perhaps a Watchman or two, and their own household slaves masquerading as soldiers, under the command of sword-fighters from the amphitheatre! That's rich, eh? As a matter of fact, what I have come to tell the Emperor I can say in front of you all. They have now sent him a delegation of Protectors of the People, because, you see, there is not a single one of their own number who dares come himself: the Emperor is going to be asked to submit himself to the Senate's authority, and if he doesn't, why then they'll make him. What do you think of that? I came along with them after promising the Senate that I'd give the Emperor a few words of disinterested advice. I am now going to keep my promise.' He turned sharply round again and addressed me. `Caesar, my advice is, be rough with them! Stamp on the worms and watch them wriggle.'
I said stiffly: 'My friend King Herod, you seem to forget that I Am a Roman and that the powers even of an Emperor depend constitutionally on the will of the Senate. If the Senate' sends me a message which I am able to answer politely and submissively I shall not fail to do so.'
`Have it your own way,' Herod answered with a shrug, `but they won't treat you any the better for it. Constitutionally, eh? I must bow of course to your superior authority as an antiquarian, but has the word 'constitution' any practical meaning to-day?'
Then the two Protectors were admitted. They repeated what the, Senate had asked them to say, in a mechanical and unpersuasive duet. I was desired to do nothing by violence, but to yield without further hesitation to the power of the Senate. I was reminded of the dangers that they and I had escaped under the late Emperor and begged to commit no act that could be a cause of fresh public disasters.
The sentence about the dangers that they and I had escaped under Caligula was repeated three times in all, because first one of them made a mistake, and then the other went to his rescue, and then the first one said it all over again. I said, rather testily: `Yes, that verse occurred once before, I think,' and quoted the Homeric tag that is found so often in the Odyssey:
Glad from death's peril to have won scot-free - Our comrades not so fortunate as we.
Herod was delighted with this. He recited comically: 'Our comrades not so fortunate as we,' and then whispered to the Colonels: `That's the point. All that they really care about is their own dirty hides.'
The Protectors of the People grew flustered and went on gabbling their message like a brace of ducks. If I resigned the supreme power that had been unconstitutionally awarded me, they said, the Senate promised to vote me the greatest honours that a free people could bestow. But I must place myself unreservedly in their hands. If, on the contrary, I acted foolishly and persisted in my refusal to attend the House, I would have. the armed forces of the City sent against me, and once I was captured I need expect no mercy.
The Colonels crowded round the two Protectors with such threatening looks and mutterings that they hastily explained that they were only repeating what had been put into their mouths by the Senate, and that personally they wished to assure me that I was the only proper person, in their opinion, to rule the Empire. They begged us to remember that in their quality both as ambassadors of the Senate and as Protectors of the People their persons were inviolate, and not to do them any indignity. Then they said: 'And the Consuls privately gave us a second message that we were to give you in case our first doesn't please you.'
I wondered what this second message could be.
`Caesar,' they answered, 'we were ordered to tell you that if you do want the monarchy you must accept it as the Senate's gift and not as the gift of the Guards.'
That made me laugh outright: it was the first time that I had so much as smiled since Caligula's assassination. I asked, `Is that all, or is there a third message in case I don't like the second?'
`No, there is nothing more, Caesar,' they answered humbly.
'Well,' I said, still much amused, `tell the Senate that I don't blame them for not wanting another Emperor. The last one somehow lacked the gift of endearing himself to his people. But, on the other hand, the Imperial Guards insist on making me Emperor, and the officers have already sworn their allegiance to me and forced me to accept it - so what can I do? You may carry the Senate my respectful compliments and tell them that I shall do nothing unconstitutional' - here I looked defiantly at Herod - `and that they can, trust me not to deceive them. I acknowledge their authority, but at the same time I must remind them that I am in no position to oppose the wishes of my military advisers.'
So the Protectors were dismissed, and very glad they were to get away alive. Herod said: `That was all right, but you would have done much better to have spoken firmly, as I suggested. You are only delaying matters.'
