and scrubbing the muck from a stable floor at the orders of an Emperor's favourite charioteer'
One of the Colonels sneered: `You talk very big, Cassius, but you're afraid of Claudius, none the less. Admit it.'
'I afraid of Claudius?' Cassius shouted. `If the Senate told me to go to the Camp and bring his head back, I'd cheerfully do so I can't understand you people. It amazes me that after having been ruled for four years by a madman you should be ready to commit the government to an idiot.'
But Cassius could not convince the officers. They left the Senate without another word, assembled their men in the Market Place under the company' banners and marched out to the Camp to swear allegiance to me. The Senate, or what remained of the Senate, was now left alone and unprotected. Everyone, I am told, began reproaching his neighbours, and all pretence of devotion to the failing Republican cause vanished. If a single man of them had shown himself courageous it would have been something: I should have felt less ashamed of my country. I had long suspected the veracity of certain of the heroic legends of ancient Rome related by the historian Livy, and on hearing of this scene in the Senate I , even began to have doubts about my favourite passage, the one describing the fortitude of the senators of old after the disaster of the River Allia, when the Celts were advancing on the City and all hope of defending the walls was gone. Livy tells how the young men of military age, with their wives and children, withdrew into the Citadel after getting in a store of arms and provisions, resolved to hold out to the last; But the old men, who could be only an encumbrance to the besieged, remained behind' and awaited death, wearing senatorial robes and seated in chairs of office in the porticoes of their houses, their ivory rods of office grasped firmly in their hands. When I was a boy, old Athenodorus made me memorize all this and I have never forgotten it
The halls of the patricians stood open and the invaders gazed with feelings of true awe upon the seated figures in the porticoes, impressed not only by the superhuman magnificence of their apparel and trappings but also by their majestic bearing and the serene expression that their countenances wore: they seemed very Gods. So they stood marvelling, as at so many divine statues, until, as the legend tells, one of them began gently to stroke the beard of a patrician, by name Marcus Papirius - beards in those days were universally worn long - who rose and smote him on the head with his ivory staff. Admiration yielded to passion and Marcus Papirius was the first patrician to meet his death. The rest were butchered, still seated in their chairs.
Certainly Livy was a fine writer. He wrote to persuade men to virtue by his inspiring, though unhistorical, tales of Rome's greatness in times past. But no, he had not been particularly successful in his persuasions, I reflected.
Even Cassius, Lupus, and The Tiger were quarrelling now. The Tiger swore that, he would rather kill himself than consent to salute me as Emperor and see slavery return.
Cassius said, You don't mean what you say; and it's not yet time to talk like that.'
The Tiger shouted angrily: `You too, Cassius Chaerea? Are you going to fail us now? You love your life too well, I think. You claim that you planned the whole assassination, but who struck the first- blow - you or I?'
'I did,' said Cassius promptly, `and I struck him from in front, not from behind. As for loving my life, who but a fool doesn't? I am certainly not going to lay it down unnecessarily. If I had followed Varus's example that day in the Teutoburger forest, more than thirty years ago - if I had killed myself because all hope seemed gone, who would have brought the eighty survivors back and held the Germans in play until Tiberius arrived with his army of relief ? No, I loved life that day. And now it is quite possible that Claudius will decide, after all, to resign the monarchy. His answer was quite consistent with such an intention: he's idiot enough for anything, and as nervous as a cat. Until I know definitely that he is not going to do so I shall continue to live.'
By this time the Senate had dissolved, and Cassius, Lupus, and The Tiger were left arguing in the deserted vestibule. When Cassius looked round and saw that they were alone he burst into a cackle of laughter.
`It's absurd for us, of all people, to quarrel,' he said. `Tiger, let's have some breakfast. You too, Lupus! Come on, you Lupus!'
