Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

grow hairy or mossy.” Nice. Puberty starts for girls between the ages of eight and twelve. The usual start is with breast development, although plenty of girls start with pubic hair instead. For guys, puberty starts a little later, around the ages of ten to fourteen. Their start isn’t as obvious because the first sign for them is that their testicles grow. Later signs for them are penis growth, facial hair and voice changes. Puberty lasts longer for guys than for girls. In fact, most girls are finished growing within two years after starting their periods. Guys sometimes don’t finish growing until they are older teens, around seventeen to nineteen.

It’s a Life Lesson

Sex, breasts, periods, guys, body parts, Girl Power, choices, values, talking to adults—whew! That’s a lot to learn, but we’re going to make it interesting and fun. It might occasionally be weird, too. But hey, sometimes that can be the most interesting part!

Life lessons are supposed to be learned slowly. And that’s what Girlology is—a life lesson. Remember, we’re going to grow us some Girl Power . . . and growing takes time. So there’s no need to race through this book. Read a chapter; think about it. Read some more. Think some more. Read. Think. Read. Think. Get the hang of it?

You might even want to write down your thoughts. There is room for that. There are some quizzes and journaling ideas. Have at it! It’s not a school assignment, so have some fun. No pressure or grades!

The whole idea of a sex book may be freaking you out a little bit right now. Sexual maturing and growing up is confusing to everyone when it happens. But you know what? It’s just life. You can’t hide from it or ignore it—in fact, your changing body and brain will make you see it and think about it, sometimes a lot.

Girlology wants to take the mystery out of it all. Don’t think of this as just a “sex book.” Keep thinking of it as a life lesson. And when you finish this lesson, you’ll have a better idea about who you are and who you want to become. You’ll also have a plan for your sexual and relationship choices—a real plan using true information and based on your own values. A plan you can live with for years to come.

We know that girls are smart enough to make sense of all this confusing sex stuff. So turn on your brains, bring along your feelings and be prepared to discover great things about being a girl. Girl Power, here we come!

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Friends Who Rock and Friends Who [Need to] Roll!

For most girls, friends rock!

(Or do they?)

The middle school and high school social scene can be very strange—sometimes awesome, sometimes confusing and ugly. Girls say and do things to impress boys and other girls. Ditto for boys. Sometimes kids are nice to you; sometimes they’re not. A trusted friend can suddenly be mean to you. Gossip abounds. There are cliques (pronounced “click”), clubs and groups that may embrace you or may make you feel left out. People you never knew before may suddenly seem more interesting than your old friends.

It may seem confusing now, but don’t fear! There is a reason all of this is happening! Your brain is actually preprogrammed to help you accomplish two very important tasks before you become an adult:1. Your brain is helping you to become more independent from your family.

2. Your brain is also helping you develop your values, your personality, your likes and your dislikes; you are figuring out who you are as an individual.

Now that’s exciting stuff! Are you rolling your eyes right now and thinking that what we think is exciting is really too much grown-up stuff? Well . . . as a teen, you are sort of a “grown-up in the making.” So bring those rolling eyeballs back to the page and read on!

Friends Over Family

Okay, so one of your jobs is to become more independent from your family. Believe it or not, your brain is programmed to make you want to hang out with your friends more and your parents less. It’s supposed to happen that way. You can tell your parents we said so.

Does that mean you abandon your family altogether? Nope. Does it mean you never hug, cuddle or play with your parents? Absolutely not! Does it mean that given a choice between going to the mall with your buds and playing a rousing game of Monopoly with your family, you pick your buds? Probably.

Things are going to change. It can be strange for you and your family. Your parents are used to making all your decisions for you. They are used to having a little girl who looks to them for guidance and assurance. That doesn’t totally stop, but now you are talking more to friends about important stuff, you are having your own ideas and you want more freedom to make your own decisions about where you go, what you wear and who your friends are.

Why Don’t You Trust Me?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever said “. . . but why don’t you trust me?” One, two, three, four . . . eight million, three hundred twenty-seven thousand, two hundred ninety-six hands . . . yep, your brains are working just fine on that independence thing!

Independence is a very grown-up word. It doesn’t mean “I get to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it.” Your brain tells you to become more independent so you can mature into an adult—not turn into a wild and reckless party animal!

The parents of all you party-animals-in-the-making also have a job to do as you gain independence. Their job is to make sure you can handle it. As much as it may bug you, your parents are doing their job when they want to meet your friends, give you curfews, supervise the clothes you wear and ask where you are going. That’s what their brains are wired to do. We’ll talk more about your parents in the next chapter. Let’s get back to you and your independence.

Just in case you were getting a little nervous about the whole independence thing, relax. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Of course, you have your parents to help you along the way, but you also have friends. A group of friends is super important as you become more independent and figure out who you are. It can be kind of hard, though, because there are all kinds of cliques and groups, and you may not be sure where you fit in. Sometimes you feel more comfortable with your family; sometimes you click with one group of friends, sometimes with another group.

Time to figure out where you fit in!

Who Am I?