intimate with him. So those three things come natural to you. And this is all your man wants from you. Let me break it down.
We have to feel like somebody's got our back like we're
Wh the king, even if we're not. You have to understand that when we walk out the door, the entire world is standing at the ready to beat us down. Black, white, yellow, striped, every man leaves the house ready to battle. He might have a job where three people can walk by his desk and give him a pink slip at any given moment change his life in the.ash of an eye. The guy in the position beneath your man's may be just searching for a way to undermine him, so he can get the bigger pay and he doesn't give a damn about whether what he says and does can put your man's job in jeopardy. Your man could be driving down the street minding his own business and get pulled over and something could happen that he has no control over, or someone may try to come and take what he's got. In other words, a man is constantly on the lookout, sizing up the next man, standing at the ready to defend his and all of his gains (that would include you).
So when we walk back in our house, we want to be able to let our guard down. All we want, really, is to hear you say, Baby, how was your day? Thank you for making it happen for us. This family needs you and wants you and is happy to have you. We've got to feel like we're king, even if we don't act kingly. Trust me, the more you make us feel like we're special, the more we'll give in return. We'll just try harder. Plain and simple. Take a page from my mother: every Sunday morning, my daddy cut my hair for church, and when I got out of that chair, and lotioned up and put on my suit and my shoes and walked into the living room where my mother was waiting for me, she would take one look at me and say, Look at that boy's haircut boy, you clean! or Look at you, boy you sharp when you go to church! I internalized the message if I got a fresh haircut and I put on a nice suit, my mother would compliment me, and I would walk out of the house with my shoulders squared and head held high because my mother said I looked good and she was encouraging me to be presentable. And my father's chest was out as far as mine because every Sunday, she reminded him that he made it all possible; she kissed and thanked him every Sunday.
A man needs that from his woman he needs her to say, Baby, I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you do for me and the kids. Those simple words give us the strength to keep on doing right by you and the family. From working harder on the job, to bringing home that paycheck, to something as simple as throwing some meat on the grill on Saturday evenings or folding up a load of the laundry, we'll do it more often if there is reward in it. That reward doesn't cost you one red penny. It simply comes from the heart: Thank you, baby. I appreciate you. You don't know how important that is for your man; that little bit of encouragement makes him want to do more. You think because we're hard and we don't want to cuddle that we don't need that encouragement, but we do. And the woman who comes along and says, You so big and strong and you're everything I need, well, we're going to go get some more of that! rstand that our love is wholly different from a woman's love. A woman's love is emotional, nurturing, heart felt sweet and kind and all encompassing. You can slice a knife through it, it's so thick. And when she's in love with you, she is loyal to you she can't see herself with someone else, because for her, no one else will do. That's a woman's love.
But for men, love is loyalty. We want you to show your love to us by being loyal. That means that no matter what, you're going to stand beside us. We get laid off, we know you're going to stay, even if we're not drawing a paycheck. You get around your girlfriends, you're going to say with great enthusiasm, That's myy man. I'm loyal to him. Idris Elba, Denzel, Usher, or the like walks into the room, money dripping from their suit jacket,.oating on air and glistening and all that? You're going to hold on to our hand a little tighter and say from the bottom of your heart, I don't want any of those shiny, rich,.ne men because my man is the only one for me! (We can only hope that's what you'll say smile.)
That's loyalty our kind of love. To men, they are one and the same. The kind of love you require is beautiful, but our love isn't like your love. It's different, though it's still love. And a man's love is a very powerful thing. It's amazing love. If your loyalty is real and unimpeachable, that man will kill concrete for you. He ain't going no damn where. this planet like it, nothing else we want that bad on a continu ous basis, nothing else we simply cannot live without. Take our house, take our job, the '69 Impala, our last pair of gators, but please puh-leeze don't hold out on the cookie. We don't care about anything else; we need the cookie. We need to be physically engaged with the woman we love, the woman who is loyal to us and supports us, and the way that we do that is by making love. The emotional stuff the talking, the cuddling, the holding hands, and bonding, that's y'all's thing. We'll do those things because we know it's important to you. But please understand: the way we men connect is by having sex. Period. It's how we plug in, recharge, and reconnect. I don't know of a man who doesn't need this. Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smith sonian he's that special and rare. But the rest of us men? We need sex like we need air.
