could he go back on his resolution to humble this God of the Jews, who alone of all Gods in the world continued to oppose him?
At last Caligula spoke. He said, mildly, almost beseechingly, as though he counted on Herod to help him out of his dilemma: `I don't understand, dearest Herod. How do you suppose that the granting of this boon will benefit me?'
Herod had worked the whole thing out in detail before ever he sat down to table. He replied with seeming earnestness: `Because, Caesar, to place your sacred statue in the Temple at Jerusalem would not redound to your own glory at all. Oh, quite to the contrary! Are you aware of the nature of the statue that is now kept in the innermost shrine of the Temple, and the rites which are performed about it on holy days? No? Then listen and you will at once understand that what you have regarded as wicked obstinacy among my co-religionists is no more than a loyal desire not to injure your Majesty. The God of the Jews, Caesar, is an extra ordinary fellow. He has been described as an anti-God. He has a rooted aversion to statues, particularly to statues of majestic bearing and dignified workmanship like those of the Greek Gods. In order to symbolize his hatred for other divinities he has ordered the erection, in this inner shrine, of a large, crude, and ludicrous statue of an Ass. It has long ears, huge teeth, and enormous genitals, and on every holy day the priests abuse this statue with the vilest incantations and bespatter it with the most loathsome excrement and offal and then wheel it on a carriage around the Inner Court for the whole congregation to abuse similarly; so that the whole Temple stinks like the Great Sewer. It is a secret ceremony. No non-Jews are admitted to it and the Jews themselves are not allowed to speak about it under penalty of a curse. Besides, they are ashamed. You understand everything now, don't you? The leading Jews are afraid that if your statue were erected in the Temple it would cause profound misunderstandings; that in their religious fanaticism the common people would subject it to the gravest indignities, while thinking to honour you by their zeal. But, as I say, natural delicacy and the holy silence imposed on them have prevented them from explaining to our friend Petronius why they would rather die than allow him to put your orders into execution. It is lucky that I am here to tell you what they are unable to tell: I am only a Jew on my mother's side, so that perhaps frees me from the curse. In any case I am risking it, for your sake.'
Caligula drank all this in with perfect credulity and even I was half-convinced by Herod's gravity. All that Caligula said was: `If the fools had been, as frank with me as you have been, my dearest Herod, it would have saved us all a lot of trouble. You don't think that Petronius has yet carried out my orders?'
`I hope for your sake that he has not,' Herod replied.
So Caligula wrote Petronius a short letter: `If you have already put my Statue in the Temple, as I ordered, let it stand; but see that the rites are closely supervised by armed Roman soldiers. If not, disband your army and forget about the matter. On the advice of King Herod Agrippa, I have come to the conclusion that the Temple in question is an extremely unsuitable place for my Sacred Statue to be erected.'
This letter crossed with the one Petronius had written. Caligula was furious that Petronius should dare to write as he did, attempting to make him change his mind on mere grounds of humanity.
He replied: Since you appear to value the bribes of the Jews more highlythan. my
Imperial Will, my advice to you is to kill yourself quickly and painlessly before I make such an example of you, as will horrify all future ages.'
As it happened, Caligula's second letter arrived late - the ship lost its mainmast between Rhodes and Cyprus and lay disabled for several days - so that the news of Caligula's death arrived at Caesarea first. Petronius almost embraced Judaism, he was so relieved.
This ends the first part of the story of Herod Agrippa, but you shall hear the rest as I continue to tell my own.
Chapter 5
So here we are back again at the point where I was being carried round the great court of the Palace on the shoulders of two corporals of the Guard, with the Household Battalion of Germans crowding about me and dedicating their assegais to my service. Eventually I prevailed on the corporals to put me down and on four Germans to fetch my sedan. They brought it and I climbed into it. I was told that they had decided to take me to the Guards' Camp at the other side of the City, where I would be protected from possible attempts at assassination. I was beginning to protest again when I saw a glint of colour at the back of the crowd. A purple-sleeved arm was waving at me in a peculiar circular motion which brought back memories of my schooldays. I said to the soldiers: `I think I see King Herod Agrippa. If he wishes to speak to me, let him come through at once.'
