So now there's only one more step to get the marriage equation: the setting of the wedding date. You know you want it, so here's what you do: get some requirements and standards and enforce them tell him, I love you, you love me, we're in a terri.c relationship one that I've always dreamed about. And what I want now is to be married to you. So I need you to set a date, and get back to me in a couple of weeks. If I don't get asked by then, then please know I'm not sitting around waiting for you to dictate when my happiness button gets pushed. The arrangements we have now are not making me happy.
What? This is a perfectly reasonable request. Otherwise, how long are you going to stay in the arrangement where you're not getting what you want four years? Ten years? Forever?
The timeline is yours; stop giving up your power. The moment we see you're willing to put aside your hopes of walking down the aisle, we're going to shelve it, too. And we're going to go on ahead and keep on renting you out, with the option to buy if you let us. Don't be the Baltic Avenue on the Monopoly board game the one that anyone can just roll the dice, land on, and pay a couple of dollars to chill on without any obligations or worries. You've got to go to Broadway on the game board; make your man round the corner and land on that high end property recognize that you're prime real estate that's for purchase only.
Note: This is not about asking your man to marry you. It's about taking yourself out of that 1945 mentality, where you stand around waiting for some guy to beg you for your hand in marriage. You've had it drummed into your head so cold that I'll never ask a man to marry me thing that you've lost all sensibility when it comes to getting what you want. But it's not 1945 anymore! Back in the day when my parents and their generation were courting and getting married, women could afford to wait around for the man to get it together because really, the options for men were limited. If a guy lived in a farmhouse, the next farmhouse was two miles away, and that one might not have a girl in it just two more boys so he'd have to walk another two miles to actually see a potential mate, much less.nd the one. And when they courted, they courted; he had to walk over there, write little messages on rocks on the way over so everybody knew his intentions, leave a note by the tree and send up smoke signals so the girl knew what was up. Oh, the courtship was far more romantic, because the men knew they had to behave properly not just for their intendeds, but their intendeds' daddies. The boys had to go over to the house, ask permission to sit in the room together, and the adults were present because there weren't any extra rooms for them to sit in alone. And that courting culminated in the men pulling the fathers aside and, with their shoulders squared and chins up, asking the fathers for their daughters' hands in marriage. And whatever the father said is what went.
Now women have been taught all their lives that if a man loves you, he will court you and ask for your hand in marriage. The problem with this is that you've been trained to use twentieth-century logic in twenty-.rst-century situations. There's no slim pickings of women out here women are at every turn, working with men, living in apartment buildings with them, riding the bus and trains with them, hanging out at the clubs with them. Technology's such that you can contact a woman without ever even seeing her. It's not 1945 anymore you can't hang on to those old ways. This, If he wants to marry me, he'll ask me thing has got to stop. Because we're not going to ask you when you're ready we're going to play with you until you give us your requirements and standards, and stand by them. I'm not telling you to get on bended knee. I'm telling you to set a timeline for the ring and the date, and tell the man you want to be married to what it is.
I recognize that this is hard. But let me tell you what's really hard: dating/living with/having a baby with a man who has no intention of marrying you and eight years up the road, he walks out and you're left to.nd a new man/pay all the bills after years of splitting them with someone else/raising those kids on your own. Oh, it can be done. But recognize just how hard that will be. All I'm suggesting is that you get the little uncomfortable moments out of the way early let him know now what you want and expect. Make clear to him what you're worth, and that you come at a cost; tell him how much you're worth like you're about to list yourself on eBay for a million dollars. Break down your value: say, I respect you, I adore you, I'm affectionate, I pay attention to you, I'm punctual, I'm kind, I'm loyal, I'll have your children and love them madly and all of this is available for a handsome sum. I need your time, loyalty, support, affection, attention, punctuality, kindness, gentleman ways I need the doors opened, chairs pulled out, your respect, and above all else, your love. I also expect a diamond ring and a walk down the aisle.
Now when a man hears this, he's going to pay attention, because you've placed a high value on yourself. He'll see that and question the situation: Is she worth all of that? If your cost is too high, he will move on. But you don't want that guy anyway, right? He's just looking to rent you. People who rent don't care anything about the property they're with they let it get run down, beat up, don't care what it looks like. They use the space, and when they.nd something better, they decline the new lease and they move on out and on to the next rental.
You want the guy who is ready to make the Broadway purchase the one who's looking to move in, stay awhile, take care of the lawn, make sure the plumbing is right, paint the walls, add furniture, pay the mortgage faithfully. You know, make your house a home. That guy right there? He's the one who will take responsibility and pop the question, like you need him to.
After all, boys shack. Men build homes.
Demand that he be a man about it. If he's not in love with you, he's not going to go for any of this, so now you know. But if he loves you, he will profess it, he will provide for you, and he will protect you. If he really loves you, the ultimate profession is, This is my wife. You can start with, This is my girl, or This is my baby's mother, or even, This is my.ancTe. But after a couple of years, you need to move beyond this.ancTe title. At the very least, you deserve clarity. Because women do not do well without clarity. The thing you all want to know is: Where's this relationship going? Do you love me? Am I the one? What do you see for us?
That's it in a nutshell every man knows this is coming up the road for him. He may not be ready for it now, but if he's not ready for it now and you are, then you don't have a good match, do you? So why waste all of your valuable years on something that's not going where you want it to go? Instead, you should seek out someone else who wants to go where you're going. I truly believe that's why there are so many women in their midthirties unmarried because somewhere along the line, they just didn't put their foot down and move on. But I can tell you from personal experience: put your foot down, set some standards, and watch how fast he falls in line. The reason I'm married to Marjorie today is because she had a timeline, some requirements, and some standards. I saw them early in our relationship; I saw them on the night our relationship was about to end; I saw them when I got her back. I'll tell you this much, if I still had the factory job at Ford and she needed $400 of my $600 paycheck, I would have given it to her.
I want to protect her.
And she makes me proud to be her man.
You can have this, too. Don't be another heartbreak story. Start putting yourself.rst get where you want to be, and make your man be all that he can be. Remember this: the number one cause of failure in this country is the fear of failure. Fear paralyzes you from taking action. Don't be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he's not going anywhere.
15
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: men are really simple creatures. And there are some subjects we're just not going to spend a whole lot of time thinking about we're just going to answer your questions, straight, no chaser. So I asked a bunch of my female co-workers and associates to.re some questions at me things they've always wanted to know that their girlfriends just couldn't answer for them in a satisfying way. They asked I answered. Here it goes:
Men have different aesthetics, so what might be a turnoff for one man may be a total turn-on for another. Rest assured, though, that no matter the.aws you.nd when you look at yourself in the mirror, somewhere on God's earth, you are really doing it for someone someone out there is attracted to you exactly the way you are. A con.dent woman is incredibly attractive, no matter what mold she.ts in. Men are also very visual people, so there is no question men will check out a woman's clothes, the way she walks, her makeup, her feet, her hands, her daintiness little escapes our notice. make yourself look beautiful while you're hanging on his arm is cool by him. Boob jobs, tummy tucks, breast reductions, nose jobs if it makes you feel beautiful, we're good. But if you're telling your man you want a nose job and he sees nothing wrong with the nose you already have, then maybe you ought to think