You got about a good month at best without it. And then he's going to get it from somewhere else (unless you're carrying his child). I'm telling you: gangs are built on support and loy alty; dudes go out and form gangs built on those two things right there. The only thing missing is sex, and that's where the girl gang members come in. It's the same thing with motorcycle clubs, the country club, the Elks, the Masons, frats the whole of a man's world is built on these three principles. There's not one day of the week that we are not waking up in the pursuit of it. Let's say you're not a member of Alpha Phi Alpha, Kappa Alpha Psi, or you're an almighty member of Omega Psi Phi, and someone who hasn't pledged their undying support and love to frat on a line for at least six weeks be that person putting on their colors and let them.nd out you haven't pledged, that you didn't cross over. Do you know what the hell would happen if those boys found out you're not frat? Messing with their loyalty their colors? Man, not nary a day. Be a Crip and go to a Blood's house and see what happens. Try going into that country club and you're not a member. Loyalty. Support. That's what men are made of.
And can't one of them survive without sex. Oh, he'll work with you if you have an off week if he loves you, that is. If he didn't care, he wouldn't bother to try to get your cookie he'd just go on and get it from somewhere else. But if he's into you, and you're cutting back, rationing it out, you're not doing what you did when you all.rst started dating, he's going to line up someone who will. Please believe me when I tell you this: he will tell everybody, This is my girl right here, but meanwhile, he will have another woman lined up and waiting to give him what he needs and wants the cookie.
Don't get it wrong we're not animals. We know things change, the baby comes and the doctor says we have to wait six weeks, or your monthly is on the way, your hormones are acting up and you're not in the mood. But the excuses can't go on forever. You can play your man short if you want to. No matter how much a man loves his wife, his family, his house, his role as the man of the house, the one who's bringing in all the money into family account, maybe even putting a little extra into yours, if you mess around and start shelling out the cookie in crumbs, it's going to be a problem.
Speaking of my own experience, I recently turned.fty and I'm telling you right now, don't play me short in this area. At my age, I'll work with you for a little longer, because I'm busy, I got a company to run, I got a schedule to keep, I'm on the road, on the stage, on the radio, writing books, acting, supporting my own charity and working with others. I'm on the run. And at my age, I can't afford to mess up mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Hell is no longer an option for me. I'm doing what I can to get to the Gate, and it could be any day now. If I start messing around, I might have a stroke and miss out on my homegoing. But the truth is, if I can't go home and relieve my stress, there is a problem. If I've talked to the Lord and tried to get you motivated to give me some of the cookie and you're still coming up with reasons why you just can't be intimate with me, something is going to change.
And I'm ready to bet things aren't so different in your household. You might have been up all night for a week with a sick child, gotten up early to get the other onto the school bus before you hit the road for that rush-hour commute to work, gone to battle with your co-workers and boss for eight hours with nothing but a.fteen-minute break to swallow an inadequate, unsatisfying lunch, and then hit the rush-hour traf.c back home to start your second job the feeding and care of your kids. There's dinner to be cooked, and homework to be checked, and laundry to be done, and the list goes on. By the time your man checks in with you, the last thing on your mind is giving a positive response to what a friend of mine called the shoulder tap. You know what I'm talking about, she said. It's when you.nally drop into the bed exhausted, and you're halfway through your favorite show you watch when you just want to zone out, and here he comes, tapping you on your shoulder, asking for sex. It's just annoying.
What that same friend of mine didn't know, though, was that her husband was tired of the shoulder tap, too. In his mind, he'd also worked all day just as hard as her. And though he may not have done all the exact things she'd done during the course of the evening at home, he, too, put in work around the house, and, like her, needed to wind