When Herod had gone, the Colonels told me that, they expected me to pay every Guardsman 150 gold pieces as a bounty on my accession, and 500 gold pieces each to the Captains. As to what I should pay the Colonels, I could please myself. `Would you be satisfied with ten thousand apiece?' I joked. We agreed on 2,000, and then they asked me to appoint one of themselves in the place of Caligula's Commander, who had taken part in the conspiracy and was now apparently attending the meeting of the Senate.
`Choose whomever you like,' I said, indifferently.
So they chose the Senior Colonel, who was called Rufrius Pollius. Then I had to go out and make an announcement about the bounty from the tribunal platform and receive 'the oaths of allegiance from each company of soldiers in turn. I was also asked to announce that the same bounty would be paid to the regiments stationed on the Rhine, in the Balkans, in Syria, in Africa, and in all other parts of the Empire. I was the more willing to do this because I knew that there were arrears of pay owing everywhere, except among the Rhine troops, whom Caligula had paid with the money stolen from the French. The swearing of allegiance took hours, for every man had to repeat the oath, and there were 12,000 of them; and then the City Watchmen came into the camp and insisted on doing the same, and then sailors of the Imperial Navy came crowding up from Ostia. It seemed endless.
When the Senate received my message they adjourned until midnight. The motion for adjournment was made by Sentius and seconded by the senator who had pulled the ring off his finger. As soon as it was voted they hurried out and back to their houses, where they packed up a few belongings and drove out of the City to their country estates: they realized the insecurity of their position. Midnight came and the Senate met, but what a thin House it was. Hardly a hundred members were present, and even these were in a panic. The officers of the City Battalions were present, however, and as soon as proceedings opened, bluntly asked the Senate to give them an Emperor. It was the only hope for the City, they said.
Herod was quite right: the man who first offered himself as Emperor was Vinicius. He seemed to have a few supporters, including his rat-like cousin Vinicianus, but not many, and he was snubbed by the Consuls. They did not even put the motion to the House that the monarchy should be offered to him. As Herod had also foreseen, Asiaticus then came forward as a candidate. But Vinicius rose and asked whether anyone present took the suggestion seriously. A wrangle followed and blows were exchanged. Vinicianus came off with a bloody nose and had to lie down until the flow ceased. The Consuls had difficulty in restoring order. Then news was brought that the Watchmen and Sailors had joined the Guards at the-Camp, and, the sword-fighters too (I forgot just now to mention the sword-fighters); so Vinicius and Asiaticus both withdrew their candidatures. Nobody else came forward, The meeting broke up into small groups talking anxiously together in whispers. At dawn Cassius Chaerea, Aquila, Lupus, and The Tiger entered. Cassius attempted to speak. He began by referring to the splendid restoration, of the Republic. At this there were angry shouts from the officers of the City Battalions.
`Forget about the Republic, Cassius. We've decided now to, have an Emperor, and if the Consuls don't give us one pretty soon, and a good one too, that's the last they'll see of us. We'll go to the Camp and join Claudius.'
One of the Consuls said nervously, looking at Cassius for support: 'No, we're not quite agreed yet about appointing an Emperor. Our last resolution - carried unanimously - was that the Republic was now restored. Cassius didn't kill Caligula merely for the sake of a change of Emperors did you, Cassius? - but because he wished to give us back our ancient liberties.'
Cassius sprang to his feet, white with passion, and cried: `Romans, I for one refuse to tolerate another Emperor. If another Emperor were appointed I should not hesitate to do to him as I did to Gaius Caligula.'
`Don't talk nonsense,' the City officers told him. `There's no harm in an Emperor, if he's a good one. We were all very well off under Augustus.'
Cassius said, `I'll give you a good Emperor, then, if you promise to bring me the watchword from him - I'll give you Eutychus.' You may remember that Eutychus was one of Caligula's `Scouts'. He was the best charioteer in Rome and drove for the Leek Green faction in the Circus. Cassius was reminding them of the fatigues that Caligula had forced the City troops to do for him, such as building stables for his race-horses and cleaning them out when they were in use, under Eutychus's fussy and arrogant supervision. 'I suppose you enjoy going down on your knees
