You Against Me

Ellie wondered briefly if she had concussion. Maybe Stacey had given her brain damage.

She wrote her name on the top of the sheet and underlined it. The ink was blue.

Then she looked at the secretaries, two of them busy on their computers, completely ignoring her. Out in the foyer, a pale boy sat on a bench, his coat on his lap. Beyond the doors, the playground had emptied out, excitement over, classes resumed.

She should be in Art. It was the one thing she’d been looking forward to.

She looked back down at the paper. It reminded her of the police station, of the two detectives behind the desk. Good cop, bad cop. All the questions they’d asked. Where were you? No, where exactly? Who was your brother with? What time was this? All we need is the truth, Ellie.

Well, the truth was that she had nothing further to add. She scrawled this in big letters across the clean page, then she stood up and walked out of the office. One of the secretaries glanced up and looked straight back down. Ellie was evidently too much hassle for her. The boy in the foyer winced as she walked by. Maybe she should whack him, give him a reason to be afraid. What would happen to her then? How bad could she get?

She walked across the empty playground, her shoes scuffing the tarmac. She unzipped her coat, raked her hair until it was wild, undid her top shirt button and rolled her skirt high, so the breeze swirled her thighs. Everything seemed more than it usually did – the earth lit with sun so bright, a single seagull circling low over the river.

She stood on the bridge. She was different from earlier. The rush of badness was thrilling, like something had found a voice. She felt alive. Not a mermaid. Not someone who combed their hair all day and sat on a frigging rock. She mentally torched that image, watched all the scales catch fire and shimmer silver before sinking beneath the water.

She’d emerge as Phoenix from the X-Men movie – the one with the red eyes, so angry that she’s off the scale, able to destroy the universe with the power of her mind.

And if she was Phoenix, then anything could happen next.

Eleven

They got dressed side by side. There was something medical about it, like they’d both just been checked over by a doctor. Mikey finished first and sat on the edge of the bed watching Sienna pull her shoes on. When she was done, she sat down next to him.

‘What are you thinking?’ she asked.

He was thinking about giraffes. He’d watched a pair of them shagging in a zoo once. The male was really desperate, scrabbling up high on his ridiculous legs. He kept sliding down and the female kept moving away, munching on a twig as if she hadn’t even noticed. He’d thought sex would be like that – some girl gritting her teeth and him just getting on with it. And sometimes it was.

He wondered what Sienna would do if he didn’t say anything, how long she’d last. He stole a look at her. Her hair was messy and her eye make-up was smudged. It was like looking at a stranger. Who are you? he thought. Who have I just spent the last hour with?

In the end she grabbed hold of his T-shirt and gave it a tug. ‘Don’t you fancy me any more?’

‘I’m meeting a mate.’

‘It’s your morning off.’

He tapped his nose. ‘We’ve got runnings.’

‘What does that mean?’

She reached out to stroke him, but he shook her off and went over to the window. He looked down at the road below, willing Jacko to hurry up.

‘So you shag me and then run away?’

Anger prickled under his skin. Why were women on at him all the time?

She folded her arms at him. ‘I think you’re pathetic.’

He sighed, checked his phone for messages. Two texts. He hadn’t heard them arrive – must’ve been when he was in the middle of things with Sienna. One from Jacko saying he was outside and the other from an unknown number. He opened it up.

Still want to get to know me better?

Whoa! He absolutely wasn’t expecting that!

‘Who is it?’ Sienna moved to see, but Mikey held the phone away from her.

He texted, Does this mean u like me?

‘Serious,’ Sienna said. ‘Who’s it from?’

She got up and tried to grab the phone from him, but he held it higher. ‘It’s private, all right?’

She flung herself back on the bed and pulled the duvet over her face.

‘I told you I couldn’t be with you all day,’ he said.

A reply. Ur ok.

He grinned, texted back, Only ok?

He put the phone away. Days had passed and nothing – he’d almost stopped thinking she was real. He leaned over and patted Sienna through the duvet.

‘Got to go.’

She yanked the duvet from her face and glared at him. He grabbed his tobacco and lighter from the table and held his hand out.

‘Come on, let’s have a smoke outside before I go.’

Jacko was down in the road sitting on the roof of his car. He gave them the thumbs-up as they appeared at the door.

Mikey leaned over the railing. ‘Be with you in a minute, just having a smoke.’

‘Have a good time up there?’

Sienna scowled. ‘You gonna let him talk like that?’

‘He doesn’t mean it badly.’

Jacko chuckled as he slid off the roof, opened the door of his car and got out a duster. He rubbed lovingly at the windscreen, then bent down to do the same to the mirrors.

‘Look at him,’ Sienna said. ‘All he thinks about is sex and cars.’

‘He’s a bloke.’

‘He looks at me funny.’

‘He fancies you.’

Mikey thought that’d make her feel better, but it didn’t seem to.

She frowned at him. ‘Will I see you later?’

‘I can’t.’

‘We could go out.’

‘I’ve got work, then I’ve got to get shopping.’

‘I’ll come with you.’

‘No.’

‘I’ll come to the flat later – you can introduce me to your sister.’

‘She doesn’t want to see anyone.’

Sienna glowered at him. ‘Have you even asked her? She might like a visitor.’

‘She’s got plenty of mates who are up for the job if she does.’

‘Why won’t you let me help you? You don’t have to do this all by yourself, you know.’

But he did. Karyn and Holly belonged to him and he belonged to them. He was the only brother they had.

‘I don’t think this is working,’ Sienna said. ‘I don’t actually understand the point of you.’

Good call.

Sometimes Mikey fantasized about drowning – pretending to at least. Leaving his jacket and phone on some beach and swimming away. He could be anyone. He could start again. Do it better next time. He chucked his fag on the ground and stamped it out.