the truth—I had completely average non-perverted milk and white-bread-toast sexual desires—I assumed I wasn’t being kinky enough. I searched out even more extreme situations, and got progressively more unhappy.
There’s something you need to know about orgies. You WILL make physical contact with a naked guy. That’s fine if you’re homosexual or bi. I learned the hard (I’m using this word ironically) way that it’s not so good if you’re straight. It took a lot of mistakes and unpleasant experiences for me to understand that more often than not the forbidden isn’t forbidden because it’s exotic and cool—it’s forbidden because it’s disgusting.
I’ve always been proud of my intelligence. Looking back, I am still amazed by how stupid I was. I wish I’d learned earlier that I had so many blind spots.
There are always a few exceptions (i.e. men who keep journals and write poetry) but most men have never spent any time thinking about who they are or what they want.
If you have a goal, it helps to know who you are. It’s almost impossible to improve at anything if you don’t know your starting point. If you want to become a better skier, it helps to have a realistic idea of what your skills are. If you’re an intermediate level skier, you’re wasting your time taking beginner’s lessons. If you enroll in an expert class, you’ll probably get hurt or at minimum annoy the hell out of your classmates and instructor.
Try to be honest and ask yourself the following question. Am I funny? If your answer to this question is yes, ask yourself a follow up question. Do I laugh after I tell a joke? If the answer to this question is also yes, then I’m sorry but you’re probably not funny.
Really funny people smile or grin after they tell a joke. They listen to their audience laugh. Most of the people who laugh at their own jokes are subconsciously trying to hide from the deafening roar of silence coming from the people around them. It’s awesome when you’re trying to pick up women to have humor in your quiver. But if you’re not funny and you mistakenly think you are, you’re walking into battle unarmed. If your goal is to get used to rejection, great—if your goal is to actually get a date, not so great.
If you really think you’re funny, see if reality confirms your opinion. Try humor to pick up a girl. If you succeed, you are funny. If you don’t, you aren’t. You can cling to your delusions and never learn anything or you can accept the truth and find another weapon.
I’m going to assume that most of you reading this book haven’t spent all that much time thinking about who you are and what you want. Most of you will be beginners at introspection. By definition, beginners suck. You will be wrong about almost everything. But you have to start somewhere. You have to make mistakes to become better.
We men like to talk about how crazy women are. And in many ways we’re right. It’s unfortunate but human beings tend to be crazy, and men are just as insane as women in our own special ways. It’s extremely unusual for an ugly woman to believe she’s hot. It’s not all that unusual (I know from personal experience) for an unattractive guy to believe he’s attractive. The vast majority of men who believe they’re God’s gift to women are honestly wrong.
You may not be as delusional as some, but you will still have delusions; we all do. For example, you may truly believe you’re strong minded and independent, but if you haven’t seen your friends for two months because your girlfriend always has plans, reality is telling you that you’re weak-minded and whipped.
You may believe inner beauty is more important than outer beauty, but if after a few dates you keep losing interest in girls with great personalities, you’re more superficial than you thought.
Let’s all agree that it’s a complete waste of time to do the same thing over and over again and always expect a different result. You can’t fix a problem unless you know you have a problem. You can’t learn from a mistake unless you know you’ve made a mistake. Ask yourself who you are, answer the question as honestly as you can, and let reality and life teach you whether you’re right or wrong. Know thyself and potentially every aspect of your life will improve, not just your ability to pick up women.
Chapter 3: Harness the power of truth
All girls, even the smoking hot ones, are human beings. All human beings like sincerity. Great players are incredibly good at faking sincerity. It takes no skills at all to be truly sincere. It takes a lot of natural talent and years of experience to act sincere.
It’s a generally a waste of time and energy to lie to girls. “But”, you reply, “I’ve tried the truth and it doesn’t work!”
I answer, “Yes Grasshopper, I know. You’ve been making the mistake of telling bad truths. You need to start using good truths.”
Truth is like cholesterol. There’s LDL, the bad cholesterol that clogs up your arteries and causes heart attacks. There’s HDL, the good cholesterol that protects your arteries and helps you live a longer and healthier life. Tell the truth and be sincere, but use the good truth, not the bad one.
The most common pickup lines reference a woman’s looks: ‘You’re so beautiful!’; ‘I’m so attracted to you’; ‘Are you a model?’ We all know these lines don’t work that well. Yes, it’s true you wouldn’t be approaching the girl if you weren’t attracted to her, but it’s a truth that’s going to repel her.
The first time you see a girl, the only way to evaluate her is through her external physical characteristics. Get to know her and her beauty will increase or decrease based on whether or not you like her. If she’s really cool, she’ll get better looking, and if she’s a complete bitch, she’ll become less attractive. The way you feel about someone affects how attractive they are.
Women experience this effect much more strongly than men. If a woman likes a girl, she’ll honestly describe her friend as being good-looking, even though she’s not. This doesn’t happen to men. If your best friend is ugly, he’ll stay ugly no matter how much you like him. You’ll see gorgeous women with ugly men all the time. That woman’s with that guy because he has some inner quality (money, fame, confidence, humor) that makes him attractive.
Women instinctively understand that first impressions are fleeting. You may think a girl is super hot the first time you see her, but that’s going to change for the better or worse as you get to know her. They may not be able to articulate this, but they know that just because you think they’re attractive now isn’t going to guarantee that this will be true in a few weeks.
Women who have nothing to offer besides beauty are almost always insecure for a really good reason; when it comes to physical attraction, it’s all about, ‘What have you done for me lately?’ No matter how beautiful a woman is, if that’s all she has, our eyes will eventually wander. If you’re good with women, it will happen quickly. If you’re a loser, it may take years but it will happen. Every smoking hot woman has an ex-boyfriend who got tired of her shit.
Try a thought experiment. Say you’re taller than average. Imagine that every girl you meet tells you, “Wow you’re tall.” The first couple of times this happens you might take it as a compliment. After a couple hundred times, you’ll just shrug. After it happens a thousand times, it’s going to get annoying.
That gorgeous girl you’re trying to pick up has been told thousands of times by thousands of guys that she’s beautiful. Being Mr. Just-Another-Bozo-With-The-Same-Damn-Line isn’t going to get you far.
Most women will automatically give their friends slack. All their girlfriends are ‘cute’ but they tend to be viciously honest about their own looks. If you tell a woman who’s not beautiful that she’s beautiful as a pickup line, she’ll know you’re lying and will judge you accordingly.
You never tell a woman she’s beautiful when you’re trying to get her number. Once you start dating her, if you’re smart, you’ll then tell her she’s beautiful as often as possible. If you’re actually dating someone, you know her and she knows you. If you still think she’s gorgeous, it’s because you like all of her—not just her looks; now it’s a true compliment. Women love true compliments.
Okay, now that I’ve shot down all your old pickup lines, what’s your new line?
This is where you go back to the basics. Who are you? It doesn’t make any sense to pickup a girl with a line that doesn’t fit your personality. Don’t use a humorous line if you’re not funny. On your first date, she’ll quickly figure out the truth and she’ll be disappointed. Even though you haven’t actually lied to her, you misrepresented who you are. That’s not the way you want to start a relationship.
If you are in fact funny and you’re no longer afraid to approach women, try something like this: all throughout college and into my postgraduate one of my favorite places to meet women was in libraries. I had to study anyway, so it was nice being able to kill two birds with one stone.
