Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

to keep.How do you know when you are getting angry?

How do you express your anger?

How can you deal with your anger better?

So, What’s the Point?

So why did we have to go through the good, the bad and the ugly on friendships? The point is that everyone your age is going through the same thing. Everyone is trying to accomplish the normal and necessary task of growing up—becoming more independent from their families and figuring out who they are.

That means that there are a lot of confused and mixed-up kids roaming the halls of your school and the streets of your neighborhood. Guys and girls are growing into new bodies, changing friends, trying new things, experiencing unusual emotions, expressing themselves in interesting ways and figuring out their own feelings. Plus they are trying to figure out why everyone else is acting the way they are!

Whew! That’s a lot to do. But it explains why your best friend turns mean one day and is back to normal three days later. It explains why the boy you’ve known since preschool, the same one you played cops and robbers with in first grade and soccer with in third grade, suddenly looks “cute” to you in sixth grade. It explains why you want to crawl into your dad’s lap one day and then think he is an embarrassing dork the next.

It can be strange, but it definitely is normal. You are trying on new personalities, new friendships, new ways of thinking and figuring out where you fit in. One of the hardest parts of growing Girl Power involves learning how to be and how to find good girlfriends (and guy friends). You can’t control what your friends do or who they become, but you have the power to choose friends who bring out the best in you. So let the bad friends roll, and you rock on, girl friend !

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Where Have All the Normal Parents Gone?

So one night your parents go to bed normal, nice, reasonable people, and the next morning they wake up random, clueless, goofy aliens. Sound familiar?

But wait a minute. Before we talk about how weird parents can seem to teenagers, let’s talk about parents in general. While the traditional family with a mom, a dad, some kids and a few pets is still strong, there are lots of other types of “parental arrangements.” Some kids are raised by a stepparent, some by a grandparent, some by only a mom and some by only a dad. Some are raised by a guardian, some by a parent and his or her “partner,” and some by other parent substitutes. Other kids have one parent for a few days a week and another parent for the other days. That means some kids are dealing with four “parent types” on a regular basis!

The possibilities for parental arrangements seem endless, but do you get the picture? Parents come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They can be wrinkled grandmas, necktie-wearing salespeople or entrepreneurs with an office in the basement. They can be blood relatives, adoptive parents, family members by marriage or foster parents.

So when we talk about parents,we want you to envision the adults in your life who sign your permission slips. They are the people who buy you food, clothing, shelter and the occasional movie ticket. They discipline you, love you and protect you. If you don’t have the traditional family of mom, dad, brother, sister, Fido . . . you are definitely not alone, and all this parent talk still applies to you. When we say “parents” or “mom” or “dad,” you can read that however it fits in your life.

And now back to the topic we’ve all been waiting for—clueless parents!

Ch-Ch- Changes

Okay, we know that preteen and teenager brains and bodies are changing. But what about parents? Do they seem to be morphing into more nagging, embarrassing, uninformed beings every day? Is it them? Is it you? Let’s settle this issue fair and square . . . quiz time! Check “T” or “F.”

TF                                                                   My parent(s) embarrass me in front of my friends.    My parent(s) don't understand me.    My parent(s) ask too many questions.    My parent(s) don't like my friends.    My parent(s) nag me about the way I dress.    My parent(s) don't trust me.    My parent(s) let my brother/sister get away with everything!    My parent(s) are way too nosy about my schoolwork and social life.    My parent(s) don't listen to me.

If you answered true to any of these questions, guess what? You’re normal. You’re like a lot of teens, in fact, a vast majority of teens, who think their parents “just don’t get” them. Why are parents that way? This may come as a big surprise, but it’s a little bit about them and a lot about you.

The funny thing is that your parents probably haven’t changed the way they are; they are just dealing with teenage issues now. These issues are different and more serious than little kid things, so parents may seem more strict and annoying in the way they guide you.

The real difference is the way you see them and respond to them. Your perception of your parents is changing pretty quickly!

But Why?

Remember how your body is changing, and your brain is changing, too? Those brain changes make you see your parents a little differently. When you were younger, you expected your parents to be totally involved and physically present in every aspect of your life. You may not have liked the rules, but you liked your parents being there because you needed their help. The world was bigger and scarier, and you relied on your parents to guide you through unfamiliar situations.

Well, now that you’ve been around longer, the world is not such a scary place. You can walk to a friend’s house without getting lost. You can heat up pizza in the microwave. You can stay at home by yourself without being afraid. You can check out library books, make phone calls, pay a cashier and even be in charge of younger children.

Now when your parents give you limits and rules, you don’t think, “I feel safe.” You think, “Hey! You’re trampling on my independence!” And that’s a normal response. The bottom line is that you and your parents have to grow into your new independent being. They will have to change their rules and their limits to allow you to be more independent. You will have to earn independence bit by bit.

Be patient! Most parents want what’s best and safest for their kids. The more you prove that you can be responsible with the little things (chores, keeping up with your own stuff, calling when you get to a friend’s house), the more independence they will give you. Voila! Everyone is happy!