is one of the old favorite sports of Arabs and of course Yemen, as Yemen is the origin of Arabs.’ ”
“I thought they came from Brooklyn.”
“ ‘Paragliding,’ ” she went on, “ ‘like in the legend of Suleiman and his bird, who cross the Yemen to see the Queen of Sheba, have fun and discover our country by flying above mountains and seas.’ ”
“Like Predator drones.”
“I don’t see anything about that.”
“Al Qaeda ambushes?”
“That might be under trekking and hiking.”
“Right. What’s for dinner?”
“A malaria pill.”
We took our malaria pills and watched a rerun of I Love Lucy. Could the world have been that simple?
CHAPTER TEN
Tom Walsh, as promised, arranged an appointment for Kate and me with the State Department Office of International Affairs for our cultural awareness course. The OIA is right here at 26 Fed, which is convenient, but still sucks.
On Tuesday morning at 8 A.M., we met Mr. Buckminster Harris-where do WASPs get these names? — in a small, windowless conference room. Mr. Harris asked us to call him Buck, and he invited us to sit.
Buckminster Harris was a well-dressed gent of about sixty, and I guessed he’d seen some of the world during his long and I’m sure distinguished career with the State Department. This was probably his last posting before he retired to some genteel WASP enclave in the Northeast where he’d write his memoirs for Yale University Press. Meanwhile, he was stuck with me for the morning, and I with him.
There were apparently only two people going to Yemen this week-Kate and me-so the class was small and intimate. Kate had a notepad, of course, so I didn’t need the one I forgot.
There was a colored map of Yemen on the wall, and on the table were State Department handouts, which I’d be sure not to forget.
Mr. Harris took a seat at the head of the table and began, “So you’re going to Yemen?”
Why else would I be here?
He informed us, “I was there during the civil wars.”
I inquired, “How many were there?”
“A few.”
“Right. Who won?”
“The north,” he said.
“Good. Right?”
“The south was Marxist.”
“Karl or Groucho?”
He chuckled and continued, “The north is tribal, backward, and fundamentalist.”
“Glad the good guys won.”
I thought Buck was going to take me out in the hallway for a scolding, but he smiled and said, “They told me about you.”
Really?
“I understand you’ve been to Yemen.”
“Correct. Short assignment. Back in ’01.”
“Well, nothing there ever changes, except for the worse.”
“Looking forward to seeing that progress.”
He smiled again, then said, “It’s a country you can love and hate at the same time.”
Actually, it’s a country you love to hate. But this was Buck’s class and I wasn’t going to be like those dopey students who spent a month someplace and tried to impress their teachers with their half-assed observations.
Buck continued in his very prep school accent, “The capital of Yemen is Sana’a. South Yemen, also known as Adan, with an A, had its capital in the city of Aden, with an E.”
Also known as the Shithole, with a capital S.
He also let us know, “The country was unified in 1990 after another war that the north won, but there is still a separatist movement in the south, and also a movement to restore the Imam as ruler in Sana’a.”
Kate stopped taking notes and said, “Led by the warlord Hussein al-Houthi.”
Buck was happy to have at least one bright student in the class and smiled. “Yes, very good. I see you’ve done some homework.”
I mean, who gives a rat’s ass? I wasn’t going to Yemen to make friends or discuss politics. I was going there to probably whack some asshole who needed whacking. Sorry-to capture a prime suspect in the
Buck said a few words about the al-Houthi rebels and the tribal warlords. I sort of listened. Warlords are interesting. I’d like to be a warlord.
Buck said, “There are dozens of Bedouin tribes that hold power in their respective regions. And now, to add to the political and social divisions, we have Al Qaeda, who have gained influence in some of the towns and villages.” He concluded, “Yemen is a failed state.”
Right. Not even worth nuking.
Buck recapped the history of Yemen, which was mostly a history of civil wars, revolutions, and invasions. Also, there was a period of British colonial rule in Adan until the 1960s when the British left after another war. Buck said, “You’ll see some vestiges of British rule in the south. Like a statue of Queen Victoria in Aden, which the Yemenis have left standing for some reason.” He added, “She is often veiled by fundamentalists.”
I actually saw that when I was there. I thought it was a statue of Elton John in drag.
Buck continued, “When the British left, South Yemen became Marxist-the only Communist Arab country in the world.” He added, “You’ll also see some vestiges of the Soviet presence in Aden during this period, such as ugly architecture, black-market vodka, and a Russian nightclub that features Russian strippers and prostitutes.”
Address?
Buck continued, “During this period, there were a series of wars between the north and south, alternating with reunification talks. With the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Russians left and unification was achieved, but then the south changed its mind and waged a new war of secession, which failed and led to the present reunification.”
Who’s on first?
Buck further informed us, “I was in Sana’a and Aden during this period. It was a very bloody time and the scars remain.” He added, “Yemenis have become used to war, which has led to a sort of national psychosis, and which is why Yemen is an armed camp.”
I glanced at Kate, who seemed to be getting that Yemen wasn’t the Switzerland of the Mideast.
Buck continued, “During the first Gulf War, Yemen sided with Saddam Hussein, which annoyed their large and powerful neighbor of Saudi Arabia. The Saudis retaliated by expelling a few hundred thousand Yemeni guest workers.”
Who are now in Brooklyn.
Buck continued, “The Saudis and Yemenis are currently engaged in a border dispute.” He explained, “They share a long border including the area of Ar Rub al Khali, what is called the Empty Quarter, an uninhabited expanse of scorching desert and shifting sands.” He added, “This area includes the border province of the Hadhramawt,