When Caligula was murdered Herod had not been far off. He had followed us out of the theatre but had been led aside by one of the conspirators, who pretended that he wished him to speak to Caligula about some favour. So Herod did not witness the actual murder. If I knew him as well as think I did, he would certainly have saved Caligula's life by some trick or other; and now when he came upon the dead body he showed his gratitude for past favours in no uncertain terms. He embraced it, all bloody as it was, and carried it tenderly in his own arms into the Palace, where he laid it on the Imperial bed. He even sent out for surgeons, as though Caligula was not really dead and had a chance of recovery.
He then left the Palace by another door and hurried round to the theatre again, where he prompted Mnester, the actor; to make his famous speech, the one which reassured the excited Germans and prevented them from massacring the audience in vengeance for their master's death. Then back he darted to the Palace. When he heard there what had happened to me he came boldly into the court to see whether he could be of any service. I must admit that the sight of Herod's crooked smile - one corner of the mouth turned up, the other down - heartened me considerably.
His first words were: `Congratulations, Caesar, on your election: may you long enjoy the great honours that these brave soldiers have bestowed on you, and may I have the glory of being your first ally!' The soldiers cheered lustily. Then, coming close to me and clasping my hand tightly in his, he began talking earnestly in Phoenician, a language with which he knew I was acquainted because of my researches into the history of Carthage, but which none of the soldiers would understand. He gave me no opportunity of interrupting him. `Listen to me, Claudius. I know what you are feeling. I know that you don't really want to be Emperor, but for all our sakes,. as well as your own, don't be a fool. Don't let slip what the Gods, have given you of their own accord. I can guess what you are thinking. You have some crazy idea of yielding up your power to the Senate as soon as the soldiers let you go. That would be madness; it would be the signal for civil war. The Senate are a flock of sheep, but there are three or four wolves among them who are ready, the moment you lay down your power, to fight for it among, themselves. There's Asiaticus for a start, not to mention Vinicius. They were both in the conspiracy, so: they are likely to do something desperate for fear of being executed. Vinicius thinks himself a Caesar already because of his marriage with your niece Lesbia. He'll recall her from banishment and they'll make a very strong combination. If it's not Asiaticus or Vinicius it will be someone else, probably Vinicianus. You are the only obvious Emperor for Rome and you'll have the armies solidly behind you. If you won't take on the responsibility because of some absurd prejudice it will be the ruin of everything. That's all I'll say. Think it over and keep up your spirits!' Then he turned and shouted to the soldiers, `Romans, I congratulate you too. You could not have made a wiser choice. Your new Emperor is courageous, generous, learned, and just. You can trust him as completely as you trusted his glorious brother Germanicus. Don't let yourselves be fooled with the Senate or by any of your Colonels. Stick by the Emperor Claudius and he'll stick by you. The safest place for him is in your camp. I have just been advising him to pay you well for your loyalty.' With these words he disappeared.
They carried me in my sedan towards their camp, going at a jog trot. As soon as one chairman showed any signs of flagging his place was taken by another. The Germans ran shouting ahead. I sat quite numb, self-possessed but never so blankly miserable in all my life before. With Herod gone the outlook seemed hopeless again. We had just reached the Sacred Way at the foot of the Palatine Hill when messengers came hurrying along it to intercept us and protest against my usurpation of the monarchy. The messengers were two `Protectors of the People'. (This office was a survival from the middle days of the Republic, when the Protectors maintained the rights of the common people against the tyrannous encroachments of the nobility: their persons were inviolate and, though they claimed no legislative power, they had forced from the nobles the right to veto any act of the Senate which displeased them. But Augustus and his two Imperial successors had also adopted the title of `Protector of the People', with its prerogatives; so that the real ones, though they continued to be elected and to perform certain functions under Imperial direction, had lost their original importance.) It seemed clear that the Senate had chosen these messengers not only as an indication that all Rome was behind them in their protest, but also because their inviolateness of person would protect them from any hostility on the part of my men.
