you, tells you and makes sure you get your skirt right.You tell your best friend two big secrets. One, your parents are separating. Two, you are seeing a therapist to help you with your emotions. It's obvious you are very sensitive about these two issues.Your friend acts all sad for you, but then you find out she told another girl that you are seeing a therapist so you must be 'crazy.'Your friend offers emotional support and keeps your secrets. She is there for you whenever you need her, and she's a great listener.
Introducing . . . Miss Popularity!
Remember Girl Power? It’s the confidence that lets you make choices that are good for you, even if they aren’t the same choices everybody else is making. Well, get ready to use your Girl Power, because the crazy thing is that sometimes the most popular girls are the ones who tear you down and don’t build you up. Go figure!
That kind of popularity is usually based on negative things. Some girls bully their way into being popular by intimidating or threatening people. Maybe they make you wish you had their gorgeous hair, killer clothes or good body. Maybe they flaunt their “sexiness” or put other people down. Lots of people seem almost afraid of this kind of popular girl because they don’t want to be on her “bad side.”
Oh, the glitz . . . the glamour . . . the fame of basking in the glow of the ever-popular, ever-beautiful, ever- manipulative girls! Yuck! The bottom line is that choosing positive, caring, trustworthy friends might mean that you have to distance yourself from a particular popular crowd.
That’s the yuck side of popularity. But “popularity” is not always a word you choke down like a bitter pill. There are marvelous reasons to be popular. They are all reasons about who you are, what your strengths are, what your talents are and things you have in common with other people. All positive things about you!
Popular just means that certain people like you. The soccer goalie is popular with the athletic crowd. The guy who plays Romeo in the school play is popular with the drama crowd. The girl who reads to sick children at the hospital is popular with the community service crowd. Everybody can be popular in her own way!
And remember that being popular is not the same as having a lot of friends. True friends know each other well, not just superficially. Just because a lot of people may know someone or may like her doesn’t necessarily mean they are all her good friends. Consider yourself lucky if you have even one close friend who is the true, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul, secret-sharing, help-you-through-anything, stand-up-for-you-always kind of friend. Now,
Think about the last five times you got into an argument with a friend. What happened most often? Did you get your feelings hurt by something she said, or did she bust your lip with a vicious punch to the chin? We’re betting your friend’s weapon of choice was her words and not her fist.
The weapon of choice among girls—words?!? Well, think about it. Feelings are fragile things, and some words can be like a sword piercing right through your gut! Consider the following verbal attacks:
You help a guy friend with math homework, and another girl tells everybody, “She is so in love with him!” Ouch!
“Those jeans are totally Kmart.” Ouch!
“Idiot!” Double ouch!
When you hear these things, think “Girl Power!” Am I an idiot? No. Am I totally in love with every guy friend I help out? No. Are my jeans Kmart? Well, maybe, but they are the cutest pair in town, so who cares?
Unfortunately, we can’t control physical brain changes and hormones, so gossiping, insults, backstabbing and discouragement will always be around. But remember, just because someone says it about you doesn’t make it true.
Of course, piercing words aren’t just what “other girls” use. Your brain is telling
What Kind of Friend Are You?
Whew! That’s a pretty unpleasant picture we’ve painted. So are middle school and high school nothing but a bunch of mean girls tearing each other to pieces? Heck, no!
While you can’t control the physical things that happen to you, you can control (Girl Power!) how you react to them. Once again, we get to balance the things we can’t control (brain and hormone changes) with things we can control (actions). We can choose to put down that sword, retract those claws and be a good friend to those around us. The Golden Rule is the perfect guide for friendship: Treat others the way you want them to treat you.
Remember that all middle and high school girls’ brains are giving them signals to be more independent and try on new ideas, actions and attitudes. You don’t need to totally drop a friend the first time she is mean to you. People change! Maybe that same girl just tried on a “snobby” personality for a couple days and found it didn’t fit. Remember, you’re all working through this together.
A great way to
Now we get to the meat of friendship . . . what kind of friend are you? Do
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What do you look for in a friend? Does a girl have to wear the trendiest clothes? Be athletic? Read two novels a week? Wear black all the time? Play in the band? Be a drama queen, a cheerleader or a yearbook staffer?
You’ve seen the groups. They hang out together, eat lunch together, and sometimes even dress and act alike. Lots of groups have names. In most schools there are jocks, cheerleaders, preppies, goths, brainiacs, druggies,