I was having breakfast too, after only an hour or so of uninterrupted sleep, when I was informed that the Consuls and the diehard Republican senators who had attended the midnight meeting had now arrived in Camp to pay their homage to me and offer their congratulations. The Colonels showed their satisfaction with an ironical 'They have come too early: let them wait.' Sleeplessness had made me very irritable.. I said that, for my part, I was in no mood to receive them: I liked men who clung courageously to their opinions. I tried to dismiss the senators from my mind and went on eating my breakfast. But Herod, who seemed to be everywhere at once throughout those two eventful days, saved their lives. The Germans, who were drunk and quarrelsome, had caught up their assegais and were on the point of killing them, and they were down on their knees yelling for mercy. The Guards made no attempt to interfere; Herod had to use my name to bring the Germans to their senses. He came into the breakfast-room as soon as he had put the rescued senators into a place of safety and said in a bantering voice: `Excuse me, Caesar, but I didn't expect you to take my advice about stamping on the Senate quite so seriously. You must treat the poor fellows with more gentleness. If any mischief happens to them, where are you going to rake up such a marvellously subservient crew again?'
It was becoming increasingly difficult for me now to sustain my Republican convictions. What a farcical situation - myself, the only true anti-monarchist, forced to act as monarch! On Herod's advice I summoned the Senate to meet me at the Palace. The officers made no difficulty about my leaving Camp. The whole Guards Division came with me as escort, nine battalions marching ahead of me and three marching in the rear, followed by the rest of my troops, the Palace Guard being in the van. Then a most embarrassing incident occurred. Cassius and The Tiger, having had their breakfast, joined the parade and put themselves at the head of the Palace Guard with Lupus between them. I knew nothing about this myself because the vanguard was far out of sight of my sedan. The Palace Guard,, accustomed to obey Cassius and The Tiger, concluded that they were acting under the orders of Rufrius, the new Guards Commander, though as a matter of fact Rufrius had sent these two a message informing them that they were deprived of their command. The spectators were mystified, and when they understood that the two were acting in deliberate disobedience of orders they made a scandal of it. One of the Protectors of the People came running down the column to inform me what was happening. I did not in the least know what to say or do. But I could not let this act of bravado pass unnoticed: they were defying Rufrius's order and my authority too.
When we reached the Palace I asked Herod and Vitellius and Rufrius and Messalina (who greeted me with the greatest delight) to consult with me at once as to what action I should take. The troops were drawn up outside the Palace - Cassius, Lupus, and The Tiger still with them, speaking together in loud, confident tones, but shunned by all the other officers. I opened the consultation by remarking that although Caligula had been my nephew and although I had promised his father, my dear brother Germanicus, to care for and protect him, I could not find it in me to blame Cassius for the murder. Caligula had invited assassination in a thousand ways. I said, too, that Cassius had a military record unequalled by that of any other officer in. the Army, and that if I could be sure that he had struck the blow from such lofty, motives as had, for example, animated the second Brutus, I would be very ready to pardon him. But what really had been his motives
Rufrius spoke first. `Cassius says now that he struck the blow in the name of Liberty, but the fact is that what encouraged him to strike the blow was an injury to his own dignity Caligula's constant teasing of him by giving him comic and indecent watchwords.'
Vitellius said: `And if it had been a sudden strong resentment that overcame him some excuse could be made, but the conspiracy was planned days and even months beforehand. The murder was done in cold blood.'
Messalina said: `And are you forgetting that it was not an ordinary murder that he committed, but a breach of his most solemn oath of unquestioning loyalty to his Emperor? For this he has no right to be allowed to live. If he were an honest man he would now already have fallen on his own sword.'
Herod said: `And are you forgetting that Cassius sent Lupus to murder you, and the Lady Messalina too? If you, let him go free the City will conclude that you are afraid of him.'
I sent for Cassius and said to him: `Cassius Chaerea, you are a man accustomed to obey orders. I am now your Commander-in-Chief, whether I like it or not; and you must obey my orders, whether you like them or not. My decision is as follows: If you had done as Brutus did, killing a tyrant for the common good although you loved him personally, I should have applauded you; though I should have expected you, since you had broken your solemn oath of fidelity by that act, to die by your own hand. But you planned the murder (and carried it out boldly where others hung back) because of feelings of personal resentment; and such motives cannot earn my praise. Moreover, I understand that on no authority but your own you sent Lupus to murder the Lady Caesonia and my wife the Lady
